By the time I returned home, Pete was already there, busy unloading boxes from the van.
“I put all the steaks in the refrigerator and the liquor delivery is in the back,” Pete informed.
I stepped behind the bar to put the cash drawer in the register.
“Oh and Tammy’s got the rest of the catering under control. We got everything on the list, so we’re good to go for the party tomorrow.”
“Thanks Pete. You and Tammy are the best! Did I give you enough money or do I still owe you?”
“The shrimp cost more than we figured but we still came in under budget. I think there was about $40 left.”
“Just keep it. Gas costs money too. I’m just thankful I have friends like you two.” I flashed him a big smile.
“So, what’s up with you?” Pete asked.
I didn’t know what to say or how to explain my mood.
“Hey, what’s going on?” He came around to the back of the bar when I looked away. “I know you’ve been… in a different situation lately. You want to talk about it?”
When I looked him in the eye, I couldn’t lie - completely. Pete was the closest thing I had to a brother in this world, and he knew me well enough to know something was wrong.
“I’m falling for him, Pete. I can’t help it anymore. I tried to just be friends,” I said. “But I want him. I’ve never wanted a man more, and now I’m worried that I’m just setting myself up for the biggest heartbreak of my life.”
Pete wrapped me in his big bear hug. “You know, when Thomas pulled that crap on you, I wanted to kill him. You’re too good of a person to accept anything less than the best in life. You deserve to be happy, Taryn! Not every guy is like Thomas. Granted, Ryan is, well... still he seems like a hell of a nice guy.”
I knew Pete didn’t want to say the words “famous” or “celebrity.” I took a step back from him. Words like “celebrity” equaled “unobtainable” in my mind.
“You just have to give the poor guy a chance first. But sometimes you can also be your own worst enemy,” Pete scolded. “If you never take chances, then of course you won’t get hurt. But that’s what life is all about, kiddo. Living through the good and bad, and – with any luck – having battle scars that heal.”
“Pete, he’s leaving in a couple of weeks. He is not going to stick around here.” I sighed heavily from the one thought that brought me the most pain. “What am I supposed to do? Put my heart out there on the silver platter again and give it all away? How convenient that all the guys I seem to fall for own sharp knives.”
Just then my phone vibrated in my pocket, startling me.
“Speaking of sharp knives.”
‘1 new message’ flashed on the screen. I read Ryan’s text message and laughed to myself.
“I need duct tape”
“For what?” I texted back.
“Bb is throwing hissy fit again she hates her costume today”
I frowned and quickly typed: “can't u lock her in a trailer?”
“I wish”
“Is she coming tomorrow?” I asked.
“Yes sorry btw I slept great last night best night sleep in a long time”
My fingers quickly typed: “Liar”
“Truth!” popped up on my display. I smiled at his reply.
“Cu tomorrow at 5?” I replied.
“U can c me tonight if u want?”
I couldn’t text him back. I wanted to see him so bad but the self-preservation portions of my heart and brain were screaming NO at me.
If I say, “sure, come on over and hop in my bed again” – would he deem me easy?
If I say, “no, because I really want a relationship and not a one-night stand” – would he move on?
Why am I mentally torturing myself? Remember Taryn, he’s going to be swirling out of your town and out of your life in a few weeks.
Just because he is popular and well known, does that make him exempt from having to win my heart? Well, that’s silly. He cracks my will every time he is in the same room with me, so he really doesn’t have to try too hard to win my affection.
Maybe one day when I’m old and gray I can tell my story of how I had unbelievably insane sex with a movie star once? That would be something to tell the grandkids.
Maybe my name could be a sub-text blurb under his name on some Ryan Christensen website. October – slept with foolish girl in Rhode Island before he met his movie star wife and went on to have blue-eyed babies with her.
I used to see everything so black or white. Once I made a decision, I stuck by it. But since this man entered my life, my whole being has been disrupted and blurred in shades of gray-tinted what-if’s.
One thing was for sure: if I give in to him, I would want him again and again. There would not be a way to survive a one-time encounter with him.
Ryan’s foot touching my foot was enough of a gesture to make me want him. And when he held me this morning, his fingers twined with mine, his body pressed against me, making love to him was all I could think of.
“Taryn, are you okay?” Marie’s voice snapped me back into the room. “Why are you sitting in the corner? Are you sick?”
“Just mentally torturing myself,” I muttered.
“Oh, I see. And how’s that going for ya?” she asked, cracking a grin at me.
“Not good. The angel and the devil are debating on whether I should cave or stand my ground.”
“Finally! It took you long enough!” she said excitedly. “And?”
I shrugged.
“You know what I think? I think you should stop all this nonsense and screw the shit out of him until he passes out from exhaustion. And when he wakes up, wash him and then screw the daylights out of him again!” She was beaming at me.
“You’ll have to feed him, of course, to keep his energy level up, but make sure you hide his clothes so he can’t get dressed. Men can’t run when they’re naked.”
I couldn’t stop laughing. “Thanks! I needed that.”
“Come on,” she said while pulling me off the box in the corner. “Let’s get you focused. It will be like training an athlete.”
Our Saturday night crowd was unusually light. I didn’t have a band scheduled, so I presumed that we wouldn’t have as many customers, but since Ryan had been to my place twice, every night seemed to be busy. I wondered why tonight was different. I noticed that the influx of extr a women was missing. A few guys came in, but when they saw that the place was devoid of a hearty selection of women, they packed up and left.