He stilled.
She knew she should not punish him for it – knew she had done far worse – but she could not stop herself. Feeling defensive, she said, “Tit for tat, Duncan. And a threat to reveal my secrets.” She shook her head. “I was party to the deal, no doubt. But do not for a moment think I have not learned in all my years as Chase that business is not friendship. And that trust is not a part of business.”
“This hasn’t been business for a long time,” he said.
She knew that, of course. Knew, too, that this might be the only time she was ever able to tell the truth.
And she wanted it to be him who heard it.
She leaned against the desk, placing her palms flat to the top of it. “I wanted to be something more than what they made me.” She paused, trying to find the words to explain. “Do you recall the house in Yorkshire?” He nodded. “There were so many of us there… so many of us who had run. Who had found the strength to defy expectations.” She shook her head. “I was the weakest by far, and I could afford to be. When I left – when I returned home – I saw the way the world looked at me. At us. And I hated them for it. I wanted to do something tremendously powerful… something that would hold them under my thumb, these people who talked propriety and lived sin and vice when they closed their doors.
“At first, it was for revenge. I wanted to punish anyone who crossed me. Who dared insult Caroline. I wanted to murder gossip and kill ton. A casino was the ideal place for all of that. Decadence, sin, vice – they make for excellent partners in vengeance.”
He smiled. “And then you realized you weren’t God.”
She raised her brows. “No, then I realized I did not wish to be God. I wished to be something very different. I wished to reign over them. I wished them to be in debt to me, with secrets and money and whatever else they wanted to put on the table.”
“And Chase was born.”
“My brother put up the money for the club, helped me choose my partners.” She smiled. “Bourne and Temple came first, and I’ll never forget the look in their eyes when my security guards tossed them into my carriage, and I introduced myself.” She paused. “Bourne called me any number of names before he settled down and realized that what I offered was really quite magnificent.”
“Ownership in a men’s club.”
She shook her head. “Resurrection from the gutter. He’d lost everything. Temple, too. I could give them a chance to rebuild. I did not need the money… I needed the titles. The faces. The skills they brought to the table.”
He nodded. “Where did the name Chase come from?”
She grinned. “Bourne gave it to me. I was leading London on a merry chase, he used to say. It stuck.
“We opened the casino with my brother’s help and his connections. Within months, people were clamoring for memberships. And for the first few years, I did not care what they thought of Georgiana. I barely even thought of Georgiana. I was Chase, and I was Anna, and I was free… and it was glorious.” She looked away. “Until it wasn’t.”
“Until Caroline was old enough to notice their censure.”
“Until Caroline was old enough to become the object of it.”
“And then it became about her.”
She met his gaze, saw the understanding in it. He had faced a similar battle, knowing that he must protect his sister from the world. “I didn’t steal a horse, Duncan. I stole a world.”
“And we believed you,” he said.
“It wasn’t as difficult as it would seem,” she said. “People believe what they are told, mostly. Once we decided that Chase would never be seen, it was easy to convince the world that he was more powerful than any of them. His mystery became his power. My power.”
“You’re wrong.” He was close to her, close enough to touch, but she resisted the urge as he continued, “I have known you as Georgiana and as Anna. And I have felt the full heat of your power. I have railed at it and basked in its glow. And there is nothing about that power that is Chase.” His hand came up, cupped the nape of her neck, and she caught her breath at the touch. “It is all yours.” She looked up at him as he added, “And she will know it.”
Tears came at the words, unbidden and unwelcome. How did he know that was her worry? In the dark of night? How did he know that she was terrified that Caroline would one day look at her and hate her for the choices she’d made?
She looked away, trying to hide from him.
“Don’t,” he said, forcing her to return her gaze to his. “Don’t hide from me. You pushed me away at every turn. You used Chase as a shield.”
“No —” she began, but he cut her off, anger and sorrow in his eyes.
“Yes. You were afraid of me. But why? Were you afraid of what I might do? Of what I might tell the world? Did you actually think I might betray you?”
Her brow furrowed. “I did not know… the only other man I had ever given myself to…”
He went on. “You weren’t afraid of me. And you weren’t afraid of repercussions from Chase… we know that now,” he offered the words, with dry humor. “You were afraid of what I make you feel.”
Truth.
She met his gaze. “Of course I was.” Her honesty took them both by surprise, but it was time to be honest, was it not? “I was on my own. I had to fight for myself. For Caroline.” She paused. “Am on my own. Must fight for her. I must use every weapon in my arsenal to secure her future. That meant Chase… which was easy. And you…” She hesitated. “But that is the bit that became more difficult.”