Following her actions, I jump out of the truck and take off after her. I catch up to her quickly, grabbing her arm, and spinning her around to face me. She looks up at me with pained green eyes, before turning away. It’s as if looking at me kills her.
“Don’t walk away from me when all I’ve been trying to do is show you how much you mean to me.” Wrapping my hands in the back of her hair, I pull her closer to me and force her to look into my eyes. “I fucking love you. Do you know how hard that is for me to say to anyone? Sage is the only other person I have ever said that to and she’s fucking gone. You two are the only ones I’ve ever loved and I lost you both. I want us back. I can’t stand to be without you.”
“And you don’t think I’ve lost the one person I ever loved? Huh?” She shoves my chest, but I don’t budge an inch, which pisses her off more. “Dammit, Hemy!” She shoves me again, but I only hold her tighter, letting her know I’m not going anywhere. I’m not giving up and walking away like she did. Fuck that. I refuse. “I don’t love you anymore, okay! I don’t want to go back and try again. I won’t let history repeat itself. There is no starting over, there is no us, and there never will be. So. Let. Me. Go.”
I close my eyes and take a deep breath to calm myself. Her words sting like hell, but I don’t believe her for one second. Her eyes give away the truth and that’s enough to keep me going. She never was a good liar.
I drug her down into my dark, tormented world of demons and hate, slowly killing her day by day, making it hard for her to breathe. I shook the angel in her and now she’s pulling me into her dark, twisted world of hate and revenge, fighting to keep me out, and forcing me to hate her. Well . . . hating her is the last thing I have in store.
“I don’t believe you,” I say through clenched teeth.
Picking her up, I throw her over my shoulder and hold her up by her ass. She instantly starts struggling against me as I walk her back to my truck.
“Damn you, Hemy! Why are you so hard headed?”
I open the door and shove her inside, being careful not to hurt her. She may want to play games, but I’m going to play harder by showing her the man she fell in love with.
I lean in the window and rub my hands through her hair, causing her to look up at me with a pained expression. She always loved it when I did this in the past. It calmed her down. “You can damn me all you want, but the last thing I’m doing is letting you go again.”
Without a word, she swallows and looks away from me. I push back my emotions and walk over to my side of the truck to climb inside. It’s time to take her home with me, where she belongs.
She’s not leaving until she sees how much I love her . . .
Onyx
I hate doing this. I hate trying to push him away when all I really want to do is hold him close and bury my face into his chest. It hurts more than anyone could ever imagine, lying to everyone, even yourself. It’s something I have to do now. At first it was just to guard my heart, but now . . . it’s because I know he’s going to hate me after I tell him what I’ve been keeping from him for a while now. Why let myself get close and let him in when he’ll be hating me soon anyways? I did it for a good reason. I had to.
Hearing him say I love you breaks me down, making me want to run into his arms and scream that I love him back, and that I never stopped. Shit, all that will do is guarantee for me to be crushed again. It broke my heart to lie to him and tell him I don’t love him anymore. I hate it. I hate it.
Hemy doesn’t waste any time driving off, heading in the direction of his street. I can see the fight in him this time. He’s different: stronger, sober, and determined, all the things that I hoped for in the beginning. Now . . . it will be me to fuck things up.
I keep my face toward the window for the rest of the ride, fighting my hardest not to cry. I have been strong for four years and I refuse to let anyone see me cry now, especially Hemy. As long as I pretend that I don’t have feelings, the safer from him I will be.
When we arrive at his house, Hemy turns to me and reaches out his arm. It’s so inviting, making me want to crawl over to him and give into everything I’m fighting. “Come here,” he whispers.
I look at him, but don’t say a word. I can’t or I’ll cry.
“I. Said. Come. Here.” Reaching over, he pulls me into his lap so that my knees are positioned on the outside of his thighs. “Don’t be afraid of me.” He wraps both hands in the back of my hair and looks me in the eyes. My heart skips a beat at the warmth of his touch. “I love you more than anything in this world. I would give my life to make you happy. Please, don’t be afraid of me. It kills me.”
Feeling a tear form in my eye, I try to turn away, but Hemy grabs my face to stop me, his jaw clenching as he watches me.
“Let me see you,” he breathes. “I need to see that you still love me. You may not want to say it . . . but I see it. Just let me see it.”
I let the tear fall freely down my face, followed by a few more that I can’t seem to hold back. Hemy reaches up to wipe my tears away and that’s when I lose it. My whole body shakes as I let it all go. All the pain and hurt I have been keeping inside since the day I walked out his door comes raging out.
My face is flooded with tears now. I can barely see Hemy through the mess, but I can feel him squeezing me closer, telling me to let it all out. A part of me feels relieved.
“You’re so beautiful,” he whispers, while pressing his forehead against mine. “I promise to show you that you’re the most beautiful woman in the world to me. Do you understand?”
“Hemy,” I cry out. “I need to tell you something. I-”
“Do. You. Understand?” I nod my head, while trying to catch my breath. “I don’t want to talk about your doubts or anything bad tonight. I just want to be with you. Can you do that for me? Please.”
Taking a deep breath, I swallow and wrap my arms around his neck, pulling him as close to me as I can. I love this man so much. He’s my world and has been for ten years. This feeling I have right now, in his arms, him holding me as close as he can, is the best feeling in the world and I never want to lose it again.
I feel Hemy plant a few kisses on the top of my head before he reaches for the door and pushes in open.
“Hemy,” I cry.