The way he phrased it didn’t make her sound noble, but like a chump. A doormat.
“So you’ve taken this whole weight on yourself for the past few months.”
She nodded.
Carson started to pace. “In the fall I knew you were busy clearing out the gardens and canning, and I had to deal with sortin’ and shippin’ cattle. But after the first snowfall you kept goin’ over to your mom’s and I thought…”
“What?”
“That you regretted marryin’ me so quickly. So I took to feelin’ sorry for myself. Thinkin’ booze would numb the pain. And if that didn’t work, I used my fists.”
“Carson. You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me. What I meant when I said I couldn’t do this? I’m scared I’m losing you. You deserve so much more than the little you’ve been getting from me. Things are slipping out of my control and everything is falling apart and it’s too late…”
That’s when she started to cry. For the secrets, for the misunderstandings, for the lies they told themselves and each other. For the realization she’d fallen into the pattern of her parents’ marriage: no communication, keeping her mouth shut and not causing any strife. Turning away from her husband instead of relying on him. Half-wondering if her father had manipulated her, knowing that keeping such a big secret would cause problems with her new husband.
“Please let me be what holds you together.” Carson crushed her against him. “It’s not too late—never too late for us. We’ll get through this together, like we should’ve from the start.”
“I love you,” she whispered against his throat. “So much.”
“I love you too, sugar.”
“Promise that we’ll never let things get this far out of hand again.”
“That’s a promise I can make.” He rested his forehead to hers. “With all this family stuff between us, you caretaking your mom and me workin’ with my dad and brothers day in and day out…we have to learn to put us first. I’ll do that from here on out. Like your father should be doin’ with your mother. So I hope you understand that I can’t forgive your family for this, Caro. Don’t even ask me to try.”
“Carson. They don’t know what’s going on with Mom.”
“The hell they don’t. Don’t tell me Eli hasn’t blabbed to Harland and Darren about their mother’s condition. Don’t tell me they haven’t been sitting back like they always have and letting you carry the load.”
“What do you want me to do? She’s dying. This isn’t a time for me to be petty.”
“No, it’s not, but it’s time for your father to face up to the reality of his wife’s situation. You are not a nurse. What if something happens when you’re with her and you don’t know how to handle it?”
Last week her mom had had a coughing fit that left her too weak to speak. She worried even if she called for an ambulance that it wouldn’t have gotten there in time.
“I won’t have you livin’ with that guilt for the rest of your life—of our life.”
More tears fell because she knew Carson was right.
“Clara needs to be in a place with qualified professionals.” Carson framed her face in his hands. “The woman sent you away when you were a kid so you didn’t end up doin’ this for her. I can’t imagine she wants this for you now.”
“She sleeps a lot. Sometimes I don’t know if she’s aware I’m even there.”
“Then it’s definitely past time.”
She touched the puffy skin beneath his eye. And the knuckle-shaped bruises on his jawline. His mouth had escaped punishment this time and she stood on tiptoe to kiss him. “Thank you.”
“We’ll get through this.”
“I believe that now.”
“Sweet Jesus, woman, I’ve missed you. Missed everything about you. About us.”
“Show me.”
Then Carson led her to their bedroom.
Their reunion, emotional and physical, was beauty and passion and sweetness. It was love. It was a promise.
It was perfect.
And in the months that followed their reaffirmation of prioritizing their life together, and three months shy of their second anniversary, they created a new life.
Before Carolyn saw the image of her holding sweet baby Cord, everything went black and she was sucked back into darkness.
Chapter Nineteen
Hospital, Day 2—late afternoon
One thing about staring out the window? Carson saw some sweet moments.
Like the young man who helped his extremely pregnant wife out of the car. Then they both disappeared into the main hospital entrance. But the guy had left the car parked half on the curb, with both doors open and the engine running.
Carson remembered being that flustered when Carolyn had gone into labor with Cord. Both the terror and the thrill of it as she’d struggled for nineteen hours to bring him into the world. And the instant Carson had held that helpless baby—his son—in his hands, his whole world had changed.
He’d celebrated Cord’s birth with his Dad, with his brothers, with anyone, really, who offered to buy him a celebratory drink.
It’d shocked the hell out of him when Eli West showed up at the hospital to meet his grandson.
Too bad Eli and Jed crossed paths in the waiting room afterward. Rather than taking the opportunity to bury the hatchet, the men had argued so loudly security tossed them out.