He wiped my tears away, bending to me as he kissed me ever so lightly upon my nose. “Yes,” he mumbled, smiling as he kissed me again.
I wanted to lose myself to him, but I knew that I couldn’t. Not right now anyway. Soon though, so very soon I could shut out the rest of the world by losing myself in him. Then a thought occurred to me. “But if you knew all this, if this was what you had always wanted, why did you avoid me so much? Why didn’t you come to me before I started dating Bret? Why did you leave me all those years ago?”
Something flickered in eyes, there was a slight recoiling that he was quick to bury, but had been unable to hide. My eyes widened, I wanted to grab at him, to pull him back to me, to make him stay when I felt his withdrawal. Then he was smiling, a small curve of his mouth that barely tipped the hard edges of it. “Because I wasn’t sure how you felt about me, not until all of this anyway.” He shrugged absently. “I didn’t approach you because I was afraid of being rejected by you. I had nothing to offer you, I was an orphan, and definitely not the golden boy Bret was. It was obvious to me that your feelings for him were more platonic than his were for you, but I wasn’t going to stop you from going down a path that I felt you needed to travel.
“I knew you’d eventually realize it was me you were supposed to be with after all.”
His tone was light, airy. He said the words, but there was something crawling through me. A dark knowledge was slithering through my mind, one that I could not shake. For the first time ever, Cade had just lied to me I was certain of it even though I had no proof. I just didn’t know why. It had been such an easy question, but one that he had not answered honestly. There was something behind his eyes, something withdrawn and secretive, even as he smiled at me.
I wanted to press him on it, wanted to understand why he would lie over something so simple, but I knew he wasn’t going to tell me the truth. Perhaps I was imagining it, but I didn’t think so. “I wish we could stay, but I have to get back. I’m sure Abby and Aiden have started to worry about me by now.”
He nodded, the distance in his gaze fading as his fingers stroked over my cheek. I buried my doubts as I leaned into his gentle touch. I didn’t want anything to spoil the joy of this moment. I couldn’t get over how wonderful it was to have him here again, how whole I felt with him here. I had never thought of myself as boy crazy or needing a man to make me happy. I had never thought that I would ever need someone else to survive. But I did need him.
I had survived without him, but I had been unable to truly live. Now I could live again, now I could feel again. And I could smile and laugh without feeling guilty or lost or adrift in a world that terrified me without him. A world that, though it still possessed love and wonder, without him had been empty and cold.
“I wish we didn’t have to go either.” He threaded his fingers through my hair, curling it gently around his fingers.
“They’ll be shocked to see you.”
God I loved his smile. It was so rare, so fleeting, and yet it lit his entire face. It sparkled in his eyes and radiated with his love for me. “No less than you were.”
He pulled me closer to him, kissing me softly. That wonderful smile, those magnificent lips. All my doubts and fears were pushed aside as they warmed me to the very depths of my soul. He pulled slowly away from me; his eyes glowed with more than just love. My toes curled in response to the ravenous gleam in his gaze. I was certain that he could devour me, that he wanted too, but it was more than just my body he wanted. A jolt of surprise tore through me as I caught sight of something within Cade that I had never seen before. Something dark and dangerous. Something that I didn’t understand, but it wanted possession of me in ways that I couldn’t even begin to fathom.
Had they done something to him in there? Had they changed him somehow? Was that why he had lied to me?
The thought terrified me, but I couldn’t shake it as that dark gaze burned into me. Seeming to realize my sudden trepidation he blinked and then managed a wan smile. The look was gone from his gaze, but I couldn’t forget it, and he couldn’t hide it completely.
“Cade…”
“Let’s get you back Bethany.”
“Are you ok Cade?”
“I’m fine.” His fingers entwined with mine. He lifted my hand to place a soft kiss against my knuckles. “Lead the way.”
I studied him for a moment longer, but there was no evidence of the darkness I had seen just moments ago. No evidence of anything other than the man that I had always known and loved. I must have been imagining things. I had become so accustomed to the bad, that I could not allow myself to simply enjoy the wonder of his return.
I squeezed his hand tight as I led him back through the forest. Even though my runs were often hectic and panicked with my need for escape, I was somehow always able to make my way back to the farmhouse. Something in my subconscious must have remembered the route because I sure as hell wasn’t any good with directions. As we walked, I told him everything that had happened since he’d been gone. Everything we had gone through, the losses we’d experienced, the places we’d been, and our trip to Plymouth.
In the beginning he asked questions, but the more I told him, the quieter he became. Anger slowly settled over him as I told him about the creature that had attacked me. I did not go into detail about the pain, I didn’t think anyone should know about that, ever. It was a long moment after I had finished speaking before he finally did so.
“You trust this Dr. Bishop?”
That wasn’t the response I had expected. I had told my tale; I had thought that his was going to be forthcoming now. “Well, yes,” I said hesitatingly. “He’s very smart, he saved my life, and he’s a good man.”
Cade made a noncommittal sound that puzzled me. My uneasiness grew. I didn’t know what had been done to him, what he’d had to endure while imprisoned by the aliens. I studied his countenance. Even if they had somehow managed to change him, I knew that he still loved me, it was obvious. But what had happened to him? Where had he been? How had he escaped? And why wasn’t he telling me?
I tried to bury my multiple questions and doubts, hating myself for them. Of course they had changed him, of course he was different. We were both different after what we had endured. We were all different from what we’d endured.
“Does he have any idea why you are different than the others?”
His question sounded nonchalant but there was a new tension racing through his body. His shoulders were tight, his eyes hard. I didn’t tell him about my own fears, my own doubts about myself. I couldn’t bring myself to speak of them. I didn’t want him to look at me differently; I didn’t want him to fear for me. And if I was going to be honest with myself, I didn’t want to think about them right now. Cade’s return had given me a reprieve from the abnormalities in my blood, and until this morning I hadn’t thought about it again. I wasn’t ready to worry about it now either.