The realization hit her with all the subtlety of lightning splitting a tree in two. She felt just as ripped apart inside. The reason she felt so confused and unsettled wasn’t because Arizona was so appealing, or because the circumstances were new. It was because she’d fallen for him. She, a woman who constantly resisted getting involved, had fallen for a man who specialized in leaving everyone else behind.
* * *
A RUMBLE OF a distant engine cut through the silence of the afternoon. Arizona glanced at his watch. Two-thirty. Right on time. Jeff shook his hand.
“Let me know what you find,” he said, pointing to the acrylic box. “Good luck this summer.”
“You, too,” Arizona said, then watched his friend head back to the main part of the dig.
“What’s that noise?” Chloe asked. She rose to her feet and stared up at the sky. “A helicopter?”
“It’s our ride home,” Arizona told her. “The lecture series starts the day after tomorrow. There isn’t time to hike out. We should be at the airport in about forty minutes. We’re on the five o’clock flight to Sacramento. You’ll be home by bedtime.”
The noise got louder.
“We could have used a helicopter to get here?” Chloe asked.
“Sure. What did you think that circle was for?” He pointed to the huge white spot on the dirt. “It’s the landing pad.”
“I see.” She turned to him. “So why exactly did we hike in here? I mean, what was the point?”
There was something stiff about her posture. Her face was unreadable.
“Are you angry?” he asked. She didn’t answer. He scrambled to explain. “I thought it would be fun.”
“For you,” she said curtly.
“For both of us. The weather promised to be excellent, it’s a pretty easy hike. I wanted to spend time with you. I thought you wanted the same.”
He could feel the shifting emotional ground underfoot and struggled to stay upright. It was clear that he’d done something wrong, but for the life of him, he couldn’t figure out what.
“Which part was more enjoyable?” she asked. “Was it watching me try to be a good sport my first time camping out, or did you like getting it on better?”
“Chloe, no. It wasn’t like that. I enjoy spending time with you. I thought you felt the same. With our schedules, we haven’t been able to be together as much as I would have liked. I thought this was a good way to make that happen. I wasn’t trying to trick you into anything. I didn’t force you last night.”
Her expression softened slightly and he saw the pain in her eyes. How in God’s name had he hurt her? He took a step toward her. She held up a hand to stop him.
“Don’t sweat it, Arizona. You’re a hundred percent right. You didn’t force me. I practically begged for it.”
“Chloe, don’t.”
“Don’t what?” Her dark eyes spit fire. “Don’t tell the truth? So I assume you had a radio with you the whole time? You could have called in the helicopter if something had gone wrong.”
“Sure. If we’d had an accident.”
“Or if I hadn’t been good enough in bed.”
With that she swung on her backpack and walked away. He collected his belongings and ran after her. The helicopter was on the ground, making it difficult to talk. He grabbed her arm and forced her to stop and face him.
“What’s going on?” he asked. “How did we get here?”
“I don’t like being made a fool of. You tricked me.”
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about the helicopter, but I’m not sorry about what happened. I don’t think you are either.” She flinched, but he kept on talking. “Don’t make me out to be the bad guy. What we shared out there wasn’t just sex and you know it. It was very special. I’m not going to regret that. I’ll admit I didn’t make you any promises. I don’t do commitments, but if I remember correctly, they’re not your style either. So why are you so upset?”
Her gaze was steady. Strands of red curls fluttered around her face. “I don’t like being the entertainment.”
His temper flared. “It was never like that and you damn well know it.” He ground his teeth together. “Fine. Let’s play it your way. I brought you along to have my way with you. It was great. Thanks, babe. Now can we go home?”
Something dark and ugly flashed in her eyes. Regret came on the heels of his anger and he was instantly sorry. But before he could say anything, Jeff pulled open the helicopter’s door and motioned for her to step inside. Arizona followed.
They fastened their seat belts. The pilot glanced over his shoulder and when Arizona gave him a thumbs-up, guided them into the air.
Normally Arizona enjoyed flying. Helicopters hugged the ground, allowing him to see things not visible from planes. But today the scenery didn’t interest him. He looked at the woman sitting stiffly next to him. Her gaze was firmly fixed on the window.
“Chloe?”
She didn’t respond. It was noisy and she might not have heard him. Or she was ignoring him. Arizona leaned back in his seat and folded his arms over his chest. They were stuck with each other until they arrived back in California. At some point in the journey he would get her attention and explain it all to her.
* * *
HE WAITED UNTIL they were seated in the first-class section of the plane. While other passengers were busy stowing luggage and finding their seats, he leaned close and reached for her hand. She tried to pull back, but he wouldn’t let her.
“Chloe, you have to listen to me.”
She stared out the window. “No, I don’t.”
“Unless you start humming loud enough to drown out my words, you’re going to hear me anyway, so why not listen?”
He took her silence as grudging agreement.
“I’m sorry,” he told her. “I was a complete jerk. I should have told you about the helicopter and given you the choice. I really didn’t take you out in the woods just to take advantage of you. Obviously I hoped we would become lovers, but my main goal was to spend time with you.”
She didn’t say anything, but he thought she might have relaxed slightly. He rubbed his thumb over the back of her hand. “I’m not sorry we made love. I’ve wanted you from the first moment I met you. You’re beautiful and exciting. I’m lucky to have met you. I’m arrogant enough to think you might have wanted me, too. Even if you didn’t, the lovemaking was spectacular enough to have changed your mind.”
A faint smile tugged at her lips. She turned to look at him. “Even if you do say so yourself.”
He shrugged. “You weren’t going to say it.”
She took a deep breath, then let it out. He squeezed her fingers. “I didn’t set you up.”
“I know,” she said softly. “It’s just, when I realized we could have flown in, I felt really cheap and stupid.”
“I’m sorry. I didn’t want that.”
She nodded. “It’s okay. How long can I throw stones? I had a condom with me, too.”
“I remembered that, but I wasn’t going to mention it.”
“Probably a wise idea.” She studied him. “I’m fine. I understand and I’m not angry.”
“Or hurt?”
“That will take a little longer to get over.”
“I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay. You don’t have to keep apologizing. I’m fine. We’re fine.”
But they weren’t. He could hear it in her voice. “You’re not telling me something. What is it?”
She was silent for so long, he thought she wasn’t going to answer. Finally she shrugged. “It’s nothing. I just wish…”
Her voice trailed off.
What did she wish for? That things were different? That they were different? Did she want more than he was capable of giving? Women usually did. Normally that made him feel annoyed with them, but with Chloe he felt a sense of panic, that if he couldn’t provide what she needed, he would lose her.
But how could he lose what he didn’t want and had never had?
“We’re fine,” she repeated. “We both went into the situation aware that it was temporary. Neither of us wants to get involved and we’re not. We had fun. What’s not to like?”
She gave him a big smile and squeezed his hand. It didn’t work. She was hiding something. But as surely as he knew the sun would come up in the morning, he knew she wouldn’t tell him if he asked.
As the plane taxied to the end of the runway, he leaned toward her. Chloe rested her head on his shoulder. He couldn’t escape the feeling that he’d really messed things up between them, but for the life of him, he couldn’t figure out what…or how. And until he knew that, he couldn’t begin to make things better.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
CHLOE PULLED INTO the driveway and stayed sitting in her car. This was not how she’d wanted the past couple of days with Arizona to end. She’d hoped they would be fun and pleasant and something she could be excited about remembering. The worst part was she couldn’t exactly explain what was wrong.
It was something about the helicopter, she knew. He’d asked her to hike in with him and there had been no need. She understood what he’d told her, that he’d wanted time for them to get to know each other and that they would have a good time together. But…
But why did it hurt so damn much? She rested her head on the steering wheel and drew in a deep breath. She felt stupid. Which didn’t make sense. No wonder Arizona was confused—she couldn’t make sense of it herself. She’d agreed to go into the wilderness with him. She’d even brought along a condom. So the fact that they’d become lovers shouldn’t be such a huge shock. She’d wanted it, too. But telling herself that didn’t make the pain in her chest go away.
She got out of the car and pulled her backpack from the small trunk. She’d barely made it to the base of the rear steps when the back door opened and Cassie stepped out onto the porch.
“You’re back! I’m so excited. I’ve been sitting here waiting. I want to hear every single detail. Start at the beginning and talk slowly.”
Chloe stared at her sister’s happy face. Cassie grinned like a Cheshire cat. “Was it wonderful?” she asked. “Did you two do the wild thing?”
Without warning, Chloe burst into tears. One minute she’d been fine, but the next sobs choked her as tears poured down her face.
Cassie was at her side in an instant. “Oh, Chloe, I’m so sorry. Come on. Come inside. I don’t know what’s wrong, but I do know that we can fix it together.”
Chloe found herself led into the kitchen. Cassie took her backpack from her and set it in the corner. She settled her sister in one of the kitchen chairs, disappeared for a second, then returned with a box of tissues. While Chloe tried to bring herself under control, Cassie started heating milk for cocoa.
The familiar smells made Chloe want to weep more. Their mother had often made cocoa to help them through life’s troubles when they were growing up. It remained a tradition today. Chloe wished that her problems were as simple as they had been all those years ago. The warm drink frequently worked when she’d done poorly on a spelling test or had been teased by a boy in school, but she doubted it was going to help tonight.
Still, she took the mug Cassie offered and when her sister took the seat across from her, she tried to smile. “It’s not so bad,” she said. “I’m fine.”
“Oh, I can tell.” Cassie tucked her thick, dark hair behind her ears and leaned forward. “Start at the beginning and tell me what’s wrong.”
“I don’t know where to begin.” She took a sip of the steaming liquid. The rich chocolate taste comforted her. “It’s all so complicated. I never meant—” She broke off and glanced around. “Where’s Aunt Charity?”
Cassie frowned. She’d never understood Chloe’s reluctance to trust their aunt. “She’s out with friends. Dinner and a movie. She’ll be home late. Quit stalling. What’s going on?”
Chloe resisted the urge to unburden herself. “I can’t. You’ll get angry.”
“Why? You haven’t done anything to me. I’m your sister, I care about you. I want to help.”
“I know, but you’ll be hurt and—” She pressed her lips together. She had really made a mess of things. “I never thought it would get so complicated.”
“Chloe, you’re not making any sense. What is too complicated? I know this is about Arizona, but I don’t know how. Did something bad happen? Did he hurt you?”
“No,” Chloe answered, knowing what her sister was asking. Arizona had hurt her but not in a way that was anyone’s fault. “I want to tell you and I will, but please don’t be mad.”
Cassie made an X over her heart. “I swear.”
As Chloe tried to speak, fresh tears filled her eyes. She wiped them away with the back of her hand, then took a sip of the cocoa. “It’s all because of that stupid nightgown,” she said at last. “We had sex and it ruined everything.” The knot in her stomach tightened. She’d made a complete fool out of herself and she had only herself to blame. What on earth had she been thinking? Why had she given in? He must think… Chloe realized she didn’t know what Arizona thought of her, which, in a way, made things worse.
“I don’t understand,” Cassie said. “What does the nightgown have to do with anything? Did you take it with you and wear it?”