“Stop. Your declarations are just making this harder. This will never work.”
“Why not?”
“Because we don’t want the same things.”
“You don’t want a man who loves you more than he ever thought he was capable? You don’t want to make a home with me and maybe a couple of children?”
She wiped her eyes, but the tears kept coming. “Don’t be stupid. Of course I want that. The problem is I can’t have that with you.”
“Why not?”
“Because I love my job and that job is in Denver. I’m finally in a good place where I can have a home of my own—something I’ve never had. I lived the nomadic lifestyle my entire life, Devin. First growing up and then in the military. I’m thirty-five years old, and for the first time I’m putting down roots.
“Can you really see me in your life, Devin? At some fancy record label party? I’ll never be the polished type of woman you need on your arm. And can you imagine the looks of horror if you told them I ran your tour security? It brings us right back to the issue you’ve had since day one on this tour.”
“Don’t go there,” he warned.
“I have to! You don’t want anyone thinking that you’ve got a woman protecting you. I won’t let you be the butt of jokes in an industry where you work so f**king hard to earn respect. I’ve worked hard to earn respect too, and I’m not walking away from something that is more than just a job; it’s my career.”
There was only about ten feet between them in the room, but it might as well have been ten miles.
A lifetime of silence hung between them.
“You never saw this ending any other way, did you?” he said softly.
She shook her head. “And I fell in love with you anyway.”
“That is exactly why we can make this work. We have to at least try.”
“Fine. Let’s compare schedules. I’m training in the field for a month after I return to Denver. It’s not a Monday to Friday, with weekends off kind of job. It’s whenever and wherever Garrett needs me to train. So I have no idea when I’ll be around. You plan to sit in my apartment and wait for me to get home?”
He scowled.
“Oh, does that conflict with your schedule?”
“Yes. You know damn well I’ve booked studio time and I’m playing at the Ryman.”
“So you couldn’t kill time waiting in Denver anyway. We’re back where we started. Living our lives, but not together.”
Devin shook his head. “I can’t accept that. Maybe next month won’t work as far as seein’ each other, but the month after that might. And the month after that. We can take it month by month. Who knows what’ll happen next year? My career might tank and no one will schedule me to play anywhere. And you could get—”
She held up her hand. “Please don’t say I could get injured in the line of duty.”
“But it happened to you twice, and it can happen again.” He shoved his hand through his hair. “I lived my worst nightmare when JT had a gun pointed at you.”
Here was the moment of truth. “Do you wish that I didn’t have such a dangerous job?”
“Honestly? Yes.”
“Then we’re even,” she said softly. “Because I see those hordes of women clamoring for you, and I wish you wouldn’t step foot on that stage. But that’s who you are, Devin. That’s a big part of the man I fell in love with. I’d never ask you to change who you are to be with me.”
He stared at her for so long she wondered what the hell was going through his head. “And I’d rather have a few sleepless nights worrying about you than demand you change what I love and respect most about you.”
When Devin wrapped himself around her, she knew he finally understood. They clung to each other, neither one willing to be the first to break away.
“I love you,” he whispered. “That ain’t ever gonna change.”
“I know. I love you too.”
Then, in almost perfect synchronicity, they both stepped back.
“Will you be at the show tonight?”
“Wouldn’t miss it for the world. Since it’s the first time I’ll see it as a fan and not your bodyguard.”
“It’s the same show. I’ll see you at the after-party?”
“All the bigwig sponsors will be there. Your time will be at a premium.”
“That’s not an answer.”
Liberty was hedging because she’d already booked her ticket on the red-eye flight from LAX to Denver. She’d stay for the performance, but not the after-party. It’d be easier if she didn’t tell him. If she just . . . wasn’t there. “Are you doing any new material tonight?”
“Haven’t decided. Crash is bugging me to do a couple of cover tunes to make the set just a little longer, so we’ll see.” He reached for her hand. “I’ve gotta get to rehearsal.”
“Go.”
Devin kissed her. It was a sweet melding of mouths that left her feeling breathless and even more brokenhearted.
“See you in a few hours.”
But as soon as he was out of the bus, she packed up.
The band and the crowd were rowdy. More wound up than any other night she’d seen them play. She chalked it up to it being the end of the tour.
After playing all his big songs and a new one that he and Odette had written, the house lights went down.