I said hello to the few faces I recognized on the floor as I made my way to the elevator. My mind was in a daze of some sort as I punched in the number.
I felt the strangest sensation overcome me as I stood there waiting for it to come and before I turned around I knew who was going to be there.
I almost dropped the handful of samples I was carrying when I caught sight of him. How did my body know to react to his mere presence? He was walking beside a very well put together middle-aged woman towards the editing department which I’d just left as I stood at the lifts.
The two of them seemed engrossed in whatever it was they were discussing and he didn’t even see me, but I felt my heart take flight and my pulse began to race. It’s as if I’d been starved for the sight of him, and with that one glimpse of his perfection, I felt a weight lifted.
Suddenly he stopped in his tracks and turned and looked dead at me as if he’d somehow felt my stare. I felt like Bambi caught in the headlights as I stood there staring back. My face was probably giving away my every thought though the look only lasted a few seconds.
When he turned back around as if he hadn’t recognized me I could’ve died on the spot. It took me a minute to realize that I’d taken a step towards him before he’d turned away. I looked over my shoulder quickly to make sure no one else had seen my embarrassing mistake.
I’d spent the past week dreaming about him. At night when I was too tired to do anything else because I was too drained from my running around, I would fall into bed utterly exhausted only to fall asleep to dreams of him. He was always loving and kind in those dreams, the way he had been the one time we’d met, only sometimes he’d take me in his arms and tell me how beautiful I was and I’d melt.
The man who just looked right through me wouldn’t be doing that anytime soon. The stupid tears almost won but I gave myself a brisk talking to and reminded myself of why I was here. I hadn’t come here to get my heart trampled on so it was better that I put all thoughts of him out of my head. My foolish girl heart will just have to go on, granted I can get over feeling like a complete fool.
***
I was deflated and a little out of sorts by the time I made it back upstairs, so wasn’t too happy to see him still there. Not to mention the fact that he looked even better than I remembered.
The suit he wore fit his body as though it had been made for him, and the way he carried himself, shoulders straight and that air of command about him.
It was all too much and I felt like crying again. When I wasn’t mooning over him, it seems I was crying for the loss of something that was never mine to begin with. I tried to make myself as unobtrusive as possible so as not to bring attention to me.
If not for aunt Marion’s volatile mood swings I would’ve headed back the way I came until the coast was clear, but she might call out to me or reprimand me in some way if I tried that, so instead I tried to wait them out by standing back out of the way. I can get to my cubicle after they were gone; then again I was supposed to tell aunt Marion when I got back so she could tell me what’s next on the agenda.
Crap, what should I do? in the end there was only one thing to do. It wasn’t as though we’d shared anything with each other; everything that happened between us took place in my head.
It was silly to hide back here, unless I was planning on making a fool of myself and throwing my poor unfortunate body at his feet. I almost snickered at the image that formed in my head, and then for some unfathomable reason I blushed. What was that about? Yet another thing for me to take out later and ponder I guess.
The woman he’d been talking to was saying something to aunt Marion when I walked in, to tell her that I’d finished the task. I kept my head down, as I stood uncertainly in the doorway not sure which move to make now that I was here. When I finally came to my senses and decided it was probably best if I just left now and come back when they were done, it was too late.
“Well Marion, what have we here? You’ve been holding out on me old friend.” The woman came towards me walked around me, studying me like I’d seen men do to daddy’s prized bull stud. I just about peed on myself in anxiety, there I was trying hard not to bring attention to myself and she had made me the center of attention.
I didn’t even bother looking at Callan to see what he thought of this spectacle, I’m sure he too must be embarrassed. Who was she anyway and why was she pawing at me?
“Turn around here child let me see you. Yes indeed she’d do perfectly.” Perfectly for what, was she sending me out to market?
“Oh Paulette you can’t be serious, she’s too green for that, and besides, she’s not interested, she wants to be an actress.”