There was another reason why I needed to refuse right now too. Anything between us now would be both brief and brutal on her and I didn't want her to experience me in that way. Not her first time with me anyway. I shook my head softly, in self acknowledgment, of how much she'd already changed me inside. I was actually going to say no to myself, because I wanted something better for her.
"I'll take you up on that offer, when we're on the island. The planes not far from here and we need to get out of here before anything else happens. I'll be right back." I turned to go, but her hand on my arm stopped me. I met her gaze and was struck by the sincerity of hers.
"I want to help you John! Please let me!" She hesitated slightly, as her eyes bounced around a little, "There's something else I could do."
Without further words she sank down to her knees and her shaking fingers fumbled with my belt. This was so wrong somehow to let this good Christian girl do this, even though I had wanted this very thing of her. My hands closed over hers, but she tugged in order to be free.
She looked up at me, "Please let me do this for you John."
"Why?" I asked beyond any understanding of how she thought.
Her eyes were deep pools of mystery, as she responded, "Because I've made up my mind to love you unconditionally, in whatever way you need, despite whatever you may be or ever do."
There couldn't be anybody else like this woman in the whole world! I let go of her hands.
The sun was coming up, in a truly beautiful sunrise behind us, but I didn't give it even so much as a passing glance. I watched her instead. She was asleep in the copilot's chair. The walk had been more like six hours the previous day to the plane and it had been well after dark, when we had reached it. The plane had remained undiscovered and for that I was grateful. I hadn't waited, but had fired it up and taken off in the dark almost wiping out on some lofty treetops at the end of the runway. I'd flown westward through the night, as she'd fallen asleep beside me.
Her face twitched. She was waking up and I hurriedly glanced away, as her eyes opened to stare at me.
"Good morning." She said softly.
"Good morning." I responded truly meaning it.
She straightened up in her seat and I handed her an apple. She smiled her appreciation and bit into it greedily. It was a fantasy just to watch her eat.