His brows furrowed. “And how many times have you been deeply committed to someone?”
She refused to meet his expectant gaze. “Once,” she whispered.
“Holy shit.” He shook his head. “That’s unbelievable.”
Emma snapped her gaze up to meet his. “I’m sure it’s hard for you to comprehend anyone who doesn’t bang everything that moves! But I don’t play that game. And yes, I was twenty when I lost my virginity to a guy I’d been dating for over a year who later became my fiancée.”
“I didn’t realize you were divorced.”
“I’m not. He got killed in a car accident six months before we were supposed to get married.” Emma fought the deluge of emotions that arose from Travis’s memory. Regret was there as much as grief. How many times had she tortured herself for pushing their wedding date back? At the time, she thought she was being practical and sensible. She wanted to finish college, and then she wanted him to get half-way through medical school. That’s how she had met Casey. Her boyfriend, Nate, and Travis were best friends at Emory.
Aidan brought her out of her thoughts. Grimacing, he said, “Jesus, Em, I’m sorry.”
“Thank you,” she murmured.
“How long ago was it?”
“Four years.”
He choked on the beer he had just guzzled. After he recovered from a coughing fit, he asked, “You haven’t have sex in four years?”
“No,” she whispered, running her finger along one of the deep grooves in the table’s wood. She hated herself for admitting it to Aidan, but he had to understand why his proposition was so absurd. Even though her need for a baby was desperate, it wasn’t desperate enough to warrant having casual sex with a notorious womanizer. Or was it…
“Fuck me,” he murmured. “How do you stand it?”
Emma narrowed her eyes at his incredulous expression. “When the last four years of your life have been a living hell, sex doesn’t really rank high on your list of priorities.”
Aidan furrowed his brows. “What do you mean?”
She stared down at the napkin, which now lay shredded in her lap, and tried to keep her emotions in check. The last thing she wanted to do was become hysterical in front of him for the second time that evening. “After Travis, my fiancée, was killed, I just shut down for a year. I guess you could say I was like a zombie. I got up, went to work, and came home. Then just as I started to see sunlight again, my mom was diagnosed with cancer. She was my whole world, and for eighteen months, my entire life was consumed with taking care of her.” Tears blurred her eyes. “And then she just slipped away.”
At the sight of Aidan’s stricken expression, Emma gave a nervous laugh. “I can only imagine right now you’re wishing you’d never asked me out for a drink, least of all propositioned me.”
“That’s not what I was thinking at all.”
“Oh really now?”
“If you must know, I was thinking more about how I’ve never met a woman like you before.”
“Is there supposed to be a compliment in there?”
“Of course there is. I’m not that big of an ass**le, you know.” After she rolled her eyes skeptically, he took her hand in his. “You’re like a paradox to me. One minute you’re like this fragile flower and the next you’re tough as unflinching steel.”
Emma couldn’t keep her mouth from gaping open. “I can’t believe you just said something that deep and sensitive.”
“I have my moments,” he replied, with a grin.
“By all means, please try to have more of them.”
Aidan’s jovial expression turned serious. “I’m truly sorry about everything you’ve been through in the last few years. No one should have to endure so much and do it alone.”
“Thank you,” she murmured, as she tried not to stare at him like he had suddenly grown horns. Was it actually possible that underneath his self-centered persona there was actually a good heart? One that truly cared about all she had been through?
“And I’m also sorry about giving you such a hard time about the sex thing. It’s quite refreshing to meet a woman with old fashioned ideals.”
“You’re serious?”
Aidan gave Emma a sheepish grin. “Yes, I am. It’s also nice to know that you’re very public rejection at the Christmas party wasn’t just about me but more about your personal beliefs.”
“Honestly, could you be more egotistical?” Emma replied, but she couldn’t help smiling at him.
“All joking aside, I can see why you want to have baby.”
“Oh you can?”
He nodded. “You’ve had so much death and loss that you just want a little life in you.” He squeezed her hand. “Right?”
Emma sucked in a raspy breath as his words reverberated through her. How was it possible for someone like Aidan to tap into the very heart of her emotions when even Casey sometimes didn’t understand her deep desire for motherhood? “Yes,” she murmured.
“Then let me give you that. Let me give you a baby.”
She fought the urge to pinch herself at the absurdity of the situation. How had she gone from being an emotional wreck at the baby shower to having a man offering to fulfill her wildest dreams? The rational side of mind her railed against her heart. “Do you have any idea how crazy this sounds? I don’t even know you! Why are you even offering up a part of yourself to me of all people?”
“I already told you why.”
Emma gave a frustrated sniff. “So you can sleep with me. That’s your only motivation?”
He gave her a crooked grin. “You vastly underestimate your allure and sex appeal.”
“If I’m going to even begin to take you seriously, you’re going to have to give me a better reason than that.”
Aidan squirmed a little in his chair and cleared his throat before replying. “Well, there is another reason…”
“And?”
He scowled at her. “Okay, fine. I promised my mother when she was dying of cancer that I would have children some day. This way, I figure I can keep my promise with the least amount of commitment necessary.”
Although he tried to hide it, Emma could see the pain simmering in Aidan’s eyes. It was obvious how much he loved his late mother. “I’m very sorry about your mother,” she murmured.