‘Still think it’s too uncomfortable?’ she asked.
‘Um. No. I think I could pretty much lie on hot coals right now and not notice. A bit of bumpy sheet metal is nothing.’
One of her bra straps fell of its own accord, and I reached to pull the other one down. Her tits were close to spilling from the barely-there cups. ‘Holy f**k,’ I said.
She leaned close and unzipped my jeans. ‘Yes.’
We left the lacy things on. I felt the soft scuff of it against my chest as she leaned to kiss me. I felt it against my palms on her ass, my fingertips touching the bare skin just below it. And then I couldn’t feel anything but where we joined. She gasped my name minutes later as I angled my hips up to meet her and it was like there were fireworks all around us.
‘I think I’m falling in love with you, Melody,’ I whispered when she’d fallen asleep, her ear pressed to the rose tattoo above my heart.
LUCAS
My ulterior motive terrified Jacqueline as much as I feared it would. I wanted to show her the ground-defence move here, where no one was watching – the one she’d not been able to do without quaking this morning – and teach her to do it without a second thought.
Knowing she could do this would bring her power. If she’d have been able to do this move that night and escape that truck, he might have been too drunk to chase her down. If I hadn’t been there, it would have given her a chance to get away from him.
I still couldn’t think about seeing him on top of her without red edging my vision, followed by crushing guilt for not immediately following him out the door the second he left the party. I’d allowed my insecurity over my desire for her to blunt my perception that something was off about him. Monumental mistake. I swore I would not make it again.
Focus.
‘Trust me, Jacqueline. It works. Will you let me show you?’ I held her hands in mine – they’d gone cold again – and watched a swarm of emotions hurtle across her face. Fear was foremost, and I prayed that her fear stemmed from those memories and not from me. If she couldn’t trust me with this, I couldn’t reach her. I couldn’t help her. Trust me.
She nodded – the barest inclination of her head.
I brought her to an empty space on my living-room floor, going to my knees with her, our eyes connected. If I read her wrong … I couldn’t think about the consequences of that. I knew this girl. I trusted my instincts that this was right. ‘Lie flat. On your stomach,’ I told her, and she complied.
I reminded her of everything Lieutenant Watts said in class, knowing that she’d missed some of it when she’d mentally checked out. I’d watched her do it. ‘The key is to get away,’ I said, and she nodded.
I asked if she remembered the moves, and she closed her eyes and shook her head, as if she was ashamed. I took a deep breath and forced my fists to loosen. My rage at the degradation forced on her would not help her, and that was all that mattered. If this was going to work, she’d have to go through it several times. It needed to be a programmed response that her body simply executed, without a lot of thought.
‘If you find yourself in this position, you want to do these moves automatically, without wasting time or energy trying to buck him off.’
When she went stiff, I asked, ‘What?’ I searched my words for the one that could cause that response and came up empty.
‘That’s his name. Buck,’ she said, her voice thin as a thread.
I found myself fighting for control again, and I knew that it would be best if I never ran into Buck on campus – or anywhere else. There was a high likelihood that he wouldn’t live through a reunion. ‘I will remember that.’
The move was one of leverage, backed up by simple physics – something very clear to me, but not necessarily so to most people. Dislodging a bigger, stronger foe meant impairing his leverage first. I had her perform the move without my weight on her, and then I suggested trying it with me holding her down, promising that she could say the word and I’d let go.
She was so clearly panicked, her shoulders rising and falling beneath my hands. She shut her eyes to hide tears I’d already noted. Goddammit, I wanted to murder that son of a bitch.
I was careful each time, but increased the pressure as she gained confidence, until finally I put my full weight on her. She got flustered and pushed up with her hips instead of rolling to one side – which she’d been doing perfectly moments before. I reminded her to fight that inclination. ‘Yes. Okay.’ Her voice was noticeably stronger, and I locked on to that.
‘Ready to try it for real?’ I asked, watching her closely. She nodded. ‘I won’t hurt you, but you’ll feel the force behind it more than before. It will be fast and hard – are you sure you’re ready for that?’ She nodded again. Her pulse thrummed, just under her ear, and I prayed she could do it. I had to know she could. She had to know she could.
I grabbed her shoulders and shoved her down, and one arm shot up over her head, but she couldn’t get the other one under her. She struggled, and I waited for her sign of surrender, but it didn’t come. Instead, she switched arms, pushing the one beneath her above her head and shoving the floor with her free arm, propelling me off.
I lay on my side, amazed and laughing. ‘Shit! You swapped sides on me!’
She smiled, and my gaze swung to her lips.
Mistake.
I told her this is where she’d get up and run, but she didn’t take the hint.