So, I keep to myself as I close my eyes just enjoying this moment for what it is.
Chapter Thirteen
Kellan
As I start the song, the fireworks begin, bursting with colors, causing Phoenix to look up toward the sky. She almost looks as if she wants to make a mad dash for it and go inside to hide, but as her eyes meet mine, she suddenly relaxes. Something in her eyes tells me she’s been just as f**ked up as I have over the years on account of this day, so seeing her relax, allows me to breathe again. I was afraid she would want to leave right away and at the moment, I just want to be here, with this guitar in my hands and her beside me.
I haven’t told her this, but I haven’t watched fireworks in over eight years. The memory of that night haunts me too greatly to want to remember this day. I will always feel responsible for his death. I should have made it to him sooner. I should have been able to stop him, but I couldn’t. I was too late and the events that followed will always consume my soul and be too much to put on anyone else. It’s my burden to carry and no matter how heavy it is, I will continue to carry it alone.
I can tell it took her by surprise to hear Adric's song coming from me. I've worked on it for years in hopes one day I could give a small piece of him back to her, to keep him alive. He should be remembered for the amazing person he was. Those girls were everything to him. He practically raised them for the crappy parents he had. He never really had a childhood. He would have given up any dream he had to give them theirs.
I see a small smile form on Phoenix’s lips as her eyes close and her hands go up to meet the top of her hair. She pauses for a moment before running her hands through the silkiness of her hair and pulling it out of its bun, shaking her head. Her hair falls around her in beautiful brown waves and I can see her lips part as she takes a deep breath and exhales. In this moment, she is the most beautiful thing I have ever laid eyes on and all I can think about is pulling her into my arms and breathing in the scent of her sweet perfume. The thought f**ks with me, making me mad. I shouldn’t want her like this. I’m not the romantic type and never want to be. I have nothing to give her, but physical pleasure. That’s all I’m good for. I’m broken and hollow, nothing left but a shell of a man. The day Adric took his last breath, a part of me died with the mistakes that I’ve made. A part I can never get back because it was buried right along with him.
I will never be what she wants or needs, but I love how me playing the guitar can make her look so at peace. Adric used to play the guitar for her before he died and I will always remember the smile it brought to her face. No matter how upset she was, it always made her happy. I sucked back then at playing, and she would always laugh at me and tell me I should find a different hobby, because playing the guitar was doing nothing for my image. It’s a good thing I’ve had a lot of free time on my hands over the years because playing has helped bring a little peace to my life over the years when I was alone and pissed off at every living, breathing being.
I find myself staring at her, unable to turn away. She draws me in with little or no effort. Her chest is moving up and down and the black bra she’s wearing underneath her shirt becomes visible every time she inhales, pressing against the thin fabric of her shirt. My eyes trail over to her tan shoulder that is hanging out of her shirt and I get an urge to run my lips over the little freckles that run down her skin, getting lost under the sleeve. My fingers speed up as I take in the sight of her slightly parted legs, getting a glimpse of her dark laced panties. All I can imagine is what she tastes like and suddenly, my whole rhythm is off and the song turns to crap. She’s got me all kinds of f**ked up right now.
She opens her eyes and looks as if she’s about to speak, until I lay my guitar down beside me. This guitar is my most prized possession. I'll guard it with my life. The day I found Adric, it was by his side. He always said if something happened to me to take it because it was his grandfathers and it should be appreciated like he appreciated it. I took it and had it completely restored.
I focus my attention on her, zoning in on what I want. She stares at me silently as I steady my weight on my knees and reach over, pulling her up by her hand. Placing my hand behind her neck and pulling her body closer so she’s face to face with me, our bodies are flush on our knees.
I look deep into her eyes and I can feel her breath quicken against my face, making me want her even more. I want to feel her breath, ragged and calling out my name, as I push deep inside her, touching her places I shouldn’t. The want is clear on my face. I know it and so does she.
She looks a little lost as she struggles to find words and I find it to be so damn cute. “When did you learn to play like that, it was beautiful. Why did you stop?”
I don’t know. Maybe because she stuns me and makes me feel things I have been fighting for so long not to feel or maybe she’s just too beautiful. I can't seem to concentrate on anything else but her and that damn scent that comes from her every time she moves. Whatever the reason, it sucks and I’m losing my will power and everything I’ve stood for. I'm tired of fighting it.
Biting my bottom lip and sucking in my ring, I yank her body closer to mine with so much desperation that she must think I’m crazy because there wasn't but a sliver of space to begin with, but I don’t care. I have to taste her, to feel her against my skin. I press my lips against the smooth skin of her exposed shoulder and take a deep breath before running my lips up her neck, stopping just under her ear. Holy shit, she smells delicious.
She gasps and her body stiffens under my touch. I almost think she’s going to get up and make a run for it, but she doesn’t. Instead, she reminds me of how stupid I am being and I instantly hate myself for doing this to her. “I thought you said this was a mistake,” she breathes.
Fuck my life! This is a mistake because by doing this, I might be hurting us both, but I can’t think rational when I’m around her. I find my eyes retreating to her legs again, and the way they tremble turns me on like I’ve never been turned on before. My c**k is throbbing so hard it almost hurts and I feel like my zipper is about to burst at the seam. The only way to make this go away is by burying myself to the hilt in between those thighs and f**king her hard, until she comes all over my dick.
Yanking my shirt over my head, I throw it down beside me and grip her thighs, pulling her as close as I can get her. “I don’t give a shit if this is a mistake anymore. What the f**k do I know?” Breathing heavily, I run my hands up the length of her legs, spreading them wider, causing her whole body to shake. "I have to be inside you, Phoenix. I can’t take this torture anymore but there is one thing I need to know. Have you slept with my brother?”