Thus, he thought it was like tempting the devil itself, with dreadful consequences to boot. Dampened by his self-doubts, when he was inclined for the status quo, he realized it couldn’t be smooth sailing that way either. Well, having himself sowed the seeds of ambition in her, didn’t he make her vulnerable, after all? Were he to stay put playing safe, wouldn’t the mobility of life stir up her frustrations? Why, that would surely magnify the lacking of the creature comforts in her mindset. And wouldn’t her hurt pave the way for his ruinous end? With him in no position to fulfill her fancies, wouldn’t she turn to someone who had the means to jaunt with her in the make-believe world? Wouldn’t her infidelity drift them apart inexorably? Thus, for Gautam, the probable outcome seemed no different, either way. Why didn’t he envisage all this when he preached her the sermons of success all along?
As he felt distressed about the realities of his life, he turned to philosophy for solace. He thought it was the soulless heart and not the ambitious mind that was the bane of the world. Why, blame the achievers who suborn their personal good to further a social purpose. If not for such, would have life crossed the stone age though need might have brought man to that stage!
On the contrary, what was corruption but the manifestation of human meanness? If only the mean were made to pay the price, man would have fallen in line well before bribe became the creed. Well, the world was too meek to fight the mean to usher in equitable opportunities. But, would that be a solace for his failure? At that, he felt that the choice for him was to either fight for his place or to perish in frustration. Prepared to perish, he resolved to fight.
‘How am I to fight?’ he thought endlessly. ‘And where am I to begin?’
He realized that one could cut a diamond only with a diamond, and that implied his taking to corrupt ways. But, as his conscience questioned him, he cajoled it with the proposition of ends justifying the means. At last, he made up his mind to try to checkmate success on the chessboard of life. When Sneha went to her parents for her confinement, he planned his gambit in the corridors of power.