“She didn’t tell me you were coming when I spoke to her two days ago,” I said, a little perplexed as to why my grandmother would send their only farmhand on a fifteen hour drive to come and see me.
“She didn’t want you to know.” Beau shrugged, and had the decency to look a little contrite.
“I didn’t realize you were one of her evil little helpers,” I giggled. My grandmother was known to meddle, and always had someone to help her.
He took off his cowboy hat, and brushed his fingers through his hair. “She was worried about you, sweetheart. So I offered to come check on you, and make sure you’re as okay as you’re pretending to be over the phone.”
I looked down, and nibbled on my lip. I shouldn’t have. It was ‘a tell’ of mine, and Beau had come to recognize it pretty early on in our friendship.
“That’s what I thought,” he sighed. “Is there somewhere we can go talk?”
“That depends,” I replied, looking up to meet his concerned gaze. “Are you going to repeat everything to Grams?”
“I’ll tell her what you want to me to and the rest will stay between us. You know that.”
That I did. He’d proven to me many times that I could trust him. He’d risked his job for me once, and after that I’d never questioned him.
I nodded, and went to retrieve my bag. “I know where we can go.”
We bought some coffee, and Beau drove us to my dorm. He parked his Chevy in the lot, and we hopped onto his tailgate. It wasn’t the most isolated place I could’ve taken him to, but it was quiet, and mostly empty, which was good enough.
“So you want to fill me in or am I going to have to wait it out?” He asked
“There’s not a whole lot I can tell you,” I replied, looking into my cup.
“Your Grams didn’t send me out here because you don’t have a lot to tell me, sweetheart. You know her better than that. C’mon now, this is me you’re talking to. What’s going on?”
His voice was so soothing, and had the ability to make me want to spill my guts until it littered the asphalt below our feet.
“There’s a guy,” I started. “But it’s pretty complicated. We have a history, and most of it has to do with our families.”
“You love him?”
Our eyes met, and they seemed so familiar, so safe, that being dishonest wasn’t an option. I took a deep breath before I answered, “I do.”
It was the first time I’d admitted it out loud, and it stirred the sadness, and sense of loss I’d spent the past week avoiding.
“Start from the beginning, and don’t leave anything out.”
We spent the next hour talking about Dane and me. I thought it would have been awkward to tell Beau all the dirty details, but he just sat there and listened while I split my heart open and bled all over the place. Most girls wouldn’t be talking to an ex-flame the way I was talking to him, especially when he was the one who I lost my virginity to, but it was effortless. Once upon a time I’d crushed on this handsome man, even if he was still boyish back then, and when I had sex for the first time I knew he was the right person to experience it with. It was the moment he put me back together, and I realized it was true what they said – a girl never forgets her first. What I loved most was that Beau had made sure I’d remember it for the right reasons.
When I was done, Beau wiped my cheeks, and kissed my forehead. He wrapped an arm around my shoulders, and hugged me to his side.
“Love is complicated,” he said. “But worth fighting for. You can’t allow the stupid shit between your families to get in the way if he’s what you really want.”
“I know, but there’s more to it than that. He doesn’t know everything about Charlie, and Jewel, and I’m afraid that once he finds out he’ll want nothing to do with me.”
“You have to ask yourself if he’s worth the risk. If he walks away after knowing everything, then you know it wasn’t meant to be.”
I sat up straight, taking every bit of his advice to heart, and smiled at him. “You’ve met someone.”
His returning smile was shy, and he ducked his head. “What makes you say that?”
With a smirk, I replied, “The Beau I knew didn’t know a thing about love.”
“Of course he did,” he contended. “I might have been young when we met, but I loved you. I always will, but - ”
“It’s not the same,” I finished for him.
“A guy never forgets his first though.” He winked, and I gave him a playful shove.
“I was not your first, Beau.”
“No,” he sighed, “But you were the first girl that meant something to me, and I’ll always cherish that.”
My heart constricted, but it didn’t hurt. I’d let Beau go when I moved back to Brighton, and we both knew that we weren’t forever. But we were for ‘right now’ and that was all our young hearts needed at the time.
“What’s her name?” I asked.
He gave me a goofy grin. “Her name is Sarah. She works at the preschool in Madison, and she stops by on a weekly basis to buy some of your Grams’ pies.”
“You in love with her?”
I wanted to know if he was happy. I wasn’t jealous in the slightest because I had already found my great love, despite having lost it. I wanted Beau to find someone who made him feel alive, someone he could share his life with, start a family with. He deserved that.
“I am. I’m going to propose to her over Christmas, actually.”
“Oh my God, Beau! That’s amazing! I can’t wait to meet her.”
“You’ll love her,” he laughed. “She’s just as excited to meet you.”
My smile faltered slightly. “She doesn’t know we…”
“No.” He shook his head. “Not only would that be really awkward, but it felt wrong sharing that with her. That memory is yours and mine, and I’d like to keep it that way. Besides,” he snickered, “I don’t want you telling her I’m a lousy lay, and risk her saying no when I ask her to marry me.”
I threw my head back, and laughed. “I would never.”
Just then, I spotted Dane’s truck driving into the lot and I froze.
Beau noticed, and he sat up, watching as Dane’s truck stopped a few spots away from us. “What’s wrong?” He sounded weary.
“That’s him,” I said quietly. “I haven’t spoken to him all week. I think we’ve been trying to avoid each other like a plague.”
“He gonna make trouble?”
“No. I don’t think so.”
Dane climbed out of his truck, and his blue eyes found mine as he’d sought them out. His face was a mask of coolness, and calm, but his eyes told me what I needed to know, like they always had. The air crackled but instead of feeling the sexual tension I’d become accustomed to, it was filled with an ache caused by self-inflicted wounds, and repentance for a decision neither of us could really take back. He inhaled deeply, spearing me with one final look, and then stalked away.
“He didn’t look too pleased to see me here,” murmured Beau. “Isn’t he going to think something’s going on?”