Little pervy bastard.
“COOP! COOP, COME FIND ME! COOPER! WAKE UP, COOP!”
Calling out to him made me feel like giving up again. I liked that he always saved me. That wasn’t the only thing I liked… But I felt like Bill Murray washing balls and staring at the older ladies in Caddyshack every time I thought about him in a naughty way.
I pushed the thought away and started my slow progression to sitting up on the beam.
I whispered a mock prayer, “If I live through this, I swear I’ll sign me and Jules up for mommy and me gymnastics.”
Jesus, and start lifting weights.
I grabbed the beam next to me and dragged my poor body up to a sitting position. I coughed and gagged as I slid along the beams to the vent, kicking the plastic vent out and leaning my face out into the cold night air. I gulped in the clean air.
A black sedan sat across the street but up a few houses. I could see the man in the driver’s seat was reading something. His angle wouldn’t be great to see the attic vent, thank God.
I choked on the clean air for a minute, trying to figure out how to get off the roof.
I sat back, putting my feet through the vent, and slid my body through the hole. I grabbed the vent with my trembling fingers and stood on the roof. I looked at the car. He was still reading.
Lazy f**ker. Where was the work ethic in the new spies?
I crept to the edge of the peaked part of the roof and shimmied along to the back. My heart was rapidly attempting to push me off the roof, it was beating so hard against the house. Everything hurt but there wasn’t time to think about it. I crept to the back of the house, to the huge tree by the back deck. The tree that James, the man whore, and I had argued about. I had wanted to cut it down; it made weird noises in the storms. I looked at it and nodded, "So glad I never won that argument." Tears streamed down my terrified face.
The self-pity tears were back. I dare say, I even heard a ‘why me’ in the back of my mind.
“Evie!”
The floodgates opened when I saw Coop standing on my back deck. I sobbed but he shook his head, “Stop being a baby. You have to jump into the tree. The fire is out of control. Hurry up.”
I shook my head, “I-I-I can’t.” It was true. Him being there meant I was safe and he would save me, and I didn’t have to do anything else. I shook my head but he rolled his eyes and pointed at me, “I am not climbing this f**king tree to come get you. Now jump. Pick a branch and jump.”
I sniffled and nodded, “Alright...fine...I f**king hate you." Somehow it all had to be his fault.
I caught my breath and looked down. The ground was rushing up at me. I shook my head and closed my eyes for a second, “I can't do this, Coop. I can't jump. I’m not twenty and stupid. I know how the hard ground feels from this distance.”
He pinched the bridge of his nose, “Jump or die.”
I took a breath and picked my branch. I was about to sit down and cry until I died, but the roof cracked behind me as the fire spread. I screamed.
"Just jump, Evie, for Christ's sake."
I did a couple squats and closed my eyes again, as I leapt for the branch. When my fingers caught it, I gripped for dear life but the sweat and blood made my palms slippery. My grip was lost and I dropped to the next branch. I screamed as my back hit the branch and I scrambled for a grip. I caught something in my hands and held on for dear life. I opened my eyes, only then, to see I was hung up in a branch...floating mid-air... halfway up my house. I caught my breath and looked for Coop. His eyes were huge. He swallowed hard, “Oh shit, Evie. You scared the hell out of me.”
I snarled, but my back getting hit had knocked the wind out of me. The branch cracked and slowly lowered me to the ground as it broke off in a series of cracks and tears. He ran his hands through his hair and sighed, “That was graceful.” I could hear the relief in his voice. I groaned, “I hate you.”
He jumped the fence of the deck and picked me up off the ground. I clutched to the branch, leaned forward, and threw up everywhere.
“Also graceful.”
I heaved, “Fuck…you.”
He rubbed my back, “Come on, we gotta go ‘round back. They got eyes on the house. I’ll be stunned if they didn’t see that display.”
I shook my head, “No.” I wiped my face. He gave me a horrified look as I lifted my shirt up to wipe my face again.
He seemed confused, “You got blood everywhere.”
"I have a million slivers in my hands." I stepped back and looked at the house, “The cat.”
He shook his head, “Ralph’s in my car. He was in the yard when I got here. Luckily, they got the sleepiest f**ker ever on this place. I think he was actually napping when I arrived. Anyway, Ralph's safe but pissed.” He held his arm out, showing me a huge scratch.
I winced, “He’s okay, though?”
He nodded, “Yeah, but your house is screwed.”
I sobbed a little, my babies’ pictures and all their things. The things we had accumulated as a family. All that was left was the crackling sound of the flames and the wood. "My kids have officially lost everything. James has taken it all."
Coop ran his hands over my shoulders, "Evie, they still have you."
I sniffled and watched as it all burned up. One of the windows next to us burst, with flames shooting out. I growled and pulled his gun from his harness. He snatched it back, “We gotta go.”
I shook my head and limped around the side of the house. One of my socks was missing and my pajamas were torn and shredded. Leaves, bark, and blood covered me, and I felt like I needed an iron lung. I hobbled to the front of the house, staying in the huge bushes that separated my yard from the one next door. No one was awake. No one noticed that my house was in flames. Probably because none of my smoke alarms were going off anymore. Something had killed them off.
Fuckers.
I looked back at Coop and pointed to the car, “I’ll be right back.”
Coop grabbed my arm, “Wait. They think you’re dead, let them.”
I snarled. He let go and stepped back, "Or not."
I limped across the street and opened the driver door. The man in the dark clothes looked up. I punched as hard as I could, grabbed his gun from his lap, and smashed him in the face with it. He cried out as I dragged him from his seat. He grabbed me but I kicked him in the balls. We both screamed—my bare toes against his pelvis was a bad experience. He bent over to throw up, but I pulled him across the street with his gun to his head. He fought back but my rage was far superior to his training. I smacked him in the head again and tossed him into a bush, holding his own gun on him, “WHAT THE FUCK?”
He shook his head, “How?”
I growled, “Forget how, you little dick. You lit my house on fire? My kids could have been in there.”
He gave me a slimy smile. I fired a bullet into his thigh. The silencer made the shot almost inaudible.
He grabbed the wound, crying out.
“Why?” I asked.
He shook his head, “I can't tell you.”
I fired a bullet into his other thigh.
He screamed again.
“Why?”
His face was tight but he managed words, “It was just a job, lady. You were just a mark. I can't tell you, because I don't know. The message came through a couple days ago.”
I looked at Coop who was shaking his head. I ignored him, “Who hired you, dipshit?”
He shook his head, “I don’t know. Money was a wire transfer and the gun and phone were in a locker at a bus station for me.”
I swallowed and tapped my probably-broken finger against the barrel of the gun. Before I chickened out, I fired a third shot. He didn’t cry out that time.
I fought the urge to throw up and glanced at Coop, “Dump his body in the fire.”
He gave me a grim look, “You okay, Evie?”
I shook my head, “Not even close. We’ll keep his gun and phone and steal his car. Fuck his house over, you know…the basics."
He sighed, “Welcome back. How was your week off?”
I nodded, “Good. Got the house ready for the birthday party and shit. That, and the renovations I was about to start so it would sell faster… you know… awesome.”
He laughed bitterly and looked back at my house that was fully engulfed, “Yeah, the renos probably won’t help you sell the house now.”
I started to laugh and collapsed onto the grass and bushes. Coop grabbed the dead guy, tossing his phone at me, and carried his body to the back of the house. He was back fast, helping me up from the ground where I had sat, staring at the bloodstains I had made.
I limped to the car, started it and followed Coop’s car, with Ralph’s face staring back at me from the back window. I could see his little black lips moving. He was, no doubt, driving Coop insane with the constant meowing. He was a terrible car cat.
Coop pulled over and walked back to the car where I parked behind him, “Give me his address.”
I passed him the insurance papers from the dash. He looked them over and nodded, “I called in an anonymous 9-1-1 for your house. Your cat is f**king annoying.” He sighed, tossed the papers back at me, and drove off again.
I followed him, blocking out the details of the night I’d just had. I assumed it was very bad that in my mind, jumping from the roof to the tree was still the worst part. That didn’t say much about my character.
He parked in front of what I assumed was the dead man's house. I could feel the sobering effects of seeing the dead man's house starting to creep around inside of me. The house made him a real man. A man I had taken the life of. A real man, who someone had loved, even if it was just a cat or dog or weird chat group on the internet.
Coop sat there for a second before driving off again. He parked a few blocks away. I parked behind him.
He got out and walked back to my window, “Get in the passenger seat. It’ll just look like he came home with a chick.”
I nodded and climbed out.