We had been following the River Cael and were closing in on the border between Daeronia and Alvernia. My stomach had now formed into a constant knot of anxiety, the need to get to the Pool of Phaedra an obsession, sharp and unrelenting. I was impatient when Wolfe stopped us by the river for our midday break, and was about to voice my disgruntlement when I remembered I hadn’t spoken to him for three days. Plus, it was unseasonably hot, not even a wisp of that crisp Daeronian breeze that I had come to love. Telling Chaeron I needed a moment alone, I wandered along the river bank that flowed on the left side of the trade road, as the men gathered near the woodland on the right. They stopped, sliding down to lean against tree trunks and eat the hard biscuits that had come to form their unsatisfying daily diet. I was still in sight, but I used the horse to cover me as I took off my shoes and stockings to dangle my feet over the bank into the river. I sighed at the havenly feel of the cold water on my skin and thanked god I hadn’t had to walk too much. My stupid soft ‘lady’s’ feet would be ruined. Reluctantly, I pulled my feet out of the water and reassembled my clothing before Wolfe sent someone to collect me. However, as I walked back to the men, my eyes darting over them, there was no sign of Wolfe… or Chaeron. Puzzled, I searched them out. Where were they? Just as I was about to draw near the first group of men I caught a flash of colour from the corner of my eye a little way in among the trees. Wolfe’s green military jacket. He’d had to borrow it from one of the Guard, who now wore a plain jacket provided by the Vojvodkyna. Curious as to why Wolfe and Chaeron were huddling in the woods, I eyed the men to see if any were watching me. I was somewhat disappointed to see that none of them were.
That was brilliant guarding for you.
Rolling my eyes, I snuck away from the men and edged closer to Wolfe and Chaeron. Leaving my horse, I stopped a few trees back from them, hidden in the shade.
“I just don’t know if it’s a good idea,” Lieutenant Chaeron exhaled.
“I have to,” Wolfe insisted, his voice flat.
“I could do it.”
“No, it has to be me.” Wolfe shook his head. “If Rogan’s going up into the mountains then I’m going to be the one protecting her.”
Chaeron sighed again. “Things are difficult between you as it is.”
“I know. But I won’t let my feelings get in the way of my duty. Which is to protect her.”
“What will I tell the men?”
“Tell them I’ve taken Rogan on a tour of Alvernia, to let her see for herself what the area and the people are really like, so she can report back to the Princezna.”
“They’ll think it’s insane. They’ll wonder why you’ve gone alone. Perhaps even speculate…”
“If any one of my men utters a derogatory word against Lady Rogan I want you to deal with them.”
Chaeron sucked in his breath as if insulted. “You know I would, Captain.”
“Good. Tell them the Alvernians are paranoid, suspicious. A Royal entourage traipsing around their land would be seen as an act of aggression; tell them that Lady Rogan and I are going incognito.”
“Alright.” There was a moment of silence between them before Chaeron peered at Wolfe with genuine concern. “Wolfe,” he said softly, surprising me and Wolfe by using his given name, “You’ve never been into the mountains. A few of the men here have. They’d be better suited to escort Miss Rogan.”
Wolfe shook his head determinedly, his jaw set. “I won’t let her go into that without me…” he shoved a hand through his hair in obvious frustration, appearing vulnerable and lost. “It would drive me crazy.”
Chaeron placed a hand on Wolfe’s shoulder. “Alright.”
I backed away as stealthily as I could, the blood rushing in my ears from what I had overheard and the blood flooding my cheeks for having been eavesdropping. I walked numbly back to the men with my horse beside me, and saw nothing and heard nothing as we mounted back up and set off. Wolfe was furious with me but he still cared. Cared enough to foolishly follow me into the heart of the Alvernian Mountains where the chances of us both coming to harm was great. No. I shook my head, ignoring Chaeron’s concerned looks. I wouldn’t go into the mountains with Wolfe. I had to keep my distance. I had to stay focused on finding the plant and I couldn’t do that if I was worrying about Wolfe.
I had to get away from him somehow.
When we reached Arrana I had to leave and set off into the mountains alone. It didn’t matter if I had an escort or not. Only I knew the way to the Pool of Phaedra and my magic would get me there without getting me lost. I just had to be careful and remember the route up so I could get back down the mountain without fault.
***
That night, we made it to Arrana. Smaller than the other cities, Arrana was also more heavily fortified, with a massive fifteen foot wall snaking around its border. Like one of the keeps used thousands of years ago when the mage first came to Phaedra, the city had a moat and drawbridge, and armoured guards. We had to wait for permission to enter, and as we crossed the sturdy bridge into the city walls, I frowned in disapproval. There were no wars in Phaedra. No need for city walls and moats and drawbridges. I understood the Vojvoda was nervous of the mountain people of Alvernia - I was nervous of them and I had to walk right into their midst - but his fortification sent the wrong message. It isolated Arrana; it made it a lone entity, and broke it from Haydyn’s Phaedra.
What must the people of Alvernia think? Or any people who crossed the border into Alvernia? It was unwelcoming and superior. Worse… it was aggressive.
This too would have to change.
***
This would never do, I thought glumly, watching Markiz Andrei follow the servant girl’s bosom with his eyes whilst his father, Vojvoda Andrei, tried to convince me that his son would be a brilliant match for Haydyn. I found it difficult swallowing my fish as I dined with them. I studied the junior Andrei as he smiled at me and I bemoaned the vapidity behind his eyes. The poor boy wasn’t lascivious or cruel. He was just… silly and… well not very intelligent. He was so wrong for my Haydyn. Haydyn needed someone as clever and as passionate as she was, someone who stood up for her and to her.
Someone like Matai.
All of a sudden I felt unbearably sad.
I let Wolfe and the Vojvoda do all the talking. I smiled enough so as not to seem unpleasant and bored, but I was sure the Vojvoda was puzzled as to why Haydyn would send an advisor on her behalf who had barely opened her mouth once to speak. But I felt buried by the troubles of Phaedra. Buried and useless. I needed Haydyn to wake up. I had needed her to wake up before she fell ill. I only hoped that she would, once I provided the cure and told her all I’d learned. To begin with, marrying Andrei would be a terrible mistake.
So lost in my problems, I barely noticed that Wolfe had managed to finagle it so he was the one to walk me to my room. As we drew closer and his arm brushed mine, I began to come out of my stupor, and my skin came instantly alive at being so close to him. I glanced at him quickly and looked away. We hadn’t talked or been this near to one another in some time. Not since Caera.
“In the morning you and I will leave for the mountains.” Wolfe stopped abruptly and I drew to a halt, turning to him. We looked one another in the eye for the first time in days. “We’re going to pretend we’re taking a tour of Alvernia and its people, but in reality we’re going to get that plant.”
I knew if I didn’t try to dissuade him after all we’d been through he’d be suspicious. I had to give a little argument, even though I already had my plan at the ready. “Do you really think that’s wise… considering?”
“Considering?”
“Considering you hate me.” I held my breath, waiting for him to dispute it. I knew he cared. I just needed him to admit it. Haven, I wished my heart would make up its mind!
I felt a sharp pain somewhere near the said organ when he shrugged. “It’s my duty.”
I bit back a hurt retort. “Fine. I want it noted that I dispute the idea. For future reference.”
“Noted.”
I nodded and turned to go into my room, disbelieving that that would be the last thing I said to him before heading into the wilderness where I might never return. I stilled as his hand wrapped around my upper arm. I glanced up nervously as he sidled closer, his eyes challenging me to stop him. I didn’t. I let him kiss me. I thought it would be a hard kiss meant to dominate, but instead he surprised me with a soft, seductive brushing of lips and tongue, meant to melt. Even as he kissed me, giving me what I wanted, I ached with longing.
When he pulled back Wolfe’s cheeks were flushed and he gazed at me again with that soft curl of his lip, bright gold in his blue eyes. “I want it noted that I don’t hate you. For future reference.”
Not able to stop it, I felt a small smile tilt up the corners of my mouth. “Noted. Although I must protest that you keep forcing unwanted kisses on me.”
“It’s the only way to get one. Unwanted indeed.” He raised a knowing eyebrow at me.
Arrogant knave.
I shook my head, feeling sad and happy all at the same time. “Why do you persist, Wolfe?”
His grin was slow and wicked as he stood back from me, allowing my body and mind to breathe again. “Strategy.”
“Strategy?”
He cocked his eyebrow. “At first I thought imposed isolation would make you miss me-”
“Why you arro-”
“-But then I realised that it’s being near me you can’t resist. And there are only so many kisses you’ll take before you give in to me completely, Rogan.”
Ignoring the flush of excited heat that shivered through me at his hoarse tone and serious eyes, I gripped the handle of the bedroom door behind me and guffawed. “We’ll see, Captain. We’ll see.”
I slammed the door in his face, growling at the sound of his cocky chuckle as he walked away.
For a moment all I could do was stare at myself in the mirror, touching a mouth that now tingled with the taste of Wolfe. I closed my eyes, hating that thrum in my body that never used to be there before he first kissed me.
I wasn’t even sorry for kissing him. I was thankful that our last moment together - before Wolfe truly did come to dislike me - was sweet, in that dysfunctional way of ours.
Shrugging him off as best I could (he still lingered in the air around me), I scrambled about, ringing the bell for a servant, and getting my coins at the ready. Grateful when a young girl in rough servants clothing appeared, I explained to her what I needed from her and showed her the coins. She stared at them in wonder. There was more money there than she probably earned in two years of hard work.
“Well?” I asked, my heart stuck in my throat.
For an answer she scooped the coins up and pocketed them, grinning from cheek to cheek. “I’ll help ye, my Lady,” she replied in the soft burr of the Alvernians.
Breathing a sigh of relief, I went over again what I needed, and then waited for her return. She wasn’t long in reappearing, a few bundles in her hand. In one was a pack with food supplies and a canteen of water. In the other was boy’s clothing, stolen from one of the stable boys. Hurriedly, the girl helped me into the trousers that hugged my figure in a way that would make me blush if Wolfe ever saw me in them, and I pulled on the overlarge shirt, waistcoat and warm overcoat to see me through the bitter cold nights in the mountains. The boots she brought me belonged to her, they were worn and soft, but still foreign to me, and I hoped my feet would cope in them. Lastly, I pinned my long thick locks in a bun and hid the hair under the woollen cap she had brought me. Hopefully in the dim light, if I kept my head low, I could pass for a boy. If I removed the overcoat no one would ever believe it. I just had to make sure I never removed it. Lastly, I stuffed the dagger Matai had given me into the pack.
Thanking the servant profusely, we hurried through the darkened house and out to the front gates where she had a horse all ready and waiting for me. Once mounted, I gave the house one last look. Wolfe was going to be furious. But I was counting on him not to be foolish enough to follow me into the mountains without the Guard. He knew my magic wouldn’t get me lost. But he didn’t know the way. The Guard would keep him right… and slow him down.
I sighed. I had to put all my trust in Lieutenant Chaeron. He wouldn’t let Wolfe leave without him.
Chapter Twenty Two
Fear wasn’t something new to me. I’d first encountered the feeling, with its dripping jaw of sharp teeth and painful unbreakable hold of gnarled fingers and claws, when Syracen killed my parents and I ran through the fields with my brother. For months, maybe a few years, that fear never really went away. And then it had shown up in little spurts these last few weeks, perhaps not as toothy as the first time, maybe not as adept at keeping a hold on me, but it had been there, smiling at me and laughing.
Now it was back.
I was blind, galloping out of the city walls and down into the valley beyond Arrana. It took a while for my eyes to adjust to the night, and with my heart already racing at the thought of getting caught, I wasn’t sure my poor horse would escape me being sick on it. But I held strong, my hands biting into the reins, as I widened my eyes, desperate for them to acclimate to the darkness. By the time I had put Arrana at a fifteen minute gallop behind me, I could see more than just shapes and shadows ahead of me. I drew the horse to a stop, sorry that I didn’t know his name so I could soothe him. I could feel his tense muscles beneath me as he attuned to my own tension.
The land before us dropped into a steep valley that stretched for miles, the mountains peeking up over it in the distance.