“I wasn’t just humoring you. I enjoyed it as well,” I said softly, and her breath caught. She looked up at me again and her brown eyes seemed to glow as we sought answers to unspoken questions. “I enjoyed it very much.”
“You’re just saying that.” She looked down, and I stared at her for a few moments before answering.
If she only knew just how much I’d enjoyed it, she’d think I was some sort of pervert. I’d thought about that night many times and I’d had dreams that that kiss had led to so much more.
“When have I ever just said something?”
“All the time.” She rolled her eyes. “Like when you didn’t call me an annoying brat when we were growing up.”
“You weren’t an annoying brat.” I laughed.
She looked up at me with laughing eyes. “Yes, I was. I cried all the time.”
“Then make it up to me.” I suddenly leaned forward. “Let’s go swimming.”
“I can’t.” She shook her head slowly. “I don’t have my bathing suit.”
“So?” I grinned, ignoring the warning bells that were going off in my head. “Neither do I.”
“But you’re a boy.”
“I’m glad you noticed.” I flexed my biceps and she grinned.
“You’re silly.”
“What’s new?”
“You shouldn’t have kissed me.” She blushed as she looked at me.
“What?” I licked my lips slowly.
“You shouldn’t have kissed me,” she repeated. “You have a girlfriend.”
“It was just an innocent peck,” I lied.
“I know that, but if anyone had seen, they would have thought something different.”
“Who?”
“Who what?”
“Who would have seen and thought something different?”
“You’re trying to be difficult, aren’t you?” She jumped up. “Let’s go.”
“Yes, Ms. Bossy Pants.”
“Whatever.” She flung her hair and walked towards the door.
I watched her walk for a few seconds before I put some bills on the table and followed her. I knew she was right of course. It had been wrong of me to kiss her and hope for something more while I was dating Clara. I sighed as I thought of Clara.
I wasn’t really sure how a relationship had occurred. It had just seemed to have happened. After the party, we’d kind of just kept hanging out on the weekends, and then one night, she got so drunk she couldn’t go home, so she stayed over. The next thing I knew, we were ha**g s*x and she was introducing me to her friends as her boyfriend.
It wasn’t that I had tried to stop any of it. I hadn’t. Not really. I felt that dating Clara made me a normal guy and not some pervert who was lusting over his little sister’s best friend. I mean, I used to tease Riley, pull her hair. She’d cried to me over the smallest, stupidest things. I’d seen her through pimples, braces, and awkward hairstyles, yet I couldn’t stop thinking about how beautiful she was when she smiled.
A part of me regretted coming to the house this summer. I had a bad feeling that someone was going to be heartbroken by the end of the summer. Maybe Riley was right. Maybe we should just go back home and I’d avoid her as much as possible.
“Hudson.” Riley came running back into the restaurant with eager eyes. “Hurry.” She grabbed my hands and pulled me out of the restaurant with her.
“What’s so urgent?”
“I’ve decided I want to go swimming.” She laughed. “Now take me before I change my mind.”
I stared at her in surprise, my heart suddenly racing. “Are you sure?”
“Yeah, let’s do it.” She stood by the car door, waiting for me to open it, and I felt my heart leaping.
“Shit, I’m going to hell,” I muttered to myself as I opened the car.
“Sorry, what did you say?” she asked me with eager eyes, and I shook my head, smiling back at her.
“Nothing.” I took a deep breath. “Nothing at all.”
We drove for about ten minutes until I pulled off to the side of the road and stopped the car.
“This part of the beach is pretty desolate. I don’t think many people come here, so we’ll have some privacy.”
“Sounds good.” She eagerly jumped out of the car and ran to the sand.
I followed her eagerly, wondering what sort of trouble I was getting myself into. Riley kept running, and I frowned as I saw her jumping into the ocean.
“What are you doing?” I asked, confused as I watched her jumping waves.
“I’m about to swim. Why?” she shouted back at me, looking very youthful as she squealed.
“Uhm, you have clothes on.” I pulled my shirt and pants off and ran into the ocean after her.
“You thought I was going to take my clothes off?” She looked so shocked that I laughed.
“I thought we were going to skinny dip.”
“Oh.” Her eyes widened, and I saw them survey my na**d chest.
“Yeah. Oh.” I shook my head and grabbed her around the waist. “Don’t mind me. I’m an idiot.”
“Put me down, Hudson!” she screamed as I swung her around in my arms.
“Sorry, what?” I grinned down at her as she clung to me.
“Put me down!” she screamed again, and I dropped her in the ocean. “Hudson Blake! Argh!” She splashed around in the water and I laughed. “I’m going to get you.” She stood up and started splashing me.
I tried not to stare at her br**sts since her ni**les were clearly visible through the thin, wet material. I turned away to stop myself from reaching out and touching her. I wanted to groan at the sudden tightness in my pants.
Riley jumped on my back and attempted to push me into the water. I stood there for a second, enjoying the feel of her against me, and then fell into the water with her still on my back. We splashed around for a few seconds, laughing and coughing up the salty ocean water. I jumped up and pulled Riley up with me. I held her in my arms for a second before letting go and taking a step back.
“This was fun.” She grinned through chattering teeth. “Though it’s a bit cold.”
“It would have been warmer if you were na**d,” I joked, and she poked me in the chest.
“Sure it would have.”
“I’m just saying.”
“Do you and Clara go skinny dipping a lot then?” She looked up at me, and I couldn’t tell if she genuinely wanted to know or if she was just trying to bring Clara’s name up to remind me that I had a girlfriend.
I shook my head. “No.”
“I wonder if she’s up and making cocktails already.” Riley giggled, but I frowned at her words.
I was worried about Clara’s alcohol intake. It seemed that she was always getting drunk these days. I thought back to the day we’d first met and how I’d thought she didn’t drink, but Clara had a problem with alcohol. I just didn’t know how to confront her about it.
“Let’s hope not.” I dove into the water and swam out into the ocean.
I loved swimming in the ocean’s never-ending pool of water. It was so different than swimming in a regular pool. The expanse of water was so large in the ocean that I felt like I could drift off and just keep going. In a pool, you always had to stop and turn around. There was something so jarring about swimming in a pool that wasn’t there in the openness of the ocean. I could float away in the ocean and forget all of my worries.
I finally stopped swimming out and started swimming back to shore. I could see Riley standing there watching me with big open eyes. I wanted to know what she was thinking, what she thought of me. Did she think I was a creep because I was flirting with her while I had a girlfriend? Did she hate my kisses? Did she know that she was as special to me as she was?
I swallowed a mouthful of salt water by mistake and starting coughing as I swam back. It was taking longer for me to swim back to the shore because the current was strong and kept pushing me farther back. I knew better than to panic, continuing with my front crawl, and kept trying to swim back to shore.
“Hudson!” Riley called out. “Come back in now please. You’re scaring me.”
I could hear the panic in her voice as she waved me in. I wanted to shout back that I was coming, but I knew I needed to keep my mouth shut in these murky waters. I didn’t want to swallow any more salt water, and I didn’t want to expend my energy trying to communicate with her. I increased the pace of my arms and tried to double up my strokes as I attempted to swim back to Riley.
I saw her start swimming towards me and I panicked. I didn’t know if Riley would be able to make it back to shore with these riptides if she made it all the way to me. I took a deep breath and started swimming furiously. The only thing on my mind was making sure that Riley didn’t make it all the way out to me.
I could see Riley’s arms flailing as she got close to me, and my heart stopped for a brief second before adrenaline kicked in. I swam towards her and grabbed her around the waist before setting her on her back and swimming back with her to the sand. This time, there was no current too treacherous for me to defeat. There was no way I was going to let anything happen to Riley. I made it back to shore in record time, and I carried a coughing Riley out of the ocean.
“You okay?” I looked down at her face as she coughed up salt water and tried to calm my nerves.
“I’m fine,” she sputtered. “I was worried about you.”
“I’m fine as well.” I glared down at her. “That was a stupid move to make, coming out into the water to save me. How did you think that was going to happen?”
“I didn’t think.” She glared back at me. “I just acted. I just wanted to help.”
“You nearly drowned.”
“Only because I had my clothes weighing me down and the current out there is crazy,” she muttered back to me.
“Don’t ever do that again, Riley.”
“I didn’t want to see you die, Hudson.” Her eyes filled up with tears. “I had to do something.”
“Shh.” I crouched down and pulled her into my arms. “It’s okay now. We’re both fine.”
“I know.” She nodded and looked into my eyes.
We were both still for a moment before our lips met, slowly and unsteadily at first, as if neither of us knew what the other one wanted. Then the kiss deepened and we fell back into the sand, our tongues exploring each other while we held hands. The kiss only lasted for a few minutes before we both just lay back and stared at the sky in silence. My heart was beating fast as we lay there, exhausted, but happy, both of us wishing that we were somewhere else. That it was just the two of us.
My ringing phone upset the mood, and I groaned when I saw Clara’s name on the screen. I was going to ignore it when I saw Riley look at the screen and jump up.
“I guess we should go.” She looked into the ocean and avoided my eyes.
“Yeah.” I nodded and got up.
We walked back to my car in silence, neither of us mentioning the moment we’d just had. Neither of us bringing up the fact that there was something developing between us. I guess we both realized that, with Clara in the picture, nothing could happen. Or at least nothing should happen. What sort of people would we be if we went ahead while I was still in a relationship?
***
Everything in the gym seemed to go still as I stared at Riley. All the old feelings hit me once again—feelings that had never really left me. I watched as she raised her hand and waved at me with an awkward smile. I stared at her for a moment, not knowing what to do.
I felt guilty that a part of me was so excited to see her. I wanted to run over to her, pick her up, and give her a big kiss. I wanted to hold her close to me. I wanted to feel her warm body against mine once again. I wanted to be able to love her freely. But then I thought of Clara, and the color that had seeped into my world for a brief moment faded to black once again. I turned away abruptly without even acknowledging her and walked to the locker room with my heart beating fast.
Why was she here? I was annoyed. I hadn’t expected to see her. I didn’t want to see her. Riley could make what was very simple become complicated again. I closed my eyes and then went to splash my face with cold water. I felt bad for ignoring her, but I knew that was the only way. I had to be indifferent to her. After everything that had happened, I couldn’t allow myself to seek joy in her presence. I was a sinner and I had to pay for what I had done.
Chapter 8
Riley
Present Day
I hurried out of the gym with tears in my eyes. I should have known that Hudson was Batman. He’d always been Batman. I didn’t understand why he had snubbed me. Well, I guess that was a lie. I did understand why. I just hadn’t expected it.
I felt like I couldn’t breathe as I walked to my car. Seeing him had affected me deeply. I felt winded. When I’d waved at him, his eyes had lit up for one brief second. For a split second, I’d thought everything was going to be okay. He had forgiven me. He had forgiven himself. We were all right. But then the light had faded, his eyes had darkened, and he’d walked away without even acknowledging my existence.
I knew he blamed himself for what had happened. I knew that the guilt must be ravaging him inside. I knew that because the guilt was still ravaging me. Every single day. I felt like I was the scarlet woman. The whore of Babylon. I knew why he hated me, because I hated myself. But I still held hope.
My breath had still caught when I saw him. My heart had still jumped when my eyes took him in. Oh, how I’d longed for the day when I would see him again. My tall, wonderful Hudson. He’d looked sweaty and more fit than I remembered him being. It had been four years since I’d seen him. Four long years. And nobody even realized it aside from me. I knew that Eden didn’t think anything of it. But of course, she didn’t know. She couldn’t know.