Since everyone was fully awake I went ahead and sat back up. Exhaustion made my body heavy, but if this was the last time I was going to see my brother and best friend, I wanted to be awake for it. My foot rested on Talley’s calf, and before she could wrestle with the ethics of Seeing what was going on with me, I opened myself up to her.
“You talked to Liam,” she said. “Good.”
“Yeah, he’s considerably less annoying when he isn’t being all broody and silent. And it’s kind of nice being caught up on everything for once.” I shot Jase a look to let him know he still wasn’t completely forgiven.
“Give him some slack,” Talley said, and I wasn’t quite sure if she was talking about Liam or Jase. Maybe both. Knowing Talley, she meant humans in general.
I was willing to give Liam some slack, especially now that I knew what he had been through, but I wasn’t trusting him to become a regular Chatty Kathy and start sharing on a regular basis. Knowing this might be my last chance to gather information from people who really did care about my place in all of this, I ventured into an area of conversation I was mostly sure Liam wouldn’t approve.
“I don’t suppose you guys are in on The Plan? Like what happens tomorrow, or the day after, or the month after?”
Talley and Jase shared a look, and then Jase answered. “Liam is supposed to be training you. I’m not sure of any particulars as to where you are going or anything, but Toby and the others are busting their asses off to recruit as many Shifters to our side as possible before he declares you ready.”
“Ready for what?”
Talley’s eyes flicked towards the back porch where Liam was supposed to be sleeping.
“He’s out by the barn,” I said, able to hear him walking around. He had to be as tired as I was, but I understood. He wasn’t really in a good place emotionally when I headed in, but it was the kind of thing you had to be in your own head for a while to get through. I knew. I had been there myself. “I don’t think he’s actively listening to our conversation.” Although I went ahead and dropped my voice a few notches.
She nodded. It seemed more like a “Yes, I’m going to go ahead and do this,” than “Good to know.” “You’re supposed to Challenge the Alpha Female.”
“I can do that?” It seemed logical, I guess. Although, there was no way in Hades I was going to become the new Alpha Female. Running an entire race of people wasn’t really something I am super-qualified for. “Why would I have to train for that? Not to be too horribly boastful here or anything, but I’m pretty sure I could take that skank down with one arm tied behind my back. I’m a Shifter. She’s evil, but a pampered princess all the same. It’ll take me less than two minutes to have her bleeding and broken.”
“But can you kill her?”
My heart paused dramatically in my chest. “I’ve killed before.” I could still feel the gun in my hand; see the shock and then nothingness in Travis’s eyes.
Being more perceptive than normal, Jase said, “And you can’t think about it without turning green. That was in self-defense, kill or be killed. Right now could you honestly issue a Challenge to Sarvarna knowing you’re going to end her life?”
“If I had to--”
“And to claim the Alpha spot, you would also have to kill Stefan.”
“He’s in a coma.”
“Yes, he is,” Jase said. “Could you do that? Kill a defenseless man?”
I wasn’t a fan of Stefan by a long shot - he did lock me in a cage and agree to have me killed - but I didn’t hate him with quite the same passion as I did Sarvarna. When it came down to it, he didn’t really want me dead. He regretted having to do it, but felt it was necessary for the greater good. Even though I disagreed, strongly, I understood. He was sort of noble in this really screwed up way. It was the kind of screwed up nobility which would have kept him from attacking someone in a hospital bed.
No, I couldn’t do that. Not at all.
“I don’t want to be Alpha. Can’t we just stage a coup and then have an Alpha election?”
“That’s not the way it works,” Jase said.
“It can’t work that way,” Talley added. “Wolves and coyotes need a hierarchy based on strength. Once you beat the Alphas, you’ll have to face Challenges, both from within the Alpha Pack and outside. Every Dominant in the world will see it as a time to make a bid for power. You will have to fight every day, kill every day, for as long as it takes to prove you’re the strongest, most capable Shifter.”
“But I’m not.” And I would never be prepared for what Talley was talking about. A life of fighting? Of killing? There was no amount of training Liam could do to prepare me for that. “Why not Liam? Why doesn’t he Challenge the Alphas?” I knew he was capable of taking them on, and might even have the fortitude to keep fighting once the initial battle was done.
Jase’s mouth set as he slowly gave his a head a wish-I-knew shake. “I guess he figures there is no need to fight a war when you can program someone else to do it for you.”
“That’s not it,” Talley said. I could see her wrestling with those morals of hers, but finally she came down on the side of sharing what she knew despite the invasion of Liam’s privacy. “He doesn’t feel worthy. He thinks he’ll fail.”
“And I’m going to do a better job?” I snorted out a laugh. “Seriously, Tal? He has to know this is a suicide mission for me.”
“No, it’s not!” Jase practically yelled at the same time Talley said, “You can’t think that.”
I held up a hand to quiet them. “Listen, I don’t want to die, and I’m certainly going to do everything in my power to keep from biting the big one, but you both know I’m not going to be able to go all River Tam on the Shifters of the world.” I looked at Talley. “And we both know what you’ve Seen. It doesn’t look like I’m going to make it past Round One.”
“I don’t See--”
“Talley.”
She took a deep breath. “The vision changes all the time. It’s not a definite thing.”
“How many times does it not include me getting stabbed?”
Her silence was answer enough.
“I’m not lying. I’m scared, and I don’t want to die.” While part of me yearned to be at peace with Alex, I knew it was the coward’s way out. Not to mention, there were still things I wanted to do in this world. “But they can’t win. I’m not saying I’m going to go along with this whole Scout-Challenges-the-Alphas plan, but I’m willing to fight for the cause. If there’s going to be a war, then count me in as a soldier.”