He sucked in a breath. Was that what this came down to? His belief in love? Was that what was happening with Chloe? Was the reason he couldn’t forget about her and always wanted to be with her because he cared about her? Was it growing into more than caring?
The reception line finally ended. Arizona headed over to the bar and got himself a drink. As he sipped, he looked for Chloe. But instead of seeing her, he saw the people in the room and realized most of them were couples. What was it that bound two people together for a lifetime? The concept of marriage was as old as man. He’d traveled enough to know it was fairly universal. He’d seen dozens of couples who had faced great odds to be together, who were still together after several years.
“You’re looking pensive about something,” Cassie said as she, Chloe and Charity joined him.
“I’m fine.”
“Good.” She gave him her pretty, open smile. “The lecture tonight was even better than last night, and I didn’t think that was possible. You’re really gifted. Do you ever speak at schools?”
“Frequently. Kids are the best. They always have at least one question to stump me.”
Cassie giggled. “I know what you mean. At the preschool where I work, every kid’s favorite question is ‘why?’ Sometimes I can’t think of an answer. I don’t know why water is wet or dogs aren’t bendy when you pick them up like cats are.”
“Cats are superior animals,” Charity said.
Cassie shook her head. “They are not. Dogs love people, cats tolerate them.”
Arizona turned toward Chloe and found her watching him. He wanted to get lost in her dark eyes and never find his way out again. He wanted to tell her all he’d been thinking and find a solution together. Which was crazy. He refused to get seriously involved, and Chloe didn’t want to put herself on the line again. So there was no need to talk about anything.
Except when he thought about leaving Bradley, he thought about a beautiful woman with a giving soul and a stately Victorian house that one could easily call home.
* * *
THEY WERE THE only people in the elevator. Even though Chloe had been to Arizona’s room dozens of times, she found herself oddly nervous. Which was crazy.
“Come here,” he said when the door closed and they started their ascent.
She stepped into his embrace and welcomed the feel of his mouth on hers. Instantly, her body was ready for him. Heat filled her as her br**sts swelled and that secret place between her legs dampened in readiness.
“You’re amazing,” he murmured as the door opened on his floor and they broke apart. “I can’t get enough of you.”
If only that were true, she thought. Then he wouldn’t leave. But there was no point in wishing for what could never be.
“Cassie was right,” Chloe said as she stepped into his suite. “Tonight’s lecture was better than last night’s. I don’t know how you come up with so many entertaining stories.”
“It’s a gift,” he said as he turned on several lights. “I don’t think I can take credit for it. I’ve always told stories. The difference is this time I’m at a podium instead of sitting around a campfire.”
His description matched what she’d been thinking earlier that night. They had much in common—they even thought alike at times. In many ways, she knew him better than she’d ever known anyone before.
She opened her mouth to tell him that, but what came out instead was not what she’d had planned. “I spoke with Dr. Grantham,” she told him.
“I saw you two talking,” he said as he crossed to the small refrigerator and pulled out a bottle of white wine. “We had lunch yesterday. He’s quite the scholar. I liked him very much.”
No surprise there, she thought. They would have a lot in common. “He told me they’d offered you a job.”
Arizona had reached for a wine cork. Now he placed both on the coffee table and crossed to stand in front of her. He took her small handbag and put it on the sofa, then linked his fingers with hers. He was tall and handsome. His green eyes glowed with fire and with concern.
“We should probably talk about that,” he said.
“There’s nothing to say, is there? After all, you turned him down.” She tried to keep her voice steady, her tone light. She didn’t want him to know she was starting to hurt. At first she’d been numbed by confusion, but now the pain filled her. He was really going away and there was nothing she could do to stop him.
“It’s not that simple, Chloe. You know that. There are a lot of reasons I would like to stay…”
“But more reasons to go,” she said, finishing his sentence.
His mouth twisted. “Yes.” He raised one hand and cupped her face. “You are so beautiful. I’ve enjoyed all our times together. If I had ever thought about staying, it would be now. With you.”
His words were a cold comfort. She had to clear her throat before she could speak. “But you can’t.”
“No, I can’t stay.” He pulled her hard against him. His arms came around her body, and she clung to him.
“Please understand,” he said. “It’s not about you. I come from a long line of men who leave and I don’t know how to do anything else but what they’ve taught me. I don’t make promises I can’t keep. I’m not sure I believe in love.”
She told herself that he’d progressed from definitely not believing to not being sure, but it wasn’t enough. “I don’t believe in magic,” she whispered against his shoulder and closed her eyes as tears blurred her vision.
“We have tonight,” he said. “And the time until I leave. Is that enough or do you want to go now?”
She wished he wasn’t a gentleman. At least then when he was gone she could try to hate him. But he was. He reminded her he couldn’t give her more than a temporary relationship, then offered her a chance to leave if she had to.
Chloe supposed that pride would insist that she stalk out with her back straight and a few stinging words to reduce him to dust. But she couldn’t. He’d never lied to her. From that first day, she’d known their relationship was only temporary. Nothing had changed…except for her feelings. But then falling in love with him had been her own stupid fault.
So instead of leaving, she rose on tiptoe and pressed her mouth to his. If they only had a short time to be together, she would savor every second, commit it to memory and live on it for the rest of her life.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
THE LAST SHUDDER of his release ripped through him. Arizona groaned out Chloe’s name, then rested his head against her shoulder. Their breathing came in rapid gasps; they were both slick with sweat and tangled together. He wanted to stay like this forever.
She ran her hands up and down his back. “Thank you.”
He raised himself up on his arms and gazed at her face. “Thank you. I have to admit, we seemed to have discovered a new level of intimacy. It’s almost as if we’re communicating with our bodies.”
Her smile was content. “Isn’t that how it’s supposed to be?”
“Maybe, but I’ve never experienced it before.” He was doing a bad job of telling her what he felt, but how was he supposed to explain the sensation of his heart and mind being opened to her? That for those few minutes, when he was inside her and she clung to him, that they really were one…just like all those old sappy songs promised.
“It’s amazing,” he said at last, knowing that didn’t come close to what he meant.
“Well, you’re the one with the expertise. All those women in your background. I’ll just have to bow to your superior knowledge.”
Her expression remained innocent, but the teasing in her voice gave her away. “You think you’re very smart, don’t you?” he asked.
“No. I don’t think it. I know it.”
“Oh, really. So what do you know about this?” He reached one hand down and started tickling her bare side.
“No, Arizona, don’t!” Chloe wiggled and tried to get away, but she was pinned beneath him. She writhed. “Stop. You have to stop.”
“Not really.”
He shifted his weight all back on his legs so he could sit up and attack her with both hands. She retaliated, but he wasn’t feeling especially ticklish that night. He squirmed under her wiggling fingers, but didn’t have to pull away.
She laughed louder, then shrieked, “Stop! Please.”
He released her. “Only if you—”
But she wasn’t listening. Instead she took advantage of her freedom to lunge for his feet. Arizona scrambled to get out of her way. He knew he was definitely ticklish there.
He grabbed her around the waist and turned so he could fall backward on the bed, pulling her with him. She kicked out and tried to escape, but he held her fast. She spun in his arms so that she was on top of him, facing him.
Her long curly hair tangled around her face. They were breathing as hard as they had been a few minutes ago, but this time for an entirely different reason.
“Ready to give up and play nice?” he asked.
She blew the hair out of her face. A strand drifted up a few inches, then fell back across her nose. “I’ll never give up.”
He began tickling her sides. “If you insist.”
She shrieked again. “No, you win. I’ll be good.”
“Promise?”
She nodded.
He gently rolled them both onto their side. They were facing each other. He tucked her hair behind her ears, then rested his hand on her waist.
The position was familiar. They often ended up this way after making love. They would talk for hours before she returned to her house. They only had a couple more nights together. He wished she would spend this night with him, but he understood that she didn’t want to be seen leaving his hotel first thing in the morning. But tonight, more than any other time, he didn’t want to fall asleep without her.
He supposed he should be used to it. After all, except for the night they’d camped out, they’d never slept very long together. He realized he wanted that. He wanted to see her first thing in the morning. He wanted to shower with her, then watch her get ready for her day. He wanted to learn what she was like in all her moods—sleepy, playful, even cranky.
Despite the airline ticket in his briefcase, he didn’t want to leave her in less than seventy-two hours.
The information wasn’t a surprise, he told himself. He’d been wrestling with it for the past couple of days. The question was what was he going to do about it?
She drew her index finger down his nose and his lips to his chin. There she stroked the stubbly skin. “All kidding aside,” she said. “It’s never been like this for me, either. I didn’t know passion like this existed.”
“Come with me this summer,” he said without thinking.
Her eyes widened. “What?”
Arizona was a little stunned himself. But now that he’d asked, he didn’t want to call the words back. “I’m serious. Come with me to the island. It’s only for three months. You’ll have plenty of time to write, although they don’t have electricity, so you can’t bring your laptop. But I’ll bet you’d still get a lot done. It would be a great experience. And we’d get to be together longer.”
“I could write a book about the mating customs in a matriarchal society.”
“Exactly.”
He tried to read her expression, but he couldn’t. He didn’t know what she was thinking. Would she consider it or was this too insane?
“At the end of summer…where do you go next?” she asked.
“Siberia, I think. We’re still getting the details ironed out. I’ll probably stop in Chicago first and visit my father. But there’s always somewhere else I need to be going.”
“I’m sure.”
Chloe studied his familiar face. It would be easy to say yes. To pack up a couple of suitcases and go with him. It was just for the summer. Arizona was right—she could work, writing longhand. Maybe start a book of some kind. Even the one she suggested, on the matriarchal culture he was visiting. She could write down his stories and they could edit them together. Or…
Chloe kissed his mouth, then rested her head on the pillow. “I’m tempted,” she confessed.
“I hear a ‘but’ in your voice.”
“But—” The truth. It always came back to the truth. “That’s not my style. I would never be happy just tagging along.”
He frowned. “It wouldn’t be like that.”
Not at first, she thought. But eventually. Because she knew herself. The summer wouldn’t be enough. If he let her, she would continue to follow him around the world. She would create work so that she could be with him. But then what? She not only needed more, she deserved more. Her own life with her own purpose. In a perfect world, their two very different lives and purposes would blend together, but life was far from perfect.
They had just made love and laughed, now they were holding each other. These are the moments, she thought. This was the perfection everyone sought. This was what it was about. The only rude intrusion was the pain in her chest that warned her it was going to be impossible to forget him.
“I can’t,” she said. “I need roots. I thought I was waiting until I had the right article before I went to New York. Or maybe I thought I was waiting until Cassie got married and I knew she was going to be all right. But it’s not about any of that. Cassie’s a grown-up and she’s been capable of taking care of herself for years.”