I stood, pulled his hands from his head and wrapped his arms around me. “Stop! Stop.” I tried to keep my voice low. I pressed my cheek against his chest, making the subtle wheezing in his lungs more noticeable to me, and it worried me.
He looked down into my eyes, searching for something. “Are you set on OSU? The University of North Texas is not even an hour away from where I’ll be. It’s one of the largest public universities in the nation. Next year, we could find a place somewhere in the middle—”
I shook my head. “I’ve already been accepted. I haven’t even applied to UNT. The out-of-state tuition would be ridiculous.”
“Sam and Julianne are paying, remember? UNT is a great university that offers everything OSU offers. There’s not an Art Institute near Stillwater. Just apply, and—”
“I’m not going to gouge my parents, so I’ll be more conveniently located for you.”
“For me?” he said, incredulous.
“And now you’re talking about moving in together? In a year? I think I would have been more prepared for you to break up with me.”
Weston’s mouth fell open, and I winced with regret.
“I’ve wanted to go to OSU my entire life, Weston. Please try to understand that.”
“I’ve been in love with you my entire life.”
I sat on the couch and covered my face with my hands. After several moments of silence, I looked up at him. He hadn’t moved.
“What is this? An ultimatum? If I don’t go to UNT, what then?”
He sat next to me. “It’s not an ultimatum. I was hoping you’d be excited. You haven’t decided on a major. I just don’t see why you can’t go there instead. If you’re wanting to get out of Blackwell, I can promise you that you’ll run into a lot less people at UNT than you will at OSU.” When I didn’t respond, he continued, “Did you know that Brady’s going to OSU?”
“No, he’s not,” I said, shaking my head.
“The Becks are OSU alumni.”
“That doesn’t mean that he—”
“He’s going to OSU, Erin. He’s been accepted. He’s going. And I can’t protect you from him if I’m in Dallas.”
“It’s a big campus.”
“Erin—”
“No. You’re not going to scare me into doing what you want. I’m not afraid of him. I’ve never been afraid of him—or anyone.”
“Then, what’s the point? What does it matter if you leave Blackwell when you’ll be dealing with the same people?”
“It’s not high school. It’ll be different. I doubt I’ll ever see him.”
“Why are you being so stubborn about this?”
“I’m not being stubborn! It’s just something I want!”
“You’ve never even been to the goddamn campus, Erin! How do you know if that’s what you want?” he yelled. The veins in his neck were bulging from his reddened skin. He turned away from me. Then, he stood up and began pacing again with his fingers laced on top of his head.
“You loved me before you spent time with me. Sometimes, you just know.”
Weston turned and sat on the coffee table in front of me, leaning over and gripping my knees. “I am. I am so in love with you. I don’t want to be just a stop on your way out of here.”
“You’re not,” I said, a little too much desperation in my voice.
“No relationship will work if it’s not a priority. Definitely not a long-distance one. I’m afraid if it’s not easy, if it’s too much work, you’re going to call me one day and tell me it’s over. I need you to need me, Erin. If you don’t, you’re not invested enough to make this work.”
“Weston, are you listening to me? I’m telling you—”
“Everything but what I want to hear.”
I frowned. “You want a promise.”
“I could make that promise. Right here, tonight, I can promise you that I can make this work. I can promise that I won’t give up.”
I felt tears burning my eyes. “That’s like promising you won’t die or promising you’ll never hurt someone. Some things aren’t in our control. You can’t promise we’ll stay together because you don’t know how you’ll feel a year from now.”
“Yes, Erin. I can.” He watched me for a long time, and then his jaw tensed. “Is it me you don’t believe in? Or us?”
“A few months ago, you were in love with a different Erin.”
He glared at me. “You know that’s not true.”
“I’m not being difficult, Weston. I’m being realistic. I’m not trying to hurt you.”
“Then, promise you’ll try.”
“Of course I’ll try.”
He touched his forehead to mine, unsatisfied even with the words he’d asked me to say. “We don’t have much time left. I’m counting down the days until we pack up and drive in different directions. It feels permanent. I don’t know what’s going to happen a year from now, but I know I will never get over you. And I will do anything to keep from having to try.”
“Weston,” I whispered. I sucked in a breath. A tear spilled over and fell in a line down my cheek. “I can’t do this for you. I have to do this for me.”
His face compressed as if he were in pain, and he spoke in a begging tone, “I know we’re high school kids, and it’s crazy to feel this way, but college is four years of my future. The rest is all you.”
I took a deep breath and touched his cheeks with my hands. “One of these days, you’re going to be staring at my Oklahoma State degree on the wall in our house somewhere in Texas, and I’m going to remind you about our last week of high school and how worried you were over nothing.”
He laughed once without humor, and he looked so deeply into my eyes that my walls couldn’t keep him out. “That sounds a little like a promise.”
I bit my lip. “It’s a prediction.”
He looked down at the floor and then back up at me with a contrived smile. “I’ll take what I can get.”
Chapter Eight
I FROWNED as Julianne pinned the maroon graduation cap onto my head. It was square and awkward, and it didn’t make me feel accomplished at all.