And nothing ever would.
I felt his heart beating though the pulsing of his cock.
“I love you, Bee. So much it fucking hurts.” It was the last thing he said before closing his eyes and giving in to his exhaustion.
Our bodies throbbed and hummed together as we came down from the high of our orgasms. Jake was still inside me when I fell asleep.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
FEAR KEPT ME FROM LOOKING UP. I was afraid if I glanced into his eyes I would throw myself at his mercy, beg him to stay here with me and lose my shit entirely. I looked at the shell driveway instead and shuffled my feet nervously, tucking a stray hair behind my ear. Jake ran his knuckles down my cheek. I leaned into his touch that just weeks ago would have sent me running at full speed.
It was still dark out— only one a.m. according to the alarm clock when we woke up. I was standing outside in my orange pajama pants and a white tank.
No hoodie.
No sleeves.
I was tired of hiding, at least in front of Jake. How I felt in public remained to be seen.
“I like this look,” Jake said, smiling down at me.
“Yeah, I was thinking tomorrow I would just wear a thong and nothing else.”
Jake raised his eyebrows.
“You fucking save that shit for when I get back.” He winked at me and went back inside to grab the last of his things from the table. When he came back out the old screen door creaked the protest I felt. “You know what I was thinking?”
“What’s that?”
“You know how much you love my tattoos?” Where was he going with this?
“Yeah.”
“Why don’t you just embrace your scars and work them into some tattoos?”
“Jake, it’s most of my body. I would be one of those freaks on the believe-it-or-not shows.”
He laughed and shook his head. “I’m not saying get a full body piece, wise-ass. And I’m not saying you have anything to cover up or be ashamed of. I was just thinking instead of wearing sleeves, you could just get a full tattoo sleeve on your arm... make the scars part of the story, on your own terms.”
“Really?” I’d never even thought of inking over them.
“Just something to think about. Besides, it’d be kinda hot.”
“I knew you had another reason.” I pretend punched him in the arm.
Jake put his hands in the air like he was surrendering. “No other reason. I just want my girl to be as comfortable in her own skin as possible. I want you to be happy.”
“You know what? I think I’m actually getting there.” I smiled and I felt it all the way to my toes. It was the closest I’d ever been to being happy in my entire life. I had some work to do, but I was getting there slowly, with Jake’s help. I saw a light at the end of the tunnel I’d never seen before.
I closed my eyes. I didn’t want to be stuck with the mental image of him leaving to play over and over again in my brain until he returned.
He walked over to me and tilted my chin up to him. “Hey,” he said. “Open your eyes.”
Reluctantly, I obeyed. Jake stared down at me with a smile that reached all the way to his ears. There was no monster lurking in his eyes now, no sign of the killer within. He didn’t have the look of a man who was leaving me to complete a kill contract.
But he was.
“I’d prefer it if you kept your eyes open,” he joked. “Walls tend to move into your path when you’re not watching.”
“Oh, they’re open all right.” I couldn’t help but lean in to kiss the beautiful blue eyed man who I loved.
Jake pulled away with a sigh and continued to pack the saddlebags on his bike. When he was done, he leaned back against the seat and even in the light of the single bulb buzzing from the porch I could see how beautiful he was. I loved everything about him, from the way he hooked his thumbs into the belt loops of his jeans that hung low on his hips to the way he ran his hand over his short goatee when he was thinking about something. There wasn’t a sight I wanted to see more on Earth than what was right in front of me.
But, he had to go.
Life or death. Kill or be killed.
In every sense, the burden of those words was upon him.
Jake ran his hand over his goatee, I smiled and my heart pounded like a steel drum in my chest. It was nearly drowned out by the sensation of ache and need in my sore body, a reminder of how we’d spent the last few hours.
I wondered if it was like this for everyone. Maybe, Jake felt this way with every girl he had fucked. Maybe to him, ours was run-of-the-mill stuff.