“I see.” She nodded slightly.
“Friends with benefits if you will.” I nodded, pleased at the conversation. “Or rather, best friends with benefits.”
“You’re not going to mess around with anyone else are you?” She frowned and I felt myself starting to feel sick again. I wasn’t sure why she wanted to have this conversation right now, but I couldn’t just walk away and ignore her.
“I’m not going to hook up with anyone else.”
“Good.” She smiled. “It makes me feel better knowing you haven’t been with anyone in a while as well. I know that sounds cheesy, but it helps that I don’t feel like sloppy seconds.”
“You could never be sloppy seconds.” I ran my finger down her cheek and sighed inwardly. I felt like I should tell her about Penelope, but I wasn’t sure how she would react. It was before we had hooked up, but not very much before. And Penelope was her friend. I didn’t feel like she would appreciate the fact that we’d nearly had sex.
“I’m glad you’re not going all crazy and into Rhett panic mode.” She smiled and leaned forward and stroked the hair by my ears. Her eyes were warm and she looked happy and content. “I know this is new for both of us, but I really think that this could be good for both of us.”
“Let’s not talk about it anymore.” I leaned forward and kissed her again. “I’d rather be doing something else.” I reached down and cupped her breast and smiled as she squirmed against me.
“Rhett.” She groaned against my lips as I pinched her nipple.
“Yes, Clementine.” I licked her lips as my fingers moved to her other breast.
“I want to get out of this car.” She moaned as she tried to move in the seat.
“We can go back home.” I nibbled on her lower lip. “I can turn around now.”
“No.” She moaned and pulled back, her eyes filled with lust. “No, we’re going to go and see your mom.”
“Fine.” I sighed and pulled away. “Your loss.”
“Maybe later.” She bit her lower lip and looked away.
“Maybe later, what?” I froze and looked at her. I could see her face burning red and my c**k hardened as I stared at her hard nipples.
“Maybe we can move to the next level.” She turned towards me and smiled shyly.
“Next level?” My eyes narrowed as I looked at her. “Are you saying what I think you’re saying?”
“Maybe.” She smiled and nodded slightly. “But we have to go to a hotel. I don’t want to do it in your house.”
“Why not?”
“I don’t want to do it somewhere you’ve done it with someone else.”
“Oh.” I tried not to roll my eyes. “None of those girls meant anything to me.”
“I know.” She looked away from me, her face growing red. “I just don’t want to be another notch.”
“You could never be another notch.” I frowned and shifted. My entire body was buzzing with anticipation. I wasn’t sure this was a good idea, but I knew I couldn’t say no to her.
“I’m glad to hear that.” She said softly and reached over and ran her fingers down the bulge in my pants. “It feels like you’re excited as well.” She giggled as I grabbed her hand and made her squeeze my cock.
“I’m hard as hell.” I winked at her. “And yes you did that.” I felt her squeezing me again and groaned as she moved her hand away. “Let’s get this reunion over and done with. I’m ready to go and find a Marriott.”
“You don’t even want to see your mom, do you?” She looked at me with a sad look in her eyes and I shook my head. At the end of the day, Clementine knew me better than I knew myself and I wasn’t going to lie and pretend that I thought this was going to be some life-changing moment.
“Let’s get it over with.” I started the engine again and pulled back onto the road. My thoughts drifted away from Clemmie and back to my childhood. I could remember the day that I came back from school and realized something was different. I’d been young enough to not really understand what was going on right away, but old enough to feel the full extent of loss and loneliness. My father hadn’t been of any help. All he’d said was that my mother had left us for alcohol. It didn’t seem to affect him at all. Every night I’d waited for my mom to come home or to call me, but she didn’t. I hadn’t understood what had happened until I hit my teen years. And then my heart was already pretty empty and jaded. Love didn’t exist to me, asides from Clementine and her family. They’d taken me in, when no-one else had cared. They were like angels in my life and if it wasn’t for them, I’m not sure what road I would have gone down. Clementine was the balance in my life. She was so loving, so caring, so open, so honest and genuine about everything. She’d been quiet when I needed silence, talked when I needed noise and filled the empty space in my life that had taken over. I didn’t want to see my mom. I didn’t want to acknowledge that there was still an empty space there. I didn’t want to understand or forgive. I just wanted to forget.
“It’ll be okay, Rhett.”
“We’ll see.” I sighed.
“I’ll be with you.” She touched my arm. “I promise, it’ll be okay.”
I didn’t cringe at her touch this time. I welcomed the fact that she was here. As my friend. I didn’t want to think about all the other stuff. It was almost too much. Too close to home. Too scary. I didn’t want to acknowledge how being with Clementine intimately had made me feel. It had shown me a side I hadn’t thought existed. A side that let pain in, that let fear in. I didn’t want to let those emotions in. I didn’t want to love her as anything more than a friend. Everything in my life was changing too fast. I was on the roundabout of life and I just wanted it to stop. I wanted to reverse time and go back to six months ago. I wanted to go back to the time when Clementine was busy studying. I was busy working and we both made time to hang out and just be. “But then you never would have tasted her.” A little voice whispered in my ear. It was true that while a part of me was scared of all the changes in my life, another part of me craved the change. Another part of me was ready to see what else life had to offer.
***
We pulled up to a small-dilapidated house and I turned to Clementine with a frown.
“You sure this is the right address?”
“I’m sure.” She nodded.
“Hmm.” I sat in the car for a few more seconds and then got out of the door slowly and looked around. The roof was missing shingles and looked like it was in serious need of being replaced. The front of the house had peeling white paint and the yard as overgrown. This wasn’t where I expected my mother to be living. I wasn’t sure why she would have left my father and his mansion in Charleston to come and live in a dump in Beaufort, alcohol or not. My father had led me to believe that she’d cared more about alcohol and his spousal payments than me. My dad was rich, really rich and I couldn’t imagine that she could have spent all the money he gave her on alcohol? It didn’t make sense.
“Are you ready?” Clementine walked up to me and gave me a hopeful smile. “It’s going to be fine.”
“We’ll see.” I sighed, all of a sudden feeling apprehensive. “I don’t know about this Clemmie.” I was about to walk back to the truck, when we heard the front door open and a big black Labrador came running out and over to us.
“Jimbo.” A voice called out and I froze. I recognized her voice right away. It hadn’t changed one iota. It was my mom.
“Hey boy.” I stroked the dog’s face as he licked my hand eagerly. I didn’t want to look up and see my mother. I didn’t want to acknowledge that she was here.
“Clementine?” My mom spoke again. “Rhett, Rhett honey, is that you?” Her voice rose as she came closer and I kept my face down.
“Hi, Mrs. Madison.” Clementine’s voice was sweet and I wanted to tell her to stop being so nice.
“Rhett.” My mom spoke again and finally I looked up. I turned to my mother and I felt the whole world go still around me. Everything seemed to freeze as I stared at her. I felt as if I had been transported to another planet and the only two people that existed were me and her. She still looked the same. Her face beautiful, and her eyes bright and blue. She had a small smile on her face and I stared at her wondering how she could smile at me as if everything were okay. As if, she hadn’t been out of my life for more years than she had been in it.
“Rhett,” She said again and her eyes widened in joy, the smile on her face more beautiful than a few minutes ago. “You’re so handsome.”
Still I stayed silent. The colors in the world still more vivid than before. The sounds still more distant. I couldn’t stop myself from looking at her. She walked towards me and my heart stopped as she reached up and ran her hand down my face. “My beautiful son.”
I wanted to ask her how she knew it was me. I wanted to ask her why she left me. I wanted to ask her if she loved me, but I couldn’t speak. Seeing her close up also showed me more of her imperfections. Her eyes weren’t as blue, they were bloodshot and fuzzy. Her face was marred by lines. I wasn’t sure if they were caused by stress or hard living. Her lips were cracked and shivering. Her hair, once so blonde and beautiful was graying and thinning. My beautiful mother was no longer as beautiful as she had been, yet, she seemed more real.
“I’ve been hoping for this day.” She said, her eyes searching mine for a response.
“Really?” My words sounded bitter and full of disbelief.
“You sound like a man.” She smiled again, this time her confidence was noticeably wavering.
“As opposed to the little boy you left behind?” I stared back at her with a straight face.
“It wasn’t easy.” I looked down and noticed her hands were trembling.
“Sure.” I looked away then, somehow able to break her gaze. My eyes caught those of Clementine’s. She was staring at me with an expression full of love and hope. She wanted this to go well. She wanted me to get my happy ever after with my mother. I could read it in her eyes. I could hear it in her brain. It was all she’d ever wanted for me. I wanted to walk away and never look back again, but I knew that Clementine wanted me to give my mother a chance. “So where have you been?” I turned back to my mother and asked her a question. Even though I was no longer looking at Clemmie, I knew that she was smiling, happy I was making an effort.
“I kinda lost it when your dad cheated.” My mom’s face looked like a little kid. “I went to a house…” Her voice trailed off.
“To drink?”
“Among other things.” She nodded, her eyes wide. “But I got sober.”
“You’re sober?”
“I went to AA. And a man friend of mine, he paid for rehab.” She touched her lips and then licked them furtively. “He wanted me clean.”
“A boyfriend?”
“No, he wasn’t a boyfriend.” She shook her head and her eyes widened again. “So I went to rehab. They got me off the coke.” She nodded and smiled at me again, as if waiting for praise.
“That’s good.” I bit my lower lip and tried to remain calm, but I was starting to feel sick inside.
“I haven’t taken any drugs in a long time.”
“That’s really good, Mrs. Madison.” Clementine walked over to us and gave me a smile. “That shows you’ve really been trying.”
“I wanted to see you.” My mom looked at me and I could see a glimmer of some unknown emotion in her expression. “You were always my little boy. You loved me so much.”
“Most sons love their moms.”
“My blue eyed boy.” She gazed at me and patted my hair. “I thought once I had my blue eyed boy, my life would be perfect.” She paused and sighed. “It didn’t stop your dad from straying though.”
“You should have left him.”
“I just wanted him to love me.” She looked at Clementine then. “You know how it is. You just want them to love you. To see how perfect you are. To know that there is no one for them but you. But they just don’t see it. They’ll never see it. Don’t waste your time like I did. Don’t be a fool.”
“What are you talking about?” My voice was high and angry as I spoke to my mom. “Don’t try and project your life onto Clementine’s. Clementine is not a drunk.”
“It’s okay, Rhett.” Clementine touched my arm and shook her head.
“It’s not okay.” I said angrily, a volcano bubbling in my stomach as I looked back at my mom.
“You’re mad at me.” My mom’s eyes narrowed and I saw her lips trembling. “Don’t be mad at me, Rhett. I didn’t mean to…” She paused and took a big gulp. “I always loved my blue eyed boy.”
“Really? From what I can see you only loved dad.”
“Does he ever talk about me?” She asked hopefully.
“No.” I said it emphatically. “No.” I said it again, wanting the rejection to sting her as her leaving me had stung me.
“At least I have you.” She reached out and touched my arm. “You came to see your old momma.”
“What happened to you?” This time my words were as sincere as the pain in my heart.
“Do you really want to know?” Her eyes focused then and she looked lucid. “It’s not a nice story.”