“I certainly did not,” Becker said stiffly.
“I call bullshit. After Savannah modeled what she’d bought, I didn’t let her leave the bed for a week. And Savannah told me she and Jane made identical purchases.” Matt cocked a brow. “Did Jane get that lacy black mesh thing with the garter belt?”
“No,” Becker muttered.
“No?”
The lieutenant commander sighed. “She got it in red.”
As everyone laughed, Cash experienced the most bizarre pang of envy. He found himself wishing that he could contribute to the conversation. Not that he wanted to talk about what kind of lingerie Jen wore, but the idea of calling her his “girl” and sharing stories appealed to him.
Man, he really had it bad.
“All right, enough with the chick talk,” Seth announced. “I feel like I’m at a teenage girl’s slumber party.”
Ryan shuffled the deck, but before he could deal a fresh hand, they were interrupted by the arrival of Carson.
The room fell silent.
“Wow,” Dylan remarked. “You look like shit, LT.”
Cash wholly concurred. In fact, he’d never seen Carson look so…wrecked. Clad in faded jeans and a T-shirt boasting several holes, jaw covered in stubble, blond hair tousled as if he’d repeatedly run his fingers through it. And his expression reflected nothing but sheer misery.
“Sit down,” Garrett said quietly. “I’ll grab you a beer.”
“In a minute,” Carson said in a tired voice. His blue eyes shifted to Cash. “McCoy, a word?”
With a nod, Cash stood up, ignoring the bewildered looks he received from the others. He followed Carson out of the den, and they headed toward Garrett and Shelby’s kitchen, where Carson made a beeline for the sliding door leading to the backyard. The night air was balmy when they stepped outside.
Carson dropped into a wicker chair and pointed to the chair across from him. “Sit.”
Cash sat, then waited.
After several long moments, Carson cleared his throat. “How’s the lip?”
“It’s fine.”
A pained look flashed across the other man’s face. “I shouldn’t have slugged you like that.”
Cash sighed. “Honestly, I’m surprised you didn’t do worse.”
Carson rubbed the stubble coating his chin in a gesture of pure frustration. “Holly’s staying with her sister again.”
“Aw, f**k. I’m sorry, man.” Cash had never seen Carson look so dejected, so beaten, and his heart went out to the guy.
“Look, about that woman you and Jenny saw me with,” Carson started.
“You don’t have to explain. It’s none of our business.”
“Her name’s Angel Whittaker. She’s…ah, the therapist I’ve been seeing.”
“Seriously?”
“Yeah, I started seeing her a month or two before we got deployed.” Carson hung his head. “Holly and I were having problems then too. And once we got back, things just got worse, so I called Angel. She was on vacation, but I convinced her to meet me for coffee so we could talk about…you know, about everything.”
“Is she helping?”
“Not really, but I’ve realized that’s because I was talking to the wrong person. I should have been talking to my wife instead of babbling on to some stranger about how much things suck. Angel told me I wouldn’t fix anything unless I start openly communicating with Holly. Jenny said the same thing, but idiot that I am, I’m going around thinking everything will fix itself, or that having a baby might make things better. I’m an ass**le, huh?”
“You’re not an ass**le. Well, not all of the time.”
Carson flashed a dry grin. “Thanks.”
“So what now?” Cash asked.
“Now I try to convince my wife how much I f**king love her. I know it’s tough for her, with me gone for long periods of time, but it’s tough for me too. I love that woman to death and I don’t care if we have ten kids or no kids. I just want Holly.”
“You should be saying this to her, not me,” Cash pointed out.
“Trust me, I’ll tell her.” Carson got that look in his eyes, the determined one he donned during particularly hazardous missions. “I’ll keep telling her until she gets sick of hearing it.”
“Sounds like a good plan.”
“And listen, about you and my sister…”
He winced. “I’m sorry about that, LT. It was a total violation of guy code, I know that, but it just happened. I didn’t plan on getting involved with her, and if you want to punch me in the face a few more times, I promise I won’t even put up a fight. But…” A heavy breath slipped out. “But if you ask me to end it, I’ll respectfully refuse.”
Carson tipped his head to the side. “You really do care about her, don’t you?”
He nodded. Then he shook his head. “No. I more than care about her. I’m in love with her.”
Carson’s eyebrows shot up. “For real?”
“Yes.”
To his surprise, Carson didn’t seem angry. Only impressed, and oddly sad. “Shit, I’m not just an ass**le husband, am I? I suck in the brother department too, apparently. I really do treat her like a child, don’t I?”
“Yep.”
“It’s because I’m used to thinking of her as the baby of the family, you know? And fine, maybe I still see her as a bit of a screw-up. She’s smart as hell, but she didn’t make any effort in school. She could’ve gotten As in every f**king class, gone to some Ivy League college and become a big-shot career woman, but she was always more concerned with taking pictures.”