I blink twice, momentarily struck speechless by her assumption. Its’ difficult not be angered by it, especially when leaving her is the last thing on my mind.
“Did you honestly think I would leave you after you told me all that?”
“Yes,” she whispers, “How can you love someone who isn’t whole?”
I close the distance between us in two long strides. She doesn’t back away from me when I get in her face. I wish it was possible to show her what she looks like through my eyes. I want her to see the incredible, beautiful and strong Huntley that I am in awe of every day. I need her to know that…
“I’m in love with you,” I blurt out.
Her eyes widen and brim with tears. “What?”
I cup her face and look into her eyes. “I’m in love with you Huntley.”
“You can’t be Gray. How can you love something that is broken?”
“You are so determined to hide your broken soul that you don’t see how beautiful those pieces make you. You have completely disarmed me Huntley, you have left my heart and soul naked and all I want is for you to see that I am in love with every goddamn broken piece of you. I don’t want anyone else.”
She shakes her head and I wipe away her tears with my thumbs.
“I’m in love with you too,” she cries, “And it terrifies me.”
“This terrifies me too baby, but I need you to let me in. Let me see beneath your beautiful.”
I press my lips to hers. Her arms slide around my neck and I pull her into me until there is nothing but our clothes separating us. I lift her up and her legs tighten around my waist. I move until my knees hit the bed and I lay her down gently.
I hover above her for a brief moment before trailing butterfly kisses down her neck. Her mouth is close to my ear and her warm breath causes a shiver to course its way through my body.
“Grayson,” her voice is soft and vulnerable. “Make love to me.”
I swallow hard. I’ve never really made love before, not the way I want to with Huntley. After this, everything between us will change. I need to share my secrets with her, to trust her the way she has chosen to trust me. But now’s not the time. This is about showing her how I feel.
Huntley sits up and I pull her top over her head. I do the same with mine before joining her on the bed. I kiss her, tracing my tongue on her top lip, begging for entrance. Our tongues meet in a sacred ritual of song and dance and the fire between us ignites.
We undress each other slowly, savoring the intimacy and openness we share. When we’re both naked and shivering in anticipation, our eyes meet and it’s the perfect moment to bare it all. “I love you,” I say, feeling the irrevocable conviction of my confession. The emotions running through me are unbearable and I feel tears sliding down my face.
“I love you too.”
Our lips meet again and our tears mix as our bodies become one. I slide into her heat and we both groan. I lay still, wrapped in her warmth in every way possible, feeling our joined hearts beat in perfect unison. I start moving, sliding out and teasing Huntleys’ entrance with the tip of my cock. I’m torturing both of us but I want to savor her and worship every inch of her body until neither of us can handle it any longer.
“Gray,” she breathes, “Please.”
I slide back into her until she can’t take anymore of me. Her legs come up and her hips lift slightly, taking me deeper than I’ve ever been. The feeling is both excruciating and exquisite. I set an easy rhythm, our hips moving together as our slick bodies fuse. Distinguishing Huntleys’ body from mine is impossible. Our souls fuse as our bodies do.
I feel Huntley tighten around me and quicken my strokes, chasing that wave that will inevitably engulf us both in a whirlpool of sensation. One final thrust pushes us both over the edge and I swallow her scream, absorbing her cry of pleasure and combining it with mine. We are but a single soul, inhabiting two bodies.
Time stills as we catch our breath and I relish in the afterglow of the most magnificently beautiful moment of my life.
I lift my head from the crook of Huntley’s neck and she gives me a shy, timid smile. I love how she still gets shy around me even though we’ve seen every part of each other’s bodies in the most intimate of ways.
“You’re amazing,” I whisper against her lips. She lets out a content sigh.
I reluctantly leave the warmth of her body and pull us both under the covers. She snuggles into my chest and traces her fingers over my heart. When her breathing evens out, I lay awake and just watch her sleeping.
Her chest rises and falls rhythmically, her eyes flutter under her eyelids while her long lashes rest on her cheeks. Her mouth pouts slightly and I can’t hide my smile. My beautiful girl has been through so much, and carried so much weight on her tiny shoulders. I know in my heart that she will show me how to be strong. I can’t imagine ever going on without her.
After watching her for over an hour, I slip out of bed, careful not to wake her. She stirs but rolls onto her stomach and falls back asleep. I pull my jeans on and my shirt and head out of the apartment.
My head is swimming with so many thoughts, still trying to process everything Huntley told me. I need to work through my guilt and find a way to open up about my own demons. I can’t imagine how hard it was for her to open up to me so selflessly and relive the haunting memories from her past. All I know is that our relationship can’t go any further until I’ve been completely honest with her. I should’ve done it when we started dating, but I was so consumed by Huntley and how she made me feel that I buried my painful secrets even deeper.
I drive into the cemetery just out of town and come to a stop on one of the side roads. A cemetery is normally quiet but at four am it’s eerie. I walk up the hill until I reach my sisters headstone and sit down on the grass. I look at the white marble with an angel engraved on it and silently read over her name.
Emilie May Carter
1992 – 2011
Beloved Daughter
Always loved, cherished and never forgotten.
“I carry your heart with me, I carry it in my heart. I am never without it anywhere
I go you go, my dear; and whatever is done by only me is your doing, my darling. I fear no fate, for you are my fate, my sweet. I want no world, for beautiful you are my world, my true, and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant and whatever a sun will always sing is you.” – EE Cummings
A lone tear escapes as I read my sisters favorite quote by E.E Cummings. She was such a bookworm and I always playfully teased her about her love of literature. When she died, she took half of me with her. We were inseparable as kids, always doing everything together. I have carried her death with me for two years and the guilt that came with keeping what really happened to her from my parents. I knew they couldn’t handle the truth, so I asked the doctors to let me inform them of what happened.
Emilie would’ve loved Huntley. It’s impossible not to. More than anything, I wish I could tell Emilie about the peace Huntley brings me, how I want nothing more than to show her my heart without fear or hesitation.
“I miss you Em,” I whisper quietly, hoping the light breeze will carry my words to her. I stand up and place a kiss on her headstone. Being here has made it clear that I need to tell Huntley about my past and trust her the way she trusts me.