“Baby, are you okay?”
“Yes! I’m fine.” She gagged again. “Please don’t come in here.”
I didn’t listen. Instead, I got a cold washcloth and handed it to her. She was dry heaving, and her skin looked pale.
“Did you eat something bad, sweetie?”
“I think so. I’ll be out in a minute.”
I left her alone and went and waited in bed. I heard her gagging more, and then I heard the water running as she brushed her teeth.
When she climbed into bed it was late and we were both so tired that we fell back to sleep instantly.
I had another dream about my mother leaving me, except in this nightmare, we said goodbye to each other. I didn’t feel any fear or sadness. Instead, I felt the warmth of Lilly’s hand as she held it. I looked over to see her standing next to me smiling.
“Are you leaving me, too? “I asked.
“I’m not going anywhere.” She squeezed my hand.
I woke up with a happy smile the next morning.
Twenty-Eight
Impossible Possibilities
“I’m not sure what I’m doing wrong. I hardly eat and when I do eat I can’t keep it down. This stomach bug is kicking my ass, yet I’m still freaking gaining weight!” I said in aggravation. “My damn pants won’t even button anymore.”
No way would I go out and buy a bigger size. I swear I’d be one of those sloppy women who wore sweatpants every day before I went up a size.
“That’s what happens when you get comfortable in a relationship. You and Devin have been seeing each other for close to five months. That’s kind of early to be getting comfortable, but hey, to each his own,” Shannon said as she flipped through a magazine.
“Yeah, I guess so. I don’t know. Wow, it has been almost five months. That’s crazy.” I flashed a big, happy smile.
I was thinking about everything that had happened in the last few months—so many things, bad and good. Devin was worth the bad things, he was everything I could’ve asked for.
I suppose at some point I should tell him about the money. He wasn’t with me for the money; Devin wasn’t that kind of guy. Things couldn’t have been more perfect, and like Shannon, he was clueless about it. It wasn’t like I lived the life of a person with millions, so how could he have known?
“Oh my God, I’m cramping so freaking bad. This period is kicking my ass big time. I wish Aunt Flo would go straight to Hell.” She sat back and rubbed her lower stomach. “You wouldn’t happen to have a tampon on you would you? I really don’t feel like walking over to the store. That crazy-eyed boy is working today. You know, the one who stares at you the entire time you’re in there?”
“Yeah, he’s creepy.” I reached into my purse and dug around and then it hit me.
I couldn’t even remember the last time I had a period. I wasn’t regular all the time, as in I didn’t get it on the same exact date every month, but I’d never missed an entire month before. As I sat and thought about it, I hadn’t had a period in at least three months.
“What’s that face about? Do you have one or not?” Shannon asked.
“Shannon, I haven’t had a period in over three months,” I said, confused.
A list of all the reasons for a missed period ran through my mind.
Cervical cancer, cysts, an awful female disease that would make my boobs fall off. Everything I ran through my mind was bad. It would be my luck that I’d die from some gruesome disease right after finding love and happiness.
“I know this is kind of a touchy subject, but do you think you should get a pregnancy test?” Her eyes got large. “What if you’re prego?”
“Trust me, that’s impossible.”
“Hey, you never know. Crazier shit has happened, Lil.”
“Babies are not in my future, but I guess I should set an appointment and have myself checked. I hope it’s nothing serious.”I frowned.
“Yeah, it can’t hurt. I hope it’s nothing, too. But could you imagine Devin’s face if you were prego though? He’d totally shit himself.” We laughed.
A week later we weren’t laughing anymore. A week later we stood over a piss stick in the hallway bathroom with a big bright pink positive sign.
I shook it like an old thermometer then looked at it again. It was definitely positive.
“Well, if I’m reading this right,” Shannon held up the box for the pregnancy test. “You’re pregnant.”
After years of being told I’d never have children, I should’ve felt happy. I should’ve been elated with the possibility of holding a little baby in my arms and being called mommy, but I wasn’t. All I felt was fear.