So what was the appeal to sustain this way of life? When it was comprised of backbreaking work, extreme temperatures, isolation and daily physical danger? There didn’t appear to be monetary gain. Was it the satisfaction of besting the elements and the animals year after year?
The only way she’d glean the tiniest bit of understanding would be to stick it out. Figure it out. Maybe by doing that, she’d find her way. Because one thing she had figured out? She was more than a little lost in her own life, regardless of her physical location.
Her thoughts drifted back to her sleeplessness last night and her flash of understanding of how important it was for Chase to prove he could keep the “no sex” promise he’d made to himself. Who was she to try and change his mind? Just because she wanted to prove that she had the mad skills to keep a man sexually satisfied? Chase ought to fall into bed with her?
Talk about diva-ish expectations.
Needing to sort out her emotions, she snagged her notebook and flipped on the desk lamp. She scrawled random thoughts, suggestions, ideas. Gibberish mostly, but she finally felt a measure of control. She was being honest on the page, not writing snarkily, or trying to be hip, or funny, but being real.
Ava also realized she’d never really know Chase except on a superficial level unless she studied his obsession and profession from a different angle. Not from fear, but from curiosity. She turned on her computer and searched for Chase McKay’s previous year’s rides, creating a separate disk with those, so he could compare then and now.
Time got away from her as she edited, copied folders and burned a DVD, so the knock on the bunkhouse door startled her. Sweet Ella stood on the porch, bouncing with impatience. “You still wanna go see the kitties?”
She could use a mental break. “Sure.”
They messed with the balls of fluff until Gemma called Ella for supper. When Ava returned to the bunkhouse, she noticed Chase was in the bathroom. Now was her chance to get the disks up to the house without running into him. She needed time to figure out how to deal with these conflicting feelings, whether the emotional price of ditching her normal life was worth it for the short term. She couldn’t avoid him for long, but she intended to try.
Chapter Nine
As Chase dished up a helping of sausage and fried potatoes, Gemma said, “Ava dropped off the disks she made of your rides today. One of the disks has all your previous good rides in the PBR and your worst rides to compare against your rides today.”
Chase’s fork stopped halfway to his mouth. “She did? That’s above and beyond.”
“Maybe slo-mo can give an idea of what you’re doin’ differently,” Colby said. “Something is off in your ridin’, but I’ll be damned if I could pinpoint exactly what it is.”
“That’s because there were too many things wrong to focus on just one,” Cash said with a smile.
If Cash’s kids hadn’t been at the table, Chase would’ve flipped him off. Oh right. His arm hurt too f**king bad to even lift up. “I’m gonna blame some of my altered performance on the safety helmet.”
“If you wanna train here, you have to wear it. The sooner you get used to it, the sooner we can get you back on track. Besides, you were havin’ troubles long before the headgear switch.”
Colby pointed at Chase with his butter knife. “I’m with Cash on this.”
“So you’d wear the helmet without complaint to every performance if you were still on the road?”
“Yep.”
Chase snorted. His big, macho cousin wouldn’t have worn one. Period.
“My boys all wear helmets when they’re competing at junior rodeo events. They don’t know different since they’ve always worn safety equipment.” Before Colby took a breath and continued his diatribe, his cell rang and he excused himself.
Chase pushed his food around on his plate. He was sore as hell, worse than he’d been in months. He didn’t feel like eating. But that wouldn’t sit well with Gemma, especially since Ava had bailed on supper.
Ryder chattered. Ella threw out random facts about cats. The youngest boy, Jansen, looked ready to fall asleep in his chair.
Gemma asked, “Everything all right?” after Colby returned to the table.
“Fine. Channing says it’s so quiet in the house with all her boys gone she actually spooked herself.”
That made Chase think of the first night they’d arrived and Ava’s fear of unfamiliar noises. Seemed odd she’d be off by herself somewhere.
“I wish Gib and Braxton coulda come,” Ryder complained.
Cash ruffled Ryder’s hair. “You’re full of complaints tonight, son. What’s up?”
“It was boring standin’ around today. I wanna help with the bulls tomorrow.”
“No can do. But I’ll tell ya what. I’ll let you watch Chase’s rides in a bit. After you get cleaned up.”
“Aw, Dad. Do I hafta?”
“Yep,” Cash said. “And you two,” he pointed to Ella and Jans, “start makin’ your way upstairs to the shower.”
After the kids left, Colby sighed. “What is it about boys’ bone-deep fear of soap and water? Drives my wife insane.”
“I’ll bet Princess Talia is sweet-smelling,” Gemma teased. “I’ll bet she’s getting big too.”
Colby’s face lit up. He shifted to dig his wallet out of his back pocket and passed around a picture of his baby girl.
Since Chase hadn’t seen the newest addition to Colby and Channing’s family—hard to keep up with his prolific cousins’ offspring—he dutifully checked out the dark-haired, blue-eyed child. Definitely a McKay.
“She’s the most beautiful thing in the world. Takes after her mama,” Colby said. “Even at six months the girl’s already got her brothers wrapped around her pinkie.”
“Sounds like she’s taking after Keely,” Chase said with a grin.
“Speaking of the latest McKay newlywed…” Gemma asked Colby, “How is the wild child?”
“Busy. Her business is good, and that’s sayin’ something in this economy. Her West cousins, Chet and Remy, started building her and Jack’s house as soon as the ground thawed. Not that Jack or my cousins need my dad’s input, but apparently he’s over at the building site every day to make sure Keely is happy. Damn man still dotes on her.”
“It’s easy to do with daughters,” Cash said. “No matter how old they get.”