His brows knitted. “Don’t worry about me.”
“I do.”
“There’s no need.”
I sighed. “Roth.”
“I’m fine,” he said finally. “It doesn’t even hurt.”
“Good.” I struggled to take an even breath. “Tonight... I don’t even know what to think. I can’t believe Abbot is gone.”
He took a deep breath. “You know how I feel about that man, what he aided in doing to you, but I know he raised you.” He slid his hand around mine and squeezed. “I know what happened isn’t easy for you to accept.”
Closing my eyes, I leaned back. “He died protecting me. I can’t... God, I don’t even know what to say. I was so angry with him before this, but in the end, he came through. I...” I stopped, opening my eyes. They felt wet, and when I spoke, my voice was hoarse. “I still loved him, you know?”
Roth brought my hand to his mouth and pressed a kiss atop it. “It’s obvious that he still loved you as well.”
“Yeah.” I blinked my tears away and drew in a shaky breath.
There was a pause. “Do you want to go check in on Zayne?”
I turned my head toward him, not as surprised by the thoughtfulness as I once might have been. “Yes, but I think... I think he probably needs a little bit of time.”
“Probably,” he murmured, reaching over and tucking a strand of my hair back behind my ear.
Forcing my thoughts to the newest problem we’d discovered, I pulled our joined hands into my lap. “The Lilin...it told me that we were in this together. You heard it say that. I guess we didn’t realize how literally we should take his words.”
Roth made a low, angry sound in the back of his throat. “I didn’t see this coming.”
“Me, neither,” I replied drily. “But it makes sense. Part of me created it. As did a part of Lilith. Grim told me that we were joined, the three of us, but he failed to really go into detail about what that meant.”
“Of course he did.”
“That would’ve been good to know,” I went on tiredly. “I mean, that’s a pretty big detail. If we kill the Lilin, then it kills me. And I’m assuming that works both ways.”
Roth’s gaze turned intent. “There has to be another way. If there’s not, we’ll just find a way to keep it...out of trouble.”
I arched a brow at that, because for one thing, I didn’t think there was anything we could do to keep the Lilin out of trouble short of killing it. But even if we did manage to contain it while letting it live, where did that leave Sam? His soul would be lost, plus all the souls of the congregation the Lilin had taken out. Granted, those people were fanatics, but that didn’t mean they deserved that kind of fate.
Roth’s eyes shifted to the doorway, and I followed his gaze, my breath catching when I saw that it was Zayne. I opened my mouth but he spoke first. “Can I come in?”
“Of course.” I pulled up my legs to give him room, but he lingered by the door, just inside the room. My heart ached for him, for everything. “Are you...?”
“I don’t... I don’t even know what to think.” He shoved his hands into the pockets of his pants. “But that’s not why I’m here. I wanted to apologize.”
My mouth dropped open.
“I didn’t know that when I stabbed the Lilin it was going to hurt you.” His crystalline gaze met mine. “I would never hurt you. No matter what. I didn’t—”
“I know. I know you didn’t. I never once thought you’d do that if you’d known. We didn’t even know,” I insisted. “You don’t need to apologize. That’s the last thing you need to do right now. Seriously.”
Some of the conflict eased out of his features. Not a lot, but some. “Do we know why this happened?”
Part of me wanted to tell him he didn’t need to worry about this, but then I realized that he might be seeking to distract himself, and I didn’t want to take that from him. I told him what Roth and I had just discussed.
“There’s got to be a way to fix this,” Zayne said when I was finished. “To separate you from the Lilin.”
“But what if there is no way around it?” A tremor worked its way through me. “What if the Lilin and I are really joined, like we appear to be, and—”
“Don’t say that.” Roth’s eyes brightened fiercely. “Don’t even finish that thought.”
“He’s right,” Zayne said, rubbing his hand over his chest. “There has to be another way. We just don’t know what it is yet.”
I wanted to believe that there was something else, but if we were connected, we were connected.
“We could check with the seer,” Roth suggested.
Turning to him slowly, I stared at him. “The little kid?”
He nodded. “If anyone might know, it would be him. The key is just getting him to spill.”
“The seer?” Zayne looked confused.
“The kid who kind of communes with, well, I don’t know what he communes with, but he doesn’t work for either the heavens or Hell.” I paused, grinning slightly. “He likes to play ‘Assassin’s Creed.’”
“And he likes chicken,” Roth added.
I snorted. “We can check with him tomorrow.” A moment passed and I frowned. “He’ll probably know we’re coming.”
Roth smirked.
My gaze flipped to Zayne. Shadows had blossomed under his weary eyes, and he looked... He looked lost.
“Layla, you know you can stay here.” His shoulders tensed. “Both of you can stay here as long as you need. Okay? And if you leave—just be careful. I have... I need to go.”
Slipping off the bed, I walked over to him. Before he could leave, I wrapped my arms around him. He stiffened, and then he turned in my embrace. Reaching down, he folded his arms around me. Against my cheek, he whispered in a gruff voice, “Thank you.”
And then he let go and left the room, closing the door behind him.
I closed my eyes again, squeezing them shut. I don’t know how long I stood there, but when I turned around, I made my way to the bed. Climbing in, I returned to the position I was in before, shoulder to shoulder with Roth.
“I don’t think he knows,” I said.
“Knows what?” Roth asked quietly.
I looked at him. “I don’t think he knows how his father died. That Abbot was protecting me. He’s already so—”
“Stop.” Roth captured my chin, holding my gaze. “That guy that was just in here? I hate to say this out loud, but he’s a good guy. He doesn’t hate you. He never could. He might not like you right now, but that has nothing to do with his father. I don’t know if he knows how Abbot went down, but if or when he finds out, he’s not going to blame you. Because it wasn’t your fault. And he knows that.”
For a second I didn’t know what to say. “I hate it when you’re right.”
Roth chuckled as he wrapped his arm carefully around me and held me close to him. My cheek found its way to his shoulder. So much had happened in a span of days that my head constantly buzzed with all of it. But in this second, right now, my head was quiet.