“Do you want to climb up here and snuggle with me?”
“Iʼm supposed to be real careful not to hurt you.”
“You wonʼt hurt me.” I patted the empty space on the bed with my cast. “Look, you can lay right here. Weʼll just be sure not to touch my tummy, okay?” She was exceedingly cautious as she climbed up beside me. The jarring of the mattress did cause a few stabbing pains to shoot through my midsection, but I managed not to scream.
When she finally settled in I pulled her head down onto my shoulder. She smelled of hotel shampoo and cookies. I watched as tears pooled on the bridge of her nose before plunging onto my hospital gown.
“Mommy said that Alex went to Heaven.” Her voice trembled as she spoke.
“Thatʼs right. He went to be with his mommy and daddy.”
“And theyʼll take care of him and wonʼt let him be lonely?”
“Of course they will. Heʼs in a better place now.”
Angel wiggled around so that she could look at me. “Youʼre not going to leave me and go to Heaven too, are you?” Her voice hiccuped as she started crying in earnest, her tiny face screwed up into a mask of heartache. If you had asked me an hour before, I would have said it was impossible for my heart to break any further. I would have been wrong.
“Iʼm not going anywhere.” I awkwardly patted her back with my broken hand and covered the crown of her head in kisses. “Iʼm going to get better and come home in just a couple of days.”
“Promise me,” she sobbed. “Promise me you wonʼt die.”
“Angel, sweetie, I canʼt promise that. No one can make that promise.”
“Promise me!” she wailed.
And so I slipped my pinky finger around hers and promised to stay where I was, in my very own version of Hell.
***
The next time I came to a new visitor was occupying the chair where my parents normally kept vigil. Talley twisted her hair around her fingers as her unblinking eyes flitted down the page of the novel balanced on her lap. From the blush on her cheeks I assumed she was to the kissing part.
“Hey,” I said. My voice was still weak, especially when I first woke up.
Talley jumped up and tossed the book aside without even marking the page. “Iʼm so sorry.
Have you been awake long? Do you need anything? Water? Ice chips? Are you in pain? Do I need to get a nurse?”
“Iʼm fine.” I swallowed and reconsidered her offer. “Actually, ice would be awesome.” Talley darted down the hall, reappearing seconds later with a styrofoam cup and plastic spoon. She made like she was going to feed me, but I fixed her with a look that caused her to hand it over. When her fingers touched mine she jerked back and apologized. She did that a lot now that I knew about her Seer abilities.
“Itʼs fine,” I said for perhaps the hundredth time. “I trust you.” That was apparently the wrong thing to say. Talleyʼs face completely crumbled.
I braced myself, certain Talley was going to tell me she had told Jase and Charlie where to find me. I had been refusing to admit that was the most rational explanation for how they found us because I knew once I did, I would have to pass some of the blame for Alexʼs death onto Talley, leaving me without a single friend.
“Iʼve already Seen what happened that night.” The world weighed heavy on her shoulders.
“I didnʼt want to, but they made me do it to protect the Pack. He had to know what happened.
Iʼm so sorry, Scout. I know I promised never to get inside your head without your permission, but--”
“Itʼs okay,” I said, cutting her off. “Mi brain es su brain.” My own memories of that night were still jumbled, but it was getting clearer all the time.
Some things, like the stick protruding from Alexʼs flesh, seemed to be seared permanently into my brain. Sometimes the image would suddenly float in front of my eyes, blocking out everything else. Other times, I would be gripped with a sudden paralyzing fear out of nowhere, my heart hammering in my chest, my brain screaming for fight or flight without any finite source of danger. And then there were the nightmares. I wondered if Talley was able to sleep peacefully.
“Iʼm sorry you had to See that,” I said.
“Iʼm sorry you had to live it.” She sat down on the edge of my bed. I placed a hand on her arm, both to comfort her and to let her know that I was still okay with her touching me. I watched as tears made rivulets down her cheeks, her face mirroring the window.
“Tal, did you tell them where we were?”
I couldnʼt help it. I had to know.
“What? No. Of course not.” She grabbed one of the sandpaper grade tissues from the nightstand and delicately wiped her eyes. “We were doing a distance test to see how far away they could get before I lost their voices. They were supposed to be heading south, away from you. I have no idea...” She dabbed her eyes again. “Toby asked, of course, but they wonʼt say what they were doing there.”
“Couldnʼt you just...” I squeezed her arm to illustrate my point.
“Jase hasnʼt gotten close enough for me to touch him since July, and Charlie...” She cleared her throat in as ladylike of a manner as possible. “No. I havenʼt been able to get anything.”
She stared out my window for a long while. I wished that her power worked both ways so I could know what she was thinking. My medication was wearing off, and since I was still holding onto Talleyʼs arm, she realized it the same moment I did. “Here,” she said getting up, “let me go get someone to give you something for the pain.”
“No, not yet. Itʼs not that bad.” I had learned that pain was relative. For about five minutes I thought my throat was the ultimate in suffering. Now, even though it hadnʼt healed much, I barely noticed it. Compared to my injuries, it was just a nuisance. And compared to the hollow ache in my chest, physical pain was nothing. “I want to talk more before I slip off into the deep, dark abyss yet again.”
Talley glanced at the door, and then sunk into the chair. “What do you want to talk about?”
“What does everyone think happened that night? Where do they think these scratches came from?”
“It was a nice night, so we decided to study outside, like a camping cram session.” I wondered if the speech sounded so rehearsed every time she told it. “You went in the woods to pee. We heard you scream and found you on the ground, bleeding. I saw a flash of an animal disappearing into the woods. Alex had taken off to get help, but he must have gotten confused, because he ran right off the cliff. I tried to make you lie still while I went for help, but you wouldnʼt listen. You went looking for Alex, which is how you ended up losing so much blood.”