I nodded. “I do, and you should sleep.”
His fingers played idly with a stick. “I got an hour or so.”
I would have to be happy with that fact, it was more than I’d thought he’d received, and I knew it was all he’d give into for now. I dug into the bag and pulled out a thing of peanut butter crackers. I should probably eat more, but I didn’t know how long it would take us to rejoin the others, and I had to make sure that Abby had enough food. I could go hungry, she wasn't going to though. My belly rumbled as I nibbled on the crackers and tried to trick my stomach into thinking it was receiving more than it was.
I watched Abby as she slept; she looked so peaceful and content. It was hard to believe that every waking moment of her life had become such a constant battle, and from here on out it would continue to be so. I was so entrenched in my thoughts that I didn’t realize I was on my last cracker, until it was gone. I wiped my hands on my legs as I tried to ignore the gnawing hunger in my stomach. I pulled my knees up against my chest and wrapped my arms around them.
“We have to get moving soon,” Cade said.
I nodded my agreement, my fingers clenched as I fought the urge to retrieve more food from the bag. I was eager to move again, eager to get to the gas station, to be doing something once more. Now that I was awake again, I felt vulnerable out in the open and exposed here. A faint rustling drew my attention back to Cade as he dug amongst the bag. I closed my eyes and turned away from him.
“Bethany.” Cade was kneeling before me when I opened my eyes. He held a granola bar, an apple, and a bottle of water out to me. I shook my head as my gaze went to Abby’s slumbering form. “We all ate earlier, you should eat more.”
“I’m fine.”
“There’s enough to last a couple of days if we’re careful. Hopefully, by then, we’ll have found some more food, or rejoined the others.”
“And if we don’t?”
“Then we will cross that bridge when we get to it.” I shot him an angry look, nowhere near as amused by his words as he was. He grinned at me, his eyes danced with the merriment that filled them. “You can’t keep her safe if you don’t have the energy to do so.”
I could have continued to protest, but his sound reasoning and the loud rumbling of my stomach were my undoing. I offered a grateful smile as I took the food from him. He rose to his feet to study the forest as he stretched. “I'm going to scope out the area, see if I can decide the best way to go.” My eyes shot to him, I paused with the apple halfway to my mouth. “I won’t be long, but now that you’re awake…”
His voice trailed off. All I could do was stare at him. Finally, I swallowed heavily and managed a small nod. We would be fine, he would be fine, but I couldn’t stop the overwhelming vulnerability that suffused me. “Of course. Yeah, I’ll keep watch. Stay safe.”
He flashed that charming, damn near heart stopping grin. “Always.”
Worry filled me as he slipped from sight amongst the trees. He would be fine, I repeatedly told myself as I munched down the food and took a drink of water. It was warm, but it still quenched my thirst. I stood and walked a little further away. I peered into the trees as two squirrels leapt eagerly through the branches. I smiled as I watched them jump and play, it was such a normal, everyday display, and yet it meant so very much to me right now. I inhaled deeply as I savored in this moment; relieved to see the return of the wildlife.
When I turned back around I was startled to discover that Cade had returned. He moved with such stealth that I hadn't heard or sensed his approach. In the hour or so that he'd been gone, he seemed to have regained some of his vigor. The color was back in his face and his mouth wasn't as pinched. Perhaps I had merely imagined the exhaustion and tension enveloping him earlier. I had just woken up after all, I'd still been groggy. I didn’t think that was the case, but whatever he'd discovered while he'd been gone had definitely put some life back into him.
His expression which was usually tough, and composed, was neither of those things as he watched me. Now it was lax with a longing to it that left me breathless and trembling. I didn’t understand how just one look from him could have such a profound effect on me, but it did, and I found that it was enough to make me feel almost normal again. His smile was warming and so beautiful that I couldn't help but return it.
My attention was torn away from him as Abby began to stir. She moaned as she stretched her arms and back. I sighed in resignation, not at all looking forward to the next leg of our journey, but knowing that we had to go. Abby sat up as Cade strode over and began to shake Jenna awake.
CHAPTER 20
We labored over top of the hill. As much physical activity as I'd been doing lately, I was still panting for breath, and my legs were shaking by the time we made it to the top. I rose to my full height to survey the slope of the hill as it fell sharply toward the highway. I was struggling to just breathe through my mouth. It wasn't working though, the scent of garbage and rot was repugnant and inescapable in the heat of the hot sun. Waves of heat and methane drifted into the air, distorting it before us.
None of us had been eager to make our way through the dump to the highway; unfortunately it had seemed like the safest option, and we could move through the day instead of having to stop again. The awful stench of the trash would mask our scents, and make it difficult to follow us, if they did happen to track by scent. There were also numerous places to hide amongst the heaping mounds of awful refuge.
I had thought I was filthy and smelly before, it was nothing compared to now. Not to mention the gut wrenching, horrific bugs that we discovered amongst the overwhelming mounds of waste. What little food had been in my stomach was now gone. I continued to dry heave, but there was nothing left in me to lose. Abby had been crying softly, but she was now eerily silent. We weren't so fortunate when it came to Jenna. She hadn’t stopped complaining since the second we’d scaled the fence into the dump.
“I want to go home. I can’t… I can’t. I just want to go home.”
“You have to Jenna. There is no home to go to anymore,” Cade said, and not for the first time.
I wanted to scream at her. I wanted to break down and beg to go home too. I wanted to flee down the mound, bolt out of the dump, and inhale greedy gulps of fresh air again but I didn't. Though I was certain I was never going to get the stench scrubbed off of me, or rid myself of the squishy, crawly, creepy feeling of bugs climbing and slithering over me. I shuddered as my gaze traveled down the massive mound.