Fear grips me, sucking the air from my chest and wrapping around my throat. I can’t breathe and I feel a panic attack coming on. Stay calm, I chant to myself, over and over again. The line goes dead and it’s then that I notice Cameron standing next to me.
“Hospital,” I say robotically. “Please, I need to go to the hospital. Now.”
He nods and we head out to his truck, our dessert forgotten. The ten-minute drive is silent and I can tell Cameron wants to ask me what’s going on, but I can’t tell him. Right now all I’m thinking about is my little girl and it only proves why Cameron and I can’t be more than friends. Because Ari will always come first.
Cameron has barely stopped his truck when I jump out and run into reception. I don’t stop to see if he’s followed me, I simply tell the nurse who it is I’m looking for and follow her directions. I burst into the emergency room and spot Ari and my grandmother in the corner. I rush when I see Ari screaming and writhing in pain and push the doctor aside to get to her.
“It’s ok, baby girl,” I soothe, wrapping her unusually hot body in my arms. Her screams don’t subside and my inability to calm her down brings tears to my eyes. Her hands push me and I look down at her. Her face is red and tear stained, and her screams continue. “What’s wrong?” I ask the doctor, not bother to get a name. It’s a young woman, her blue scrubs indicating that she’s an E.R doctor.
“Miss. Tanner, it would appear that your daughter has appendicitis. It’s not uncommon for someone her age, but what concerns me is her high fever and slightly swollen belly. That could mean that her appendix has burst.”
“You have a daughter?”
We all spin our heads around. Cameron is standing behind the doctor, a look of shock and disbelief on his face. Instead of responding I look back at the doctor and ask, “What do we do?”
“The best solution would be to have an ultra-sound, to determine the severity of the condition and then possibly schedule an emergency appendectomy. The operation is about an hour long but we can have her prepped for an ultra-sound while you fill out the paperwork. Once we know the result of that, we can determine whether or not she will need surgery, but given her current state, surgery looks like our best form of treatment. ”
I nod, “Okay.”
The doctor scurries off and my grandmother takes Ari from me. I hesitantly let her go but I need to chat to Cameron. This is not how I envisioned myself telling him about Ari but now I have no other choice.
“I can explain,” I say, walking to where he’s still standing.
“Explain what exactly Hayley? How you can have a kid at nineteen or how you failed to mention it until now?” His voice comes out harsh and if it weren’t for my need to defend my actions I would flinch. But I don’t. I meet his anger and shocked expression head-on with a glare of my own.
“This is why I didn’t want to tell you, because I knew you would judge me.”
“Don’t turn this around on me Hayley. Were you even going to tell me?”
I look down. He’s caught me. “That’s what I thought,” he sighs.
A fresh bout of tears hit me and I look at Cameron through blurred eyes. “I had no idea how to tell you, but I would’ve told you tonight anyway.” I wipe a few stray tears. “I knew it would change things, so I thought if I got one date with you it would be enough…” my words trail off. I sound pathetic, but no matter which way you look at it rejection still sucks and I hope Cameron will be considerate enough to do this subtly. I’m certain that I’m not crying because of him but he doesn’t know that. I bet he’s looking at me and thinking that his impending dismissal of me is what has me so emotional. Too bad it is in fact a contribution to how overwhelmed I feel.
“You could’ve told me that before I asked you out,” he says coldly. “I wouldn’t have gone through so much trouble.”
I rear back as if he’s physically slapped me. “You’re saying that if you’d known about me having a child before, you wouldn’t have asked me out?”
“Well no, I just meant - ”
I put my hand up to silence him. “I’ve heard enough Cameron,” I bite out, grinding my jaw. “You can leave.”
I turn to leave but Cameron grabs my arm, forcing me to face him. “Hayley, wait, that all came out wrong.”
I laugh bitterly, ignoring the sting in my chest. “No Cam, it came out perfectly. I don’t know why but I wanted to believe that things would turn out differently. I should’ve known you’d react this way,” I pause. “For what it’s worth though, I had a nice evening. Goodbye Cameron.”
I turn my back and feel his hands slide down my arm as I walk away. I don’t look back, despite the need I feel to look at him one last time.
This is what being a mother is all about, putting your baby’s needs before your own.
Even when it hurts.
Chapter 8
~ Cameron ~
I watch Hayley walk away. Brushing my hands over my face and through my short hair, I walk out of the emergency room and back to my truck. I sit, staring into the darkness, with the hospital to my back. What the fuck just happened? An hour ago I was standing in a kitchen kissing one of the most beautiful girls I’ve ever seen. And now, I find out she has a daughter?
I don’t know what to think about it. Hayley and I have become close friends over the last few weeks and she failed to mention this. If I had known, I wouldn’t have asked her out. A kid would complicate things and I sure as hell don’t want any added drama. I figured Hayley and I could mess around, have some fun, but that can’t happen now.
I sigh and drive out the parking lot, taking my time to get home. When I pull into the garage, all the lights are off so I drag myself upstairs. I stop in my tracks when I hear murmuring coming from the room at the end of the hallway, and light coming through from the bottom of the door. I hate that room. I hate what’s inside that room. It’s a reminder of what I’ve done, who I am.
I shut my bedroom door and fall onto the bed. My thoughts run rampant and I keep replying the scene from the hospital. Hayley has a daughter. There’s no way I can date a girl who’s a mother. I’m only twenty one; I’m too young for that shit. And I have more than enough on my plate at the moment. I can’t add Hayley and her kid to it.
I bring her number up on my phone and contemplate calling her. What would I say? Uh we can’t date because you have a kid and I’m not interested in that shit. I thought we could mess around but I can’t anymore because…you have a kid. That would prove that I’m the world’s biggest douche. I can’t do the to her, so I decide not to call her, or text her. We can just forget about tonight and hopefully go back to being friends. I just hope to God that it won’t be awkward now. But why would it be? Because you actually care about her dickwad, I tell myself. And I do. I care about her.
My phone vibrates as I stare at Hayley’s picture on my phone and I open it. It’s from Noah.
How did it go? Did you get laid?
Asshole. He knows tonight was the first time I’ve ever tried going on a real date with a girl without trying to get into her pants. But he still thinks I boned her. Seriously, I have no idea where I found him. Sometimes I think he’s an even bigger douchebag than what I am. But I can’t blame him. Stupid fucker went and fell in love our senior year of high school and had his heart broken. He was never the same after that. Now we both do the ‘just sex’ thing, but for different reasons. Although I haven’t told him that I really like Hayley, and that I actually care about her. Not that it matters now. I doubt she’ll ever speak to me after how I reacted tonight.