A sharpness crept into my voice that I hadn’t intended, but I couldn’t deny what lived in my heart. I wanted to repair my relationship with Kim, but that wasn’t going to happen with just one dinner and it wasn’t going to happen with me forgetting everything she’d done.
The mention of Tristan’s name elicited a forced smile from her, and I instantly knew she was still struggling like I was. Maybe that wasn’t such a bad thing. Whatever we were going to end up being to one another, I wanted it based on truth.
“It was very nice. I just wish there hadn’t been a reason for us being there in the first place.”
I knew what she was saying—that Tristan was to blame for a fucking madman being in our lives. Instinctively, I defended the man I loved. “Karl wasn’t interested in you because of Tristan, Kim. He thought you had something he wanted because of Daddy. It had nothing to do with Tristan, in fact, so I don’t appreciate your insinuation that he was to blame for any of this.”
A waiter interrupted our conversation, and I quietly ordered the first dish I saw on the menu, not even sure I was in the mood for a roasted vegetable panini. Not that it mattered. I had a feeling I wasn’t going to have much of an appetite tonight.
When we were alone again, a heavy silence settled in between us. I had to admit once again that she hadn’t contacted me because she wanted to wish me well or to see if I was happy. As always, Kim had sought me out to be a damper on my life. I felt sad that once again our relationship wasn’t going to change.
Unlike every other time I’d accepted that reality, this time I wanted to know why. Why was my happiness a thing she always had to crush?
“Nina, when Daddy died, I promised myself that I’d watch out for you. I know I haven’t done a wonderful job, but I tried.”
Kim sat there across the table from me wearing some kind of martyr expression, as if she’d struggled so long with me only to be disappointed in the results of her efforts. I wanted to smack that look off her face. How dare she! I’d never been the one who sabotaged her happiness. Never once had I been a hassle asking her for money or to bail me out of trouble. I’d lived my life my way and respected her for living hers the way she wanted to. Why was she acting like I’d been some kind of cross for her to bear?
“What are you talking about, Kim? I didn’t need anyone to watch out for me. Why do you make it sound like I’ve been one problem after another for you?” I asked, feeling the defensiveness rising inside me.
She took a sip of her water and swallowed hard. “Daddy always spoiled you. I told him not to, that it was going to make things harder for you when you became an adult, but he never listened. I think he felt guilty about not finding another woman to help as you were growing up, so he gave you whatever you wanted. It would have been better if he had remarried.”
“What the hell does that mean? I had nothing to do with him not marrying again. And Daddy didn’t spoil me, unless you call making sure we had a warm place to live and I had clothes on my back spoiling someone.”
“That’s not the type of spoiling I mean. What I’m talking about is the way he took care of everything for you. You think that’s the way it’s supposed to be because that’s the way you always had it with him.”
I wasn’t sure where Kim was going with all this, but I wasn’t liking any of it. And I wasn’t liking the way she was dancing around her true intentions. “Just say what you want to say, Kim. Don’t blame Daddy if you’re jealous of whatever the hell you’re jealous of.”
Gritting her teeth, she said, “This isn’t about me being jealous, Nina. It’s about our father not preparing you for the world and allowing you to be naïve for too long.”
That was it. I was done. Leaning across the table, I pointed my finger at her face. “I’m not going to take this anymore from you. You’re jealous because I’m not a miserable bitch full of mistrust. I’m sorry you’re like that, Kim. I really am. But I didn’t make you that way and nothing I do can change who you are. That’s on you. I simply won’t be the person you dump all your shit on anymore. Don’t bother calling me again. I met you tonight because I knew it was what Daddy would want. To be honest, I hoped that we could finally change the vicious cycle our relationship has always been in, but it’s obvious that’s not going to happen, so don’t contact me again.”
As I stood to leave, she grabbed my arm to hold me back. “Don’t leave. I need to tell you something. Whatever happens after that, at least I can know that I tried and didn’t let Daddy down.”