As she worked, she started talking. “Rolland was everything my father approved of—successful, well established.” The words crowded to her mouth as if they’d been waiting for release.
“Older and sickly?” he added.
“He was twenty-five years older than me. I don’t think Father knew his health was failing at the time we married.”
Blue carefully marked the dimensions on the piece of wood then straightened to consider her. “Would it have made a difference?”
“I don’t know.” It didn’t seem Father would be concerned for Clara’s sake. But he might have seen it as failure on his part.
Blue still held the tape and pulled it through his fingers in a distracted manner. “Clara, he was everything your father wanted, but what did you want?”
She twined her fingers together as she considered her answer. She knew what she wanted, but would he misunderstand? He waited patiently, giving her all the time she needed to sort out her thoughts. This unhurried way about him was one of the things she admired and appreciated.
“What I wanted and still want is what Linette and Jayne and the other women at the ranch have.”
He dropped the tape measure to the piece of wood and leaned back, his gaze probing hers, seeking truth. “What is that?”
“Freedom to be who they are capable of being.”
He nodded. “It’s what you are trying to discover, and I believe you will. In fact, I believe you are very close to it.”
She blinked at his response. He didn’t try to reason her out of what she wanted. Didn’t even offer to take care of her so she wouldn’t need to do it herself. Yet she knew he’d help her as much as she’d let him. He was a man who would—
She managed to stop her thought before it finished. Before she could admit he was the kind of man who might honor her abilities like Eddie and Seth and the other husbands she’d seen at the Eden Valley Ranch.
But had he not suggested she stay at the ranch where others could help look after her? Was she longing for something out of her reach, even believing she’d found it where it didn’t exist? Blue confused her. Made her think one thing and want another. How did he do that? Why did she allow it? She had so many questions about this man. Perhaps if they were answered, she’d better understand her own response and be able to control it.
“What was your wife like?”
He looked past her, into his memories it seemed. A gentle smile curved his lips. “You would have liked Alice. She wasn’t afraid of challenges. We packed all our belongings in a wagon and left Texas for Wyoming when she was already expecting Nancy. I suggested we wait until after the baby was born.” He chuckled softly. “She got all huffy and said she would deliver this baby in our new home, and she did.”
Amusement tickled Clara’s insides. “You poor man. How do you manage to get involved with stubborn women?” She hoped he wouldn’t be offended that she had innocently aligned herself with his wife.
He quirked an eyebrow and sought her gaze. “Just fortunate I guess.” He looked pleased with himself.
Clara ducked her head, afraid of the answering pleasure in her heart and uncertain how he’d interpret what he saw in her eyes.
To avoid further talk of his wife, she changed the topic to her children. “Eleanor was a quiet baby. She’d regard me with big solemn eyes as she nursed. I often felt overwhelmed at the trust she had in me.”
“And Libby?”
Clara laughed. “She always had definite ideas of what she wanted even as a tiny baby. She did not like to wait to be fed. The nanny thought I spoiled her by feeding her when she wanted it.”
“I hadn’t thought about it, but of course you had a nurse for them.”
“I did, but I let the nanny take care of the laundry and as they grew older, some of the meals. Mostly I insisted on taking care of the girls myself. I loved seeing every little milestone, having them turn to me when they wanted something.” She let those sweet memories fill her thoughts. “Rolland assumed the nanny did all the work, and I never disabused him of the idea.”
He chuckled. “Seems you always found a way to do what you thought best.”