“I know he’s very tall, Sabine,” I whispered back when she didn’t go on.
“Well, he would bend low to kiss… er, my neck. And then… then, one night he pulled me into his arms when he got in bed with me and I was terrified he was going to… you know.”
I nodded again and held her hand tight. “I know.”
She leaned further into me. “But he didn’t. He just held me. And I… I… slept with him like that.” Her eyes grew round. “Like a baby.”
I smiled. “This is good.”
“I… is it?” she asked hesitantly.
“Yes,” I answered without any hesitation at all. “Has he continued to –?”
She nodded. “Yes, every night, he holds me. But… um… the other night… er…” her eyes slid away and she went quiet.
“Sabine, you can tell me,” I whispered and her eyes came back to me, her face now aflame.
“He touched me,” she whispered reverently, her eyes warming, she leaned in and went on quickly. “He was holding me then he turned my back to him and his hands moved on me and they did this awhile, soothingly, then I relaxed because it felt rather… nice and then he started using them in ways… such ways…” the look in her gaze drifted faraway and a small smile played at her lips as she breathed, “such ways.”
Well, good for Zahnin. Well done warrior!
I squeezed her hand and her focus came back to me then I stated, “It was good.”
Her eyes got huge. “No, Circe, it was beautiful.”
All right! Zahnin was definitely the man!
“Then this is definitely good,” I informed her and her face fell. I felt my brows draw together and I asked carefully, “It isn’t good?”
She shook her head, looked to the side and said softly. “He hurt me.”
Oh man.
“Yes, he did,” I confirmed softly back and her eyes again came to me.
“But I want it again,” she breathed her admission and I blinked but she carried on. “He just hasn’t… done it again and I don’t know how to… er… ask him to.”
I stifled a giggle, released my hold on her but lifted both hands to cup her jaw and I dipped my face to hers.
“Okay, then, my sweet girl, I will give you my advice. If you want this, if you know in your heart you want this change, then my guess is, your husband has shown you a hint of the beauty he wishes to give you. Now that he has done that, he is waiting for you to give him a sign that you liked it and wish for him to give more.” I actually felt her face heat under my hands but kept talking. “So, the next time he kisses your forehead, tilt your head back so he will instead kiss your lips.” I watched close up as her eyes got wide again and carried on. “Or, if you have the courage, touch him as he holds you when you’re in bed. All you’ll have to do is glide your hand across his chest or find his and move it to your body. He will take your hint and then your part will be done and he will lead the way.”
She stared up at me and whispered, “I… Circe, I don’t know if I can do that.”
I smiled at her. “You can, Sabine, if you want what he can give you and I promise you,” my hands tightened on her jaw, “you have my word that, since he knows how to give you the gift he’s already given you, he knows other ways, better ways to give it to you again. And if you liked what he’s already shared, I promise, you will like even more the bounties he has yet to offer.”
“Really?” she breathed, clearly astonished but liking that idea.
“Oh yeah,” I whispered.
She studied me and whispered back, “Claudine says that you enjoy, er… this, um… greatly and, er… often with our Dax.”
“Oh yeah,” I repeated, dropping my hands but capturing both of hers. Then I told her, “You know what happened to you is the way of the Korwahk and I do not condone it. This does not happen in my land either. I endured the same as you and I didn’t like it any more than you did. I did not endure it for as long, but I endured it. What I do know is that your husband is a proud warrior and he wanted your happiness enough to put his pride aside and ask for my assistance in helping you settle in your new life, with him, in your cham. This was not an easy thing for him to do, but he did it.” I squeezed her hands. “For you.” She pulled in her lips and I finished. “He did what he did because he knows no other way. This is not an excuse, it is simply the truth. He does what he does now, and what he has been doing these past weeks since he brought Diandra and me to you, because he cares for you and wants your happiness. I would try to focus on that instead of the path you took to get here and my hope is, my friend, that he will continue to show you tenderness and work for your happiness. And I care for you enough to wish that for you in your life with him and tell you this as the truth I believe it is and not lie to you in the hopes that you will simply find a way to tolerate a cruel life that was forced on you.”
Her eyes filled with tears, her teeth bit her lip and she nodded before she said softly, “I believe you, Circe.”
I nodded back and gave her another squeeze of her hands.
Then I shared one last thing, for her and for Zahnin, “Zahnin told me when he saw you in the parade, he knew you were the only one for him.” I watched her face go soft as this surprising compliment penetrated and I continued sharing. “Lahn told me that when he claimed me, even in the moonlight, he saw my spirit shining in my eyes and it was the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen. To me, he was raping me. To him, he was receiving a gift he’d treasure always. This is a contradiction that it is difficult to come to terms with and although it does not heal the pain we felt, a memory seared into our brains, the terror we experienced, I cannot say it does not provide just enough balm to allow me to live with it.”
She licked her lips, nodded and squeezed my hands.
So I concluded. “Find a way to forgive him, sweet Sabine, and he will reward you. I promise.”
“I hope so,” she whispered.
“I do too,” I agreed.
She grinned at me, it was tentative but it was still hopeful. I grinned back.
Then I turned us toward the stalls lined in front of us, wrapped my arm around her waist and she mine, and that way we walked back to our posse.
I searched for Teetru and found her holding folded bolts of material, my gold shimming grandly against five other fabrics in different colors that were pretty but nowhere near as luxurious. She was standing at the side of a stall that had a table that held nothing but a sparkling array of bangles. I let Sabine go and moved to her to see her finger extended, timidly touching a silver bangle that sparkled with inset blue stones.