“Whoa. Not what I meant.”
“Explain it, then.”
“It’ll make a big, macho guy like you blush, especially coming from a gay dude.”
Deacon snorted. “Unlikely.”
“Brother, you ooze sex. From your muscle-bound body, to the raspy southern drawl, to the tats, to your shaved head. The way you looked at Molly earlier . . . Fuck, man. That’s what she’s always wanted. I hated I couldn’t be the one to give it to her.” He paused. “See. Molly and I were each other’s firsts.”
Deacon’s head whipped around. “Are you trying to get me to beat the fuck out of you by telling me shit like that?”
“Hell no. You need to understand the context because it’ll help you understand her. So few have. We were both virgins our senior year. She wanted to know what the fuss was about. I wanted to know if having sex with a girl would make me think less about having sex with guys.”
“You were a fucking dog,” Deacon scoffed. “You just wanted to nail her.”
“No. We both wanted to be with someone we trusted. We did the deed. What stuck in my mind afterward was hearing Molly question whether passion was real.”
That broke his fucking heart.
“Like I said, I couldn’t give her that. I blamed her unrealistic expectations on the romance novels she devoured. She argued that Pride and Prejudice, and Outlander, and The Thorn Birds gave her hope for an epic love story of her own someday.”
As much as Deacon wanted to be the guy who could give that to her . . . what if he couldn’t?
Footfalls falling fast on gravel echoed to them.
Tim stood and stepped over the wall. “You don’t need to run interference, Molly. We’re fine.”
Deacon rolled to his feet. “You get some rest?”
“Barely.” Molly stepped into Tim’s arms and hugged him. “I wish we could’ve spent more time together.”
Even when Deacon knew there wasn’t anything but history and friendship between them, he couldn’t watch their casual affection. He stepped over the wall and headed back to the room.
As soon as Molly returned, Deacon pressed her against the door, pinning her arms above her head.
“Again?” she murmured.
“Can’t get enough of you, babe.” He lowered his mouth, teasing her lips with little bites and nibbles. Slowly sweeping his tongue across the fleshy inside of her bottom lip.
She heaved an impatient sigh, which he swallowed in a deep, wet kiss. He wouldn’t speed up even when she made a soft whimper.
When he’d had a thorough taste of her, he sighed. “We have to go back tomorrow.”
“I know.”
“Things have changed between us.”
“I know that too.” She wiggled, forcing him to release her arms. “What’s going on?”
“I need to know that you can handle it,” he said softly.
“Handle what?”
“Me being completely obsessive when it comes to you.” Since he’d never felt this way, he knew he was about to tell it to her all wrong, but he couldn’t keep his mouth shut and just let it ride. “Maddox told me I have two speeds. Full throttle and dead stop. Which do you think applies to you now that we’re fucking?”
“Hearing the word obsessive is an automatic freak-out for me.”
Deacon wasn’t sure if anger or fear flared in her eyes.
“By obsessive do you mean you’ll need to know where I am at all times?” she continued. “You’ll get irrationally pissed off if I don’t answer my cell phone within a few minutes of you calling? You’ll expect me to spend every second of my free time with you? You won’t let me make a decision about anything without your input? Will you dictate my clothing styles? If we’re out at a bar, you’ll blame me if guys hit on me? You’ll keep me away from my friends?”
“Not that kind of obsessive, Molly.” He stepped away from her, hating how bad he sucked at this stuff. “Fuck. Never mind.” Then he turned around.
Wrapping her arms around his waist, she pulled him to a stop. Then she ducked under his arms and got right in his face. “Remember when you told me I had to stay and fight with you? I’m telling you, mister”—she drilled her index finger into his chest—“the same rule applies. You’ve pushed me not to hide my body from you. You don’t get to hide your emotions.”
“This isn’t about my fucking emotions.” He crowded her until her back hit the wall again. Then he flattened his palm at the hollow of her throat and curled his hand around her neck, not surprised to feel how fast her pulse leapt. “This is about the beast you bring out in me.”