Sarah reached for Mom’s hand and squeezed. “They’re perfect, right? And you and I are finally really family of a sort.” They laughed, neither of them noticing that neither Bailey nor I had said anything.
They were so high on the relationship cloud that they hadn’t noticed we were on shaky ground beneath them.
“Of course, we know the next year will be tough,” Sarah said, her eyes sympathetic as she turned to me.
“What?” I asked, bringing my fork back down to the plate as an ominous feeling settled in my gut.
“Mom,” Bailey hissed.
“What? I just mean that long distance relationships are tough. It doesn’t mean that you won’t thrive, but it’s going to be a challenge, of course.”
My eyes flickered between Bailey and Sarah.
“This isn’t dinner table conversation. It’s Thanksgiving. Let’s all say what we’re thankful for.”
“I’m thankful for turkey, and Maria!” Lettie chirped. “And my new fortress, and Daddy, and Bailey, and the new puppy I’m asking for Christmas!”
New puppy? My eyes flew to my daughter. “Puppy?”
“I’ll settle for a bunny. They’re fluffy,” she said with a shrug.
I traveled too much for a pet. Jesus. Bailey wanted a baby. Lettie wanted a puppy. Didn’t anyone want something I could give them?
“Gage?” Sarah asked with a smile.
I looked past my daughter to where Bailey looked at the table. “I’m thankful for my family. For Lettie, and you, Bailey.”
Her eyes flew to mine but dropped again. Something was off, and I hated not knowing what it was. As soon as dinner was over I was going to get it out of her no matter what.
“Well, I’m thankful to finally see my son happy,” mom said. “I’ve been so worried for so long, and to see you now so..plete, just moves me. All I’ve ever wanted for you is happiness, and it’s all I’m grateful for this year.”
Tears came to her eyes, and she blinked them away rapidly. “Thanks, Mom,” I said. She’d been my rock when Helen left, helping me with Lettie and my recovery until Bailey had come home after graduating with her Masters.
“Mom?” Bailey prompted.
Sarah beamed with pride. “I’m so thankful you’re following your dreams, sweetheart!” Her smile was a mile wide, and that pit that had been in my stomach opened up anew. “That you’ve been accepted to that gallery management internship in Paris! I can’t wait to come visit you next month!”
The ground fell out from under me. My stomach dropped to the nonexistent floor, and my head swam. Paris. Gallery management. Leaving.
Bailey had always had two dreams, and now that I’d denied her number one, she was going for number two. I couldn’t blame her.
But I sure as fuck could blame myself.
My daughter and I weren’t enough of a family for her.
And I wasn’t enough to make her stay.
Funny how the past repeated itself.
Chapter 16
Bailey
“One more time?” Lettie asked me the moment I’d shut Peter Rabbit. I smiled down at her, unable to resist those big, begging blue eyes of hers.
“All right,” I said and kissed her forehead. I cracked open the worn board book. “Just one more time, then you really need to go to sleep.”
She grinned triumphantly and again I read the story I could recite in my sleep.
After two more times, she’d finally gotten sleepy enough to let me leave, and I’d shut her door gently after turning out her light.
My heart was heavy—as it had been all week—as I walked away from her room. I’d been spending as much time with her as possible, wanting to savor every moment I could.
On the opposite side, I’d been practically tiptoeing around her father—dodging him between practices, making sure he was taken care of without actually being present, and changing the subject anytime he caught me in the hallway and tried to mend the space between us.
I didn’t see what there was to talk about. Yes, I hadn’t wanted my mother to drop the news about the Paris internship at the Thanksgiving dinner table, but it didn’t give him the right to act like I’d betrayed him. He was the one who had always pressured me to strive for more with my artistic goals, and now I had.
Of course, I would’ve given that up for him in a second if he’d given me one good reason.
I yanked my hair out of the tight top-knot I’d had it in as I pushed through the door to my room. I froze with my fingers in my hair.
Gage’s massive frame took up half my bed as he sat perched on the edge, his elbows on his knees. He shrugged at my opened mouth stare. “You can’t avoid me in here.”
In reality, I couldn’t avoid him anywhere—he was constantly on my mind and in my heart. It didn’t change things, though. I swallowed the hurt in my throat and popped a hand on my hip. “Something on your mind?”
“You know there is,” he said, his eyes trailing my body up and down in a slow, hungry graze.
Flames licked my skin from the look. It had been a couple weeks since we’d made love, and it felt like a damn eternity. I’d never had anything as elemental, or powerful as I’d had with Gage, and I knew everything in the future would pale in comparison.
Once again the epic battle between my heart and mind played out in my head. Maybe Lettie and Gage were enough. Maybe I didn’t have to take the internship and pine over a baby that was never a possibility. Maybe---
“Bailey,” Gage said, my name a sigh on his lips as he stood up.
Warm chills danced along my spine as he took the few steps that separated us. I arched my head to meet his eyes—he was so tall—but I didn’t reach out to him.
“I---“
“Lettie has been working hard in her studio,” I cut him off, stepping around him to stand in front of my vanity. I took off my small earrings more to give my hands something to do than anything. I didn’t trust myself with Gage, here in my room, the energy between us as hot and electric as ever. It made me want to toss everything else that mattered to me in the trash and just let him take me.
“Secret project.”
I turned around, tilting my head at him.
He raised his hand and shook his head. “I’m sworn to secrecy.”