I nodded, “I know. I’m so sorry. I thought that it would go faster.”
His fingers dug in. My mother pointed, “Just like you asked, a beautiful home where the kids can grow up with horses, bunnies, and dogs.”
I gave her a look. Mitch looked bummed, “Mom, I don’t want to live in Montana. This is the middle of nowhere.”
I rubbed his head, seeing his father on his face, “Sweetie, this is better for us. I promise.”
I dropped to my knee, “How was your birthday?”
Jules shook her head, “It wasn’t the same without you, but Grandma gave the girls Monster High dolls and Madison Mitchell was so jealous. She said at her birthday she was going to give them out too and her mother said that it was excessive.”
I laughed, “I’m sure she did.” I looked at my kids and smiled earnestly, “Guys, our little family needs this. Uncle Coop, Aunty Luce, Uncle Jack, and us, and grandma—we need this. A new start, where we don’t have to think about how sad we are about Daddy and how sad we are about everything else. This is our fresh start. Okay? Can you try for me?”
They both gave me a hesitant look and then nodded. I pulled them in and hugged them again, kissing each cheek. I looked up at the huge white farmhouse and nodded, “How old is it?”
Mom gave me an annoyed look, “New. I know what you’re like about old houses. It’s three years old and built to look old fashioned.” I noticed the way it looked like a fairytale house and nodded, “They succeeded.”
She sighed, “Come inside and see the place before you judge it. You are so like your father.”
It made me smile. I wrapped my arms around Mitch as Jules ran to catch up to my mom, bursting through the door. “Mom, come and see my room! I got all new stuff ‘cause of the fire.”
I could feel my heartbeat lessening with every step we took. This house could be a safe place for my mom and my kids. It wasn’t fancy like my house, my pile of ashes, but it was nice. The counters were granite and the cabinets were white country but modern still. The floors were maple and the trim was all wide crown molding. It was a nice home.
I glanced at my mom, “Did I buy it? Do I own it?”
She nodded, “You do.”
I could feel it settling inside of me, the idea that I was okay. I still felt like maybe a bomb would just be dropped and we would all be dead, and I wouldn’t be able to do anything to stop the attack. It was an impotent feeling. I hated it.
Mom reached for my free hand, “Darling, you will get used to this. This house will become a home. We have state of the art security.”
I could have almost cried. Mitch looked up at me, “I can’t believe we have nothing from our old house. I can’t believe it burned up."
I didn’t have anything for him but a hug, "I know, baby. I can’t either. Seems like it's been such bad luck lately."
He looked into my eyes skeptically but said nothing.
I finished looking at the immaculate first floor and climbed the stairs. It had four bedrooms up, and the one with Jules in it, jumping up and down, was adorable. The room was pink with white lace curtains, very girlie. The bed was actually built into the closet to make it like a tree house, with the closet below for extra storage. There was a second closet on the other side of the room. She climbed the wall ladder, “See, Mom. Look, it’s a tree house bed.” Her face was split wide with joy. I almost cried, but I knew where I needed to cry and her bedroom wasn’t it. I nodded, “This is amazing. I am so excited you love it. Grandma did such a good job picking out a house for us.”
Jules giggled, “I helped.”
“You did amazing too. Want to show me the way to my room?”
She climbed down quickly and raced down the hallway to the master suite. It was huge and, no doubt, already bugged. I looked around for the spots he would put them. Damned Coop.
The bathroom was glorious with a huge soaker tub and everything I would need to be happy.
Montana? I never saw that coming. I had to be honest with myself and admit I wasn’t happy. But looking around, I knew I could be.
Happy was safe kids. And my mom.
The rest would have to work itself out. I walked down the hall to Mitch’s room. He was already on his bed with headphones on, playing Minecraft. He looked miserable.
“What's up?”
He gave me a frown, “I have no one to play with. Jack erased all my other data. I have no friends or anything. He said 'cause you had to go back to work for the government we have to say goodbye to our old life. You don’t even care about us, you just want to have your old job back.”
I knelt next to him, “School starts in two days. You will have new friends. I promise you that."
He shook his head, rolling his eyes. "Whatever."
It was one of those moments where I wanted to smack him upside the head for giving me the eye-roll whatever, but I knew he was right, I had done this to him.
His father and I had been part of something that never suited children, no matter how hard we wanted to justify it as a job.
"Did Grandma tell you I'm switching back to my CI name? The one I used when I was undercover."
He snarled, "Anything to be rid of the memory of Dad, huh? You'd rather have a fake name, than his?"
It stung that I was taking the blame for it all. I was the cold widow who didn’t give a shit about my husband being dead.
"That’s not why. I'm back to work. Your father is gone and I have to have a job, Mitch. Evie Evans needs to be gone. You know the work we did. It was all top secret."
He gave me a look, "I don’t care, at all."
I gripped his hand, "You need to remember that, okay? You and Jules."
I kissed his head, got up and walked back to my room. The way he had pulled back, disgusted with my kiss, picked at me.
I shouted down the stairs, "Mom, I'm hitting the shower. Okay?"
"Sure, dear. I'm making muffins and cookies anyway."
I smiled, desperate for the smell of her baking to fill the house and make it ours. When I got back into my bedroom, Ralph was chilling like a villain on my bed, purring and doing his laundry. I knelt at the bed, stroking his soft fur, “Hey buddy!” He seemed to be of the opinion the new house wasn’t such a big deal.
I turned and shuffled into my bathroom, stripping only when the door was closed. I climbed into the shower, sat on the floor with my legs pulled into me and let the water rain down on me. It couldn’t rain fast enough though, the tears flooding my eyes blinded me. I cried until I couldn’t because there was nothing left inside of me.
Chapter Five
Steve! Nope, still not scary!
I drove past mom mowing the grass and waved. It was like a field. She was all excited about the lawnmower she could ride on and drive like it was a racetrack, and not a yard at all.
I drove to the elementary school and parked down a block on the road. I grabbed my coffee and headed up the street to the park where I climbed into the fort on the playground and sat. It was overlooking the window I knew was hers. I didn’t know how long I had sat there or how long I'd done nothing but stare at the tree house, but when the lunch bell rang, I realized my butt was completely numb. I pushed myself to my knees and watched as the kids ran out into the schoolyard. My heart fluttered until I saw her. She looked like she was alone, no kids running and playing with her, until a blonde girl walked up. She pointed at the monkey bars. Jules nodded and followed her. I sighed with relief, she had made a friend.
"Hey, champ! You want some more caffeine to add to the unimaginable amount you already have in there?"
I smiled when I heard his voice and turned to see something that almost gave me heart failure. My jaw dropped and a noise came out, not a good noise. It made him smile wide and cheeky. Shit. "What are you wearing?"
He glanced up at the cowboy hat on his head, "What? This? We're in Montana, Evie. These small towns are just like the military—fit in or f**k off. You know, F.I.F.O. We talked about this, Evie."
I scowled, "For your information, I Googled that and it's a food safety acronym, not military. It means first in, first out." My eyes wandered down him like a lazy river. The dark cowboy hat and the blue eyes combined with the stubble and those lips, gahhhh. He looked like sex on a stick. Jesus, help me be strong!
He wore a white t-shirt that hugged his chest and arms, arms I wanted to bite. The belt buckle was the worst. I felt like a raven staring at the shiny object, entranced in its location and size. The tight jeans were too much. I snatched the coffee from his huge hand and looked back at my kid, praying I didn’t just orgasm from sexy-guy overload.
"What?"
I shook my head, "Why are you all local yokel?"
He nudged me, "Evie, believe it or not, my parents have a ranch. I've always been a cowboy. Montana was my choice. I love it here. Big skies, rolling hills, farms, and simple people who are kind and will always help a neighbor out. Besides, I'm the new owner of the tack shop. I am the cowboy riding expert."
I couldn’t fight the good fight and keep my eyes to myself. In my peripheral, I could see his arms and jeans and gahhhh belt buckle. Shit.
He started to laugh, "You are being so weird!"
I shook my head, "No, uhm just tired."
A lady crossed the street in front of the school and made her way into the gate for the park. She started laughing when she got closer, "Oh my goodness. I thought you all were some high schoolers."
I started to laugh and gave Coop a grin, "Not me."
He sighed at me but smiled at her. Even my heart melted when I saw his smile. She blushed instantly.
“Hi, I'm Jon Stapleford. We just moved here."
I climbed down off of the playhouse, dusting myself off and trying to get blood flowing back into my legs, "I'm Evelyn Rolland. This is my brother…"
Coop cut me off, "Her brother's friend. How are you?" That wasn’t the story. He was supposed to be my brother.