Chloe hadn’t known what to expect. She’d thought her aunt might bring up some minor transgression from high school. Something that she, Chloe, had thought she’d gotten away with. She hadn’t expected this—that her aunt had known the truth all along. Or had she?
“When did you figure it out?” she asked.
Charity’s dark eyes were kind, her expression loving. “The next morning. It was so obvious from the look on your face that you’d dreamed about someone interesting. Then you heard the television and glanced at the screen. For a second I thought you were going to faint. Your reaction to Arizona that night merely confirmed my suspicions.”
Suddenly a few pieces of the puzzle fell into place. “Did you invite him here deliberately so that I would meet him?”
Charity placed her hand flat against her chest. “Would I do that? Of course not. I had always planned to invite Arizona over during his visit. I’ll admit that seeing your reaction to him sped up the timetable a little, but that’s all.”
“Oh, that’s all.” Chloe didn’t know whether to laugh or bury her face in her hands. She’d been set up. No wonder she’d had the feeling that she couldn’t escape the man. Fate might have conspired when she’d been given the article assignment, but it hadn’t been working alone. Aunt Charity had been a willing accomplice.
“I’m impressed,” she admitted. “You do know things.”
“I know something else.”
“I’m almost afraid to ask, but here goes. What?”
“You’re in love with him, but you don’t want to admit it.”
Chloe slumped back in her chair. “I know. I am, at least I think I am. I’ve been fighting it for a while. I don’t want to love anyone else. It always hurts.”
“Honey, if that’s the lesson you learned from your parents’ death, then you learned the wrong lesson. Yes, they were taken far too soon, but they still lived. They had each other and you girls. They were happy and they were wonderful people. You should be grateful you had any time with them, not bitter because it hurt when they were gone. If it hadn’t been painful, then they wouldn’t have been worth loving.”
Her words almost made sense. Chloe backed away from the truth. “It’s not just them. I’ve had other heartache.”
“I know about the young man you fell in love with in high school. Cassie told me.”
“He died,” Chloe said firmly. “He was my life. I was seventeen and I loved with my whole heart. One day he was just gone.”
Charity’s mouth twisted down. “Would you rather have played it safe? Knowing what you know now, if you could turn back time, would you not have loved him?”
The question stung. Chloe sucked in a breath as pain shot through her chest. Knowing what she knew now, could she walk away from Billy? She’d wrestled with this question before.
She pictured his face in her mind, remembered the feel of his hand as he held hers. She thought about the whispered promises they’d made when they thought they had forever. They had been so in love with each other, so convinced that they would never need anyone else.
Those were magical times, she admitted to herself. They’d been so young and yet it had felt right. Would it have been better to play it safe?
“No,” she whispered, answering both Aunt Charity’s question and her own. “I would still have loved him. I would still have wanted to be there at the end, holding his hand.” She blinked back the sudden tears. “Those last months were horrible. The family tried everything, Billy fought against the cancer, but in the end, it won. He wanted to die at home, so he did. We were all there, all trying to be brave for him. I remember he kept saying it was okay to cry.”
She brushed at the tears on her cheeks. “He told me I had made his life worth living.”
“I’m sure you did,” her aunt told her. “That has value…for both of you.”
Chloe nodded. Her throat was tight. “I remember his last breath. He exhaled and then was very still. We all waited, willing him to take in another breath, but he was gone. I thought I was going to die. I prayed to go with him so that we could always be together, just like we’d promised each other.”
“But your life had a different path than his.”
“I know that now, but at seventeen I was devastated.”
Chloe thought about all her aunt had asked, all she’d asked herself. “I can’t regret loving Billy,” she said slowly. “Knowing what I know now, I would do it all again. I would love him and I would sit next to him on the bed and watch him die.”
“We aren’t always guaranteed a happy ending,” Charity said. “But that doesn’t mean we are allowed to stop loving. That is our purpose. Our great gift and sometimes the source of our sorrow. The world has much to offer, but first we must be willing to accept what is given. Love doesn’t come for free, but it’s always worth the effort.”
“You’re telling me not to be afraid to love Arizona.”
“I’m telling you that you’ll regret turning your back on the gift, if that’s what’s offered. But there are no promises, Chloe. You know that.”
She didn’t know. That was the problem. “In some ways we’re so much alike, but in others…” She shook her head. “I’ve been thinking about what I’ve been doing. Here in Bradley, I mean. In my life. I keep telling everyone, including myself, that when I have the right number and types of articles, I’ll go to New York and find a job with a big magazine. Isn’t that the craziest thing you’ve ever heard?”
“No. You’re very talented.”
Chloe smiled. “Thanks, Aunt Charity, but that’s not what I meant. I’ve been sitting here wondering what I’m waiting for. Why do I need the perfect article? If I can’t get a writing job, I’ll bet there’s something I can do at a magazine. I can intern, or be an assistant for a while. I already work for a reputable publication. I know the industry. But I’ve been waiting for exactly the right circumstances.”
Her aunt nodded. “You’re starting to wonder if that’s a symptom for something else.”
“Exactly. I’m starting to think I don’t want to leave Bradley. That I love this old house and this town. My family, my job, my friends. Somewhere along the line I got the idea that to be a ‘real’ writer, I had to go somewhere else. Otherwise, I didn’t really have a dream. But my dreams can work here just as well. I don’t have to move away and I’m starting to think I don’t want to.”
“Then don’t. No one is making you go. I’m sure your editor at the magazine right here would be thrilled to know you were staying.”
“But what about Arizona?” Chloe asked softly. “I’ve just figured out that all I want in life is right here in my own backyard. Just like in the movies. There’s no place like home. But the man I’ve fallen in love with doesn’t have a real home. He travels the world.”
“I see your point. It’s an interesting dilemma.”
Chloe rubbed her temples. “He’s not perfect. In fact, I’m very clear on his flaws. He can be stubborn and he does impulsive things that make me crazy. But he’s a good man, with a kind heart. He’s not perfect, but he’s exactly right for me.” She looked at the older woman sitting across from her. “I don’t know what to do.”
“That’s easy. Follow your heart.”
“But it’s not saying anything. I’m torn. On the one hand I want to stay in Bradley. On the other, I love Arizona. I don’t see how I can win. Even if I asked him to take me with him and he agreed, I’m afraid I wouldn’t be happy.”
“There’s another solution. Ask him to stay here.”
Chloe shook her head. “That’s not possible. You know him. He would hate being tied down to one place. All he knows is traveling. He’s not interested in putting down roots.”
“Maybe he’s tired of what he’s been doing and wants to try something else. What does it hurt to ask?”
“No,” Chloe said firmly, wishing it could be otherwise. “He’s not that kind of man. He doesn’t even believe in love.” She tried to make herself smile and had a feeling that it came out all wrong. “I would need him to love me and I don’t think he can. So there’s no point in asking him to stay. Letting him go is the right thing to do.”
Charity rose to her feet. “At the risk of destroying our newly found rapport, your logic is completely flawed. Frankly, I think you’re afraid. If you don’t ask, then he won’t say yes and you don’t have to put anything on the line.”
“That’s not true. How can you say that? By not asking, I’m guaranteeing myself that I’m going to get hurt. Do you think I want that?”
Charity stared at her. “It’s not that simple. If you don’t ask him to stay or even hint that you have strong feelings for him, then Arizona is probably going to leave. While you won’t be happy with that, at least you’ll be safe. You already know you’re going to feel pain when he’s gone.” She reached out and grasped Chloe’s hand. “You’re trying to maintain control. If you confess your feelings, then you don’t know what you two will decide. You don’t know how much you might hope and then be disappointed. Or worse, that he might agree and then you’re stuck with him. What then? You might have to actually deal with loving him. You’re afraid. It’s easier to let him go than to put yourself on the line and ask for what you want. The real terror isn’t that he would say no…it’s that he would say yes.”
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
“SO THERE I was, up to my knees in mud in the pouring rain, staring directly at the white sapphire.” Arizona paused long enough to motion to the beautiful gem displayed in a lit glass case at the front of the lecture hall.
The video camera panned to follow his gesture. Instantly the picture on the screens on both sides of the huge, filled-to-capacity lecture hall changed from a silver screen-size view of Arizona’s handsome features, to a close-up of the gem.
“I knew if I could just reach a couple more inches, I would hold it in my hand.” He smiled. “Talk about living a fantasy.”
He paused for effect and gave Chloe a quick wink. She blushed and made sure the camera was still pointing at the gem. As she was in the front row and directly in Arizona’s line of vision, he could see her easily. She didn’t mind if the people around them noticed the wink, but she didn’t want it on the videotape or broadcast to the large crowd. Cassie nudged her, then gave her a knowing smile.
“I would guess he’s completely smitten,” her sister whispered.
Chloe’s only answer was a shake of her head, but she knew her blush gave her away. Whether or not Arizona was smitten, she was head over heels for the guy. She’d attended every one of his lectures over the past week. She could listen to him talk forever.
“I leaned forward,” he continued. “Then I felt it. The steady pressure of the anaconda going past me, then turning so it was between me and my prize.”
The audience gasped. Chloe found herself also caught up in his story. It had been like this each of the previous nights. Arizona wove fabulous stories from his life. They were made all the more enthralling because they were based on truth. But it was more than that. He had a way about him, about his speech patterns and word choices. While other lecture series could inform and even intrigue, his brought the audience right to the moment. He was a born storyteller in the great oral tradition. Had this been a hundred years ago, he would have plied his trade around campfires. Considering all the places he went to, he probably did.
“You can imagine what I was thinking,” he said. “That this seems like a great time for a break!”
There was a moment of stunned silence, then a burst of laughter. Everyone applauded.
As the crowd began to circulate through the room, Arizona moved to the stage stairs. Chloe, Cassie and Charity stood up. Chloe glanced toward Arizona, but before she could move toward him, he was surrounded by adoring fans.
It had been like this every night since the lecture series began. The giant ballroom filled to capacity, the mesmerized audience, Arizona the center of attention. Last night, after the lecture, when he’d led her to his bed and held her gently, he’d asked if she was angry with him.
“I don’t mean to ignore you,” he’d told her.
She’d explained that she understood completely. When he made the audience laugh or gasp or applaud spontaneously, he was just sharing his gift. She wasn’t thrilled with the pretty young women who seemed to stand so close, but there wasn’t much she could do about that. He’d responded by tickling her until she begged for mercy, all the while telling her she should know better than to think he would be interested in anyone but her. They’d ended up lost in passion.
Later, alone in her own bed, she’d thought about what he’d told her. She wanted to believe him. She wanted to think he wouldn’t be interested in anyone but her. However, she had her doubts.
“I’m going to force my way into that crowd,” Cassie said as she eyed the group of people around Arizona. “Tonight is the last night of the series. I want to tell him how much I’ve enjoyed myself. He’s leaving in a couple of days and I might not get to see him again.”
“I’ll join you,” their aunt said. “What about you, Chloe?”
“No, thanks. I think I’ll head the other way and get something to drink.”