“I know . . .”
Ryder stared at the wood in her chest. She’d been in on the plan to take him out. Not the leader, he sensed that, so maybe one of the broken vamps behind him had planned everything. But Julia . . . she’d known.
And she wasn’t fighting death.
It would be so easy to take her out.
But Sabine was touching the back of his shoulder. Gentle fingertips. Sabine . . . who also hadn’t known exactly what she was getting into when she became a vampire.
Ryder hadn’t been given a choice.
He’d just woken to bloodlust. A new life.
Julia . . . he remembered her story. She’d been attacked by a vampire. Raped. Bled nearly dry. But then that vamp had transformed her.
That vamp . . .
“I killed him,” Ryder said as his fingers slid away from the wood. “I killed the vampire who made you.” And she’d still come after him?
Julia laughed. The wood shifted deeper. Blood trickled from her lips. “Judge . . . jury . . . executioner. You’re the vampire . . . l-law.”
He tried to be. They needed law. They needed—
“Why didn’t you . . . stop him . . . sooner? Why didn’t . . . you . . . save me?”
And that was it. That was f**king it. She blamed him for not killing Moses, the vamp who’d attacked her and four other coeds in Mississippi.
Shame hit him then. Yes, he could see what she meant. Every vampire . . . they all come back to me. If he’d never bit Malcolm, never learned to spread this f**king curse, then monsters like Moses wouldn’t have preyed on the humans.
Julia would still be human.
Ryder rocked back, stood, and stepped away from her.
Hundreds, thousands of others would still be alive.
If I’d just died.
“I’m . . . gonna be free . . .” Julia whispered. Her gaze came back to Ryder. “You . . . won’t be . . . Retribution . . . coming.”
Then her fingers lifted.
Too late, Ryder realized what she was doing.
He reached for her.
But Julia had already shoved the wood deep into her heart.
She died with a smile on her face.
Ryder’s fingers were around hers. He yanked the wood free from her chest. Tossed it aside.
Then his fist slammed into the floor near her body. Again and again and again, he beat the floor.
All because of me. Everything. All the death and pain. “My f**king fault,” he snarled, and Ryder leapt back to his feet.
He grabbed the nearest table. Smashed it. Hurled chairs. Threw glasses.
So many deaths. On him.
Every f**king one. It all went back to him.
“Someone needs some chill time.” Grayson’s tense voice.
He’d made Grayson into a monster. Found him on a battlefield. Moments away from death. A hero’s death.
He’d turned the guy into a killer instead.
Ryder whirled and grabbed Grayson by the throat. “You didn’t want this life.”
Grayson’s eyes widened. “You . . . don’t see me . . . complaining, do you?” He gasped out the words.
“Ryder, stop!” Sabine.
Sounding more furious than he’d ever heard her before.
He dropped Grayson.
“Definite chill time,” the guy muttered as he began to edge toward the back door.
Ryder turned away from him. Faced Sabine. She had her hand at her throat. Over the damn bite the bastard had given her.
Ryder took a step toward her. Almost slipped and fell in the blood. So much blood.
And she saw me do this? No wonder she’s afraid. She’ll always be afraid of me.
And he’d always need her. Would never be able to let her go.
He laughed. Wasn’t that just a bitch? He really was the monster. Sabine had been right about him from the beginning. He’d always thought Malcolm was the one with no control. The one who’d brought hell, but all along . . .
It was me.
“She was wrong,” Sabine whispered. Her hand dropped. The wounds were still on her throat. Seeing them just made his fury deepen.
His hands clenched into fists. He wanted to rip this whole f**king place down. “Get out.” He backed away from her.
She blinked. “Ryder?”
“I don’t want . . . to . . . hurt you.” Because he was too wild. Too uncontrolled.
Too much of a killer.
The evidence was all around him.
But Sabine didn’t walk away. She walked toward him. Grabbed his arms and shook him. “Look at me.”
He didn’t want to see the fear in her eyes.
“She was wrong, Ryder. Do you hear me? Wrong. Yes, she was pissed and hurt, and she got a terrible, terrible hand dealt to her in this life . . . but what happened to her, the change, it wasn’t your fault.”