‘It’s like falling and flying at the same time.’ He shakes his head and then waves it off. ‘Sorry, that was a bad analogy. Let me try that again.’ He mulls over it for a minute, gazing off, a smile forming before he clears his throat and returns his concentration to me. ‘You know I can actually remember that exact moment I did fall in love. It was so crazy too, because it was like one second I was in the really-like phase and then suddenly I was fucking in love, like super, crazy, out-of-my mind in love.’
‘So it just happened?’ I ask skeptically. ‘There was no warning at all.’
He shrugs. ‘Maybe for some people there’s a warning, but not me.’
I bring my knee up and rest my chin on it. ‘Were you scared?’
His eyes widen and he nods. ‘Heck, yeah, I was terrified out of my mind, but in this really good way, you know. But that’s because Seth made me feel good. Every time I was with him I was the best version of me and I was happy and felt so fucking content in life. More than I ever had.’ He pauses, growing reluctant. ‘Can I ask why you’re asking this?’
‘I’m not sure yet.’ I glance at the clock on the dashboard and ignore the voice inside my head that’s telling me that I do know why I’m asking this. ‘I should get going.’ I grab my bag and open the door, about to climb out into the rain, but then pause. ‘Thanks for sharing your story, though,’ I tell him. I’m not sure if it was hard for him or not, but I want him to know that I’m grateful.
He smiles as he sits back in his seat. ‘Any time. It’s fun to remember anyway. It was a good moment in my life that should never be forgotten.’
His smile is contagious and I end up stepping out into the rain looking so happy that people I pass by probably think I’m high. And I try to carry the feeling with me as I make my way to the Lana’s office, knowing I’m probably going to need it when I get there.
Two hours later, I’m in the backseat of Seth’s car with him, Greyson and Callie, headed to the game, but my thoughts are elsewhere. The therapy session went okay. We didn’t get into anything too deep, just talked about my life now and how I feel about it, albeit the feeling part was hard and I didn’t verbalize it so great. Then we chatted a little about my parents, mostly just remembering what little things I could, which made me both sad and happy. The only thing that was really hard to deal with was when I told her about the dreams I’ve been having about the cemetery. When she asked me if I’d ever been to visit them, I’d shook my head and then she’s suggested that maybe one day I go. As if it was as simple as plucking a leaf off a tree. I told her I’d think about it, which I am, but not in the calming way she suggested. My mind is all over the place, thoughts floating around in my head like ping pong balls. My parents. The cemetery. My feelings. Luke. My parents. My feelings.
I swear my brain is about to short-circuit. The thing that pulls me back to reality is when my phone starts ringing from inside the pocket of my leather jacket. I take it out and see an unknown number, which makes me hesitate before I answer. I’m guessing it’s either a reporter or Preston, and plan on hanging up right away, but it’s not. It’s Detective Stephner.
‘So I have some good news and some maybe bad news, depending on how you look at it,’ he says after I answer.
I glance around the car, glad to see that Seth, Greyson and Callie appear to be engaging in a very intense conversation about football. ‘Okay, I’m listening.’
‘Well the trial is going to be starting soon,’ he says. ‘Which means things are moving forward.’
I face the window, trying to keep the conversation as private as I can. ‘But she still hasn’t said who the other person was?’
‘No, not yet, but I wanted to give you a heads up that, for one, there’s a chance that her lawyer might try to plea insanity.’
‘For some reason, I’m not surprised,’ I mutter, then sigh, not sure how I feel about it. ‘Was that the good or bad news?’
‘I’m not sure,’ he replies, then sighs to himself. ‘I don’t know, maybe I just have so-so news.’
I frown. ‘So what’s the rest of it?’
‘That if we go to trial they might call you up on stand,’ he explains. ‘And Mira will be there when it happens.’
I glance down at my cast, which will be off in two more weeks. ‘I’m not sure I can do that. My arm’s still in a freaking cast for God sakes.’
‘Violet, we already talked about this,’ he says. ‘It’ll be easier than the first time, seeing her, I mean. She’ll be under more control.’
‘How is that easier?’ I snap. ‘She’ll still be there.’
‘You’re a strong girl, Violet Hayes,’ he tells me, not really answering my question. ‘I know you can do this if needed.’
‘A lot of people would disagree with that statement.’
‘I’m a detective. I see more than most people.’
I’m not sure what to do with this or if there’s anything I can do but accept it. I close my eyes and picture the photo I found last night. That’s what I’m doing this for, right? ‘Okay, I’ll do it if I need to.’
‘Good girl.’ He pauses and I open my eyes. ‘Have you talked to Luke at all?’
‘I talk to him every day,’ I say, warily. ‘Why? You going somewhere with this or just being your annoying self.’
‘Maybe I’m going somewhere with this.’ He’s speaking in code.
I catch Greyson glancing over his shoulder at me with an inquisitive look so I turn toward the door as much as the seatbelt will let me. ‘Just spit it out, whatever it is.’
‘Watch it Violet,’ the detective warns. ‘Remember who you’re talking to.’
‘Yeah, the guy who wears Christmas ties on Halloween,’ I reply dryly. ‘Clearly I need to be careful.’
He sighs and I know he’s going to drop it. ‘Look, I just wanted to say that you should probably make sure you and Luke are communicating since I’m guessing he’s going to be called in too – he might of already.’
‘He has?’ I ask. Well that’s news to me.
‘Maybe …’ One, two, three seconds tick by. ‘It might have been a call to defend.’
I rest my head against the cool glass and shut my eyes as my chest constricts and sucks the air out of my lungs. Why didn’t he tell me? ‘Did he agree?’