“I know. That’s why I wish there was a time machine so I could turn back time and undo things.”
Holly didn’t look directly at him. “Wouldn’t we all like that?”
Paul nodded solemnly. “Yeah.”
She moved to squeeze past him. “I’m tired. I’m going to bed.”
Before he knew what he was doing, he gripped her upper arm and stopped her. Then he leaned closer, dipping his head to hers. “Don’t go.”
She closed her eyes for a moment. “I have to.”
He stroked up her arm, caressing her shoulder, then brought his hand to her neck and slid it to her nape. He felt her tremble under his touch. Was it because she wanted to push him away or pull him closer? “Holly,” he whispered, bringing his lips to hers.
When her breath rushed out of her mouth and bounced against his, he lost all control and captured her lips with his.
Tasting her again after such a long time brought back the memories of that night more vividly than when he’d pleasured himself to images of Holly. His cock went rigid in a matter of seconds, and his hands did the only thing they could: They pressed her back into the cushions. Then his body was above her, his hard-on pressing against her, while his tongue explored her and he reacquainted himself with her taste.
Paul groaned at the sensations this kiss sent through his body. He’d missed this, missed kissing her, touching her, holding her in his arms.
But he wanted even more. His hand traveled lower and reached the apex of her thighs. Greedily, he cupped her sex through the fabric of her sweatpants and heard her gasp into his mouth.
He was so engrossed in the kiss that he realized too late that Holly was suddenly shoving against him and kicking him off her. He landed on the carpet.
“I’m not doing this again!” she cried. “Do you hear me? I can’t do this.” At the same time she jumped up and ran toward the hallway, disappearing from view.
“Fuck!” He’d messed things up even worse now.
Holly ran up the stairs and was glad when she reached the guest room moments later. Inside, she let herself fall on the bed and slammed her fist into the mattress.
No! No! No!
She would not give in to her desires just because it felt good to have Paul’s hands and lips on her body. No, she would not sink this low and sleep again with a man who had no respect for her. No matter what he said now. No matter how much she needed to be held.
Are you so sure about that? a voice inside her asked.
“I’m sure!” she murmured to herself.
Then why were you waiting for him to come home?
She sat up and clenched her jaw. It was true. She had been waiting for him, but only to make sure that he came home safely. After all, he’d been out drinking with his buddies, and she wanted to make sure nothing had happened to him.
Well, not even she believed that excuse. But that didn’t mean she wanted to sleep with him. Tomorrow she would talk to him and reiterate the boundaries they had agreed on. And if he couldn’t keep to them, then she had only one choice: to give back his money and leave.
And what if you’re the one who can’t keep to the boundaries? her inner voice piped up again.
In that case, she was truly and utterly screwed.
16
Paul had awakened at the crack of dawn and gone for a run on the beach, wanting to shake off the bitter aftertaste of the previous night. He felt like an ass for the way he’d behaved. And while he could certainly blame it on the amount of alcohol he’d consumed at the bar, it didn’t make him feel any better about himself.
When he came out of his room after his post-run shower, he heard sounds coming from downstairs. It appeared that Holly was up.
With trepidation, he walked into the kitchen and saw her filling the coffee machine with coffee grounds, then closing the lid and switching it on. She looked beautiful with her long blond hair falling untamed over her loose-fitting cream-colored sweater and her capri pants.
“Morning,” he said, and stopped at the door.
Holly whipped her head around to see him. “Morning.” Then she busied herself wiping down the kitchen counter.
It was obvious that she wanted to avoid him.
“Holly, I want to apologize.” He took a few steps closer, then stopped again, not wanting to encroach on her personal space. She wouldn’t appreciate it, not after his behavior last night. “I could say that I was drunk and that I kissed you because I was drunk. But it wouldn’t be the full truth.”
At his last words, she lifted her eyes and looked at him.
“Because the truth is, I kissed you because I’m still attracted to you. Nothing has changed. When I look at you, I want to touch you. I want to feel you in my arms, and I want to pleasure you. But I know that you don’t want that anymore. And I can’t really blame you.” Paul turned halfway and looked out the double doors that led into the garden and around to the pool. “I treated you terribly. We all make decisions in our lives because of the circumstances we find ourselves in. I don’t know what your circumstances were and why you chose to do what you do, and I don’t need to know. It’s not my place, just like it’s not my place to condemn you. I had no right to judge you. If I could turn back time, I would undo it all. But I don’t have those kinds of powers.”