I swallow the lump in my throat and shake my head. She's wrong. If he loved me, he'd be here. "If we belonged together, he would still be here. He's not. He took off a couple weeks ago and I have no idea how to even contact him."
Her face turns pained and a tear slides down her cheek. "I know how hard that is. I'm so sorry. I know Kellan and he's facing a lot of demons himself. Cut him a little bit of slack. I'd be willing to bet he'll come back for you. Sometimes love stuns us and it takes us a little while to accept that we truly love someone. It's a scary thing to be that vulnerable to someone else. He may be sorting some things out. Take it from someone that knows from experience; sometimes we need to experience an attempt to living without them before we can accept how much we need them."
I wait for her to say more, but she doesn't. I wonder how much she really knows.
"Were you and Adric together when he passed? I don't remember seeing you at the funeral."
She shakes her head back and forth and nervously plays with her braid. "I don't know what we were at that point. I left a couple weeks before he passed. I left because I had to get out of this town. It was the only way I'd be safe. I asked him to come with me. Actually, I begged him to come with me, but he didn't. He said his family needed him here. When I first left I was afraid to contact anyone from home. I was afraid my father would find me. By the time I got enough courage to call Adric, he never answered. I tried for weeks and then eventually the phone was cut off. I was so scared to come back, but I knew something just didn't feel right. He loved me, I knew that. He would answer if he could."
She wipes at her wet eyes while I listen. "I came to your house when I got back and was greeted by a head full of red curls. I smiled down at the little girl that I knew just had to be Zoe. I asked her if Adric was home. She gave me a blank look, tilted her head and said Adric is in the ground with flowers. Lots of flowers. I crashed to the porch on my knees and cried until I couldn't breathe. I knew exactly why he never returned my calls. He was dead. My Adric was dead. Zoe must have thought it was best to just close the door, because the door stayed closed until I left. I ran to the cemetery and found his headstone. I slept next to it for two days before I returned back to my childhood home. The one I wanted so long to get away from, but my dad was the only family I had left since Adric was gone. He beat me and treated me like dirt, but at least I was close to Adric. I would have rather stayed and took the beatings and gotten more time with Adric, but I can't change it now."
By the time, her story is done, I find my arms wrapped around her, comforting her. My heart breaks so much for this woman. The one and only woman Adric ever loved. I don't want to lose her. I don't want her to be alone. "You're not alone," I whisper. "You still have family. A sister."
She pulls away from me and smiles. "I can see why he loved you so much. Thank you."
I smile back as she pulls away. "I can say the same about you. Adric never really showed much interest in many girls. At least, never enough to have a girlfriend. You must be special. I want a chance to get to see why." I open her hand and place the guitar pick in her open palm before closing it. "I hope I'll get a chance to see you again."
She closes her hand tightly around the pick and walks past me. She stops and flashes me one last smile. "I'll be seeing you soon, Phoenix. I'm glad to have finally gotten to meet you."
"Same here," I whisper to her back as she walks away. Same here.
* * *
When I get home that night, I grab Zoe's backpack and stuff some clothes into it. For some reason, I just need to feel as close to Kellan as I can at the moment. I need some time to remember the happy moments before I'm ready to completely let go and move on. I've decided to stay at Kellan's house for a few days and see if I can get used to being there. Why leave his beautiful home sitting there with no one in it? It deserves company now that Kellans gone and Rayne is staying with Tyler. I'm sure it will be a nice escape.
When I pull into the driveway, my phone goes off, startling me. I struggle to pull it out of my pocket and laugh to myself when I see a message from Aiden asking me to hang out with him tomorrow just as friends. Instead of responding, I shove it into my purse and grab the backpack of clothing, pulling it over my shoulder. Sitting here in the driveway makes me feel anxious. I need to realize I have to do this alone now. As hard as it is, he's gone. He's never coming back no matter what River said. I know Kellan well enough to know when he makes a decision it's final.
Stepping into his bedroom, the smell of oak moss, satinwood and amber hit me hard reminding, me of his intoxicating cologne. The smell is sexy, making me wish he were here, naked with me in his bed. The thought is pure torture. Being here is going to be harder than I thought. I hate this.
I toss my clothes aside and fall onto his bed face first. I lay there for hours just doing nothing before finally, I reach over for my purse and pull out my phone. What do I have to lose? Maybe hanging out with Aiden won’t be such a bad thing. It's just as friends, so I send Aiden a text.
Phoenix: Sure . . . I'm free tomorrow. Just friends?
A few seconds later, he responds back.
Aiden: Perfect. Yes, just as friends so . . . tell your boyfriend to take it easy. I just miss you, that's all.
Phoenix: I don't have a boyfriend. There won't be any problems. I've kind of missed you too.
I slap myself for adding the last part. Sure, I've missed him being around, but it's nothing more than that. The next text comes right away.
Aiden: It's so good hearing that, baby. :) I'll text you in the afternoon with details.
I sigh, wondering if this is the right thing to do. Things can only go up from here. There's no room to go down. I'm already at my lowest.
Phoenix: Sure, talk then.
I drop my phone down beside me and curl up into Kellan's silk sheets, taking in his scent still lingering on the bed. As soon as my head hits the pillow, I'm out like a light.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Phoenix
Staring at my complexion in the mirror, I realize that I've lost some weight over the last couple weeks. The thought scares me, opening my eyes to just how far I’ve let myself go. I can't let myself drown in my own misery anymore. It's time to push every thought of losing Kellan from my mind. I have to before I lose myself.