His insistence on protecting me like I was some unknowing child filled me with frustration. I just didn’t know if I could be that kind of girlfriend and someday, wife. Sighing, I shook my head. “Why do you think I always need protecting? I’m not a little girl, Tristan. I’m a grown woman who knows the man I love. Do you think I don’t understand people at your level?”
“It’s not like that and you know it. This has nothing to do with social class. It has to do with me protecting the woman I love, Nina. Why is that so bad?”
“Because it gives you carte blanche to lie to me! We just spent all those months apart and now you’re telling me you can’t promise you won’t continue to lie. How can we be together like that?”
He sat up and leaned against the headboard, pushing the hair out of his eyes. “Nina, I can’t change who I am in this. I’m not the bad guy because I won’t dump all the shit in my world on you. Most women want a man to protect them.”
“From bad guys and people wanting to kill them. Not from everything else. I just want you to say to me that you’ll treat me like a full partner in this relationship and not some second class citizen who’s forced to react when you make decisions and I have to deal with them.”
“This is about me leaving you alone for months.”
My mouth fell open. “Of course it’s about that! You left me here, all alone, and never once answered any of my messages. All those times when I was missing you so much all I wanted to do was curl up in bed with one of your shirts, I texted you and waited for you to answer but you never did.”
“I couldn’t answer, Nina. I was trying to protect you.”
“Again with the protecting me! Would it have been any less protection for me if I was with you, wherever you were, so you could keep me safe and not break my heart?”
I tried to stop the tears from coming, but it was no use. After the sweetness of our reunion the night before, the reality of how much he’d hurt me was right there in front of us in the harsh light of day. I couldn’t go on with Tristan if our life together was going to be like this.
He took my hand and squeezed it gently. “I know I keep making these mistakes. That you’ve stayed with me this long still amazes me. I hate that what I do makes you sad. I just don’t know any other way to be.”
Wiping the tears away, I looked at him sitting there, his beautiful eyes so full of sadness. There had to be some way to make him see what I meant. “I love that you want to protect me. If there’s ever a time that someone’s trying to mug me or kidnap me, I want you to jump in and rescue me. But you’re not keeping me safe when you leave me in the dark. I sat in that house surrounded by people and barely alive because I missed you so much. You left me and I didn’t know why. Was it me? I didn’t know. It doesn’t matter if I have bodyguards if you’re the one who keeps hurting me by breaking my heart.”
“I’m sorry. I never meant to do that. I did what I thought would keep you safe, but now I see that I’m the one who was hurting you the most. I’m sorry, Nina.”
He looked away, but I gently tugged his face back toward me. “I just need you to promise you’ll protect me from the bad guys but still tell me about things. I want to be your wife, not some childish girl you keep around.”
Closing his eyes, he said quietly, “I promise. No more keeping things from you.” He opened them and stared into mine with a gaze so direct I feared what he might say next. “I lied and hid things out of fear that if you knew about them, you’d never stay with me. I just want you to know that I come with a lot of fucked up shit. I didn’t know if you’d want to be my wife knowing all of it.”
I cradled his face and pressed my forehead to his. “I know what you are, Tristan Stone. No matter what bad things you think you have inside you, I know the man you are is good and kind. I love you, and that means all of you. The good, the bad, and the ugly.”
He nodded and for the first time in our conversation, smiled. “I love you. I always have, Nina. From that first night we drove up the Taconic, you’ve been the one person I knew I couldn’t deal with losing.”
“You’re not going to lose me, Tristan. I promise.”
He leaned back away from me, and I saw the icy veil he wore so often descend over his features. “So what things do you have to tell me?”
“What’s that face for?” I teased, nervous about what I had to tell him.
“I’m just wondering what else you have to say.”
He wasn’t stupid. He knew I had something to confess in addition to everything else we’d already talked about. It was probably written all over my face. Swallowing hard, I said, “Just one more thing. About that kiss with Gage…”