He smiled wanly at me as he began to stroke my face again. “I love you Bethany.”
I buried myself against him, clinging to him as I pressed my face into his neck and cried freely. I had never said those words to him in life, it was something that I would always regret, but I said them now, and I said them repeatedly, and fervently. I hoped that somehow he would be able to hear them, that somewhere a piece of him still existed and could feel the genuine outpouring of my love for him.
He held me tight to him, rocking me gently as he kissed my neck and cheeks. “I must go.”
“Not yet,” I breathed. “Please just one minute more.”
But it was too late; I could already feel him slipping away from me. Already feel him drifting toward a place where I would never see him again. I was acutely aware of the fact that he would not be returning. Another sob wrenched from me, I struggled to retain my hold on him, but he was already gone beyond my reach. Forever.
***
“Bethany, come on Bethany, wake up.”
I struggled to break free from the realm of sleep clinging tightly to me. I didn’t want to wake up, I knew what awaited me there, but it was impossible to fight the inevitable. I opened my eyes to find Jenna kneeling before me; her bright green eyes shimmered with worry. I turned away from the sorrowful look in her eyes, unable to stand the pity there as I angrily wiped the tears from my face. I was ashamed that she had seen me cry, ashamed that she had seen me so vulnerable and weak.
“Are you ok?” she asked softly.
I glanced quickly around but I didn’t see Bret or Lloyd. “Where are they?”
Jenna glanced over her shoulder. “They went to scout ahead.” That was a relief; at least they hadn’t seen me crying like a baby over a dream. “Bret wanted to give you a chance to sleep a little more. Bethany…”
“I’m fine.” I realized that was the first time I had said it and felt as if it might actually be true, or at least not a complete bold faced lie. Cade had been killed, I still lived, and there still was, and always would be, hope. I sat up straighter against the tree.
Jenna rested her hand on my shoulder, stopping me before I could rise. I frowned at her, unable to understand the sympathy in her eyes. Jenna had always disliked me, we had never run in the same circles, and her disdain of everything that I was had always been obvious. As had her desire for Bret. We’d started to get along a little better over the past few weeks, I would grieve for her if something were to happen, but I wouldn’t exactly consider us friends.
“Why are you being so nice to me?” I inquired wearily.
Jenna sighed as she sat slowly beside me. She dropped her chin to her knees for a brief moment before turning to me. “I was mean to you in high school,” she admitted. “I know that, but it was all so petty, and silly. And high school.” She snorted softly as she shook her head and dropped her arm over her knees. “It seems so long ago, so pointless, and stupid.”
“It does,” I agreed.
“God I was so foolish.” She sat silently for a long moment, her strawberry colored hair blowing lightly in the breeze. She tucked it loosely behind her ear. She was far more delicate than I, with pretty features, and a petite frame. She’d been perfect in high school, the golden girl with her manicured nails, styled hair, and high priced clothes. It was not the same girl sitting beside me now, though I noticed her nails were a pretty pink color. I smiled over the simple, small gesture to retain something from her old life. I knew how she felt; I was clinging to as much as I could too, but everyday it seemed as if there was less and less to hold onto. “It was so easy back then though,” she breathed.
I thought back to those days, the ones where my mom was still alive, and I was dating Bret. The aliens had loomed over us my entire junior year, but after the first few months a false sense of security had settled over us. Even while the aliens had been stripping us of our rights, and our freedoms. We had all been so foolish, so silly to even remotely think they meant well, but hindsight was twenty twenty after all. And there was no changing the past, but we could still change the future.
“I’m sorry for the way I was back then.”
My gaze slid slowly toward her, I struggled to keep my disbelief hidden. “It’s ok.”
“No, I was mean to you and I am sorry for that. It was just that…”
“You like Bret.”
Her lips quirked as she smiled softly. “Yeah, I do.”
“And you were used to getting what you wanted.”
She chuckled softly. “I certainly wasn’t used to losing a guy to someone like you. No offense.”
I grinned at her as I brushed back a lose strand of hair. “None taking, I never understood it either. We’re not together anymore, why haven’t you gone after him?”
She shrugged indifferently, but sadness crept over her. “Cause he still loves you.”
“But…”
“It’s ok. I think he’ll come around one day, or I’ll move on. If we can ever find some cute survivors somewhere,” she added nonchalantly.
“Jenna…”
“Right now we all need each other. I understand that. When all of this first happened, I didn’t get that. I kept waiting to wake up, kept waiting for the punch line, kept waiting for it all not to be real. But there is no punch line, and all we have is each other. Trying to get Bret to notice me is no longer a priority.”
I stared at her for a long moment, startled by how much she had grown up in these past few weeks. How much she had changed. But then, she had lost both of her parents in the attack. She didn’t say it, but I knew that she retained some hope they were still alive. Not that I blamed her. She hadn’t seen either of them die, didn’t even know if they had been frozen, and if Bishop’s blood type theory was correct then at least one of her parents, perhaps both, had escaped The Freezing. There was still a chance they might be alive.
“If there is one thing I’ve learned, it’s that we don’t know how much time we have left. It could end today for all we know. Getting Bret to notice you may not be a priority, but I would at least tell him how you feel. I love Bret, he’s a great friend, but he can be a bit obtuse about some things.”
“You mean like his firm belief that you will eventually get over Cade.”
I tried to cover up my involuntary flinch over Cade’s name, but I knew she had seen it. “Yes, like that.”