“I’m sorry, son. Your new assignment should be what you want. If it’s not, then let me know and I’ll arrange something else. I’ve put a glowing recommendation on your file. I’m glad you called me because I wanted to personally thank you for what you did for Annabelle. I’ve honestly not seen her this happy in years. I’m just sorry it had to be cut short.”
He wasn’t going to change his mind, this was it, my last chance and he wasn’t even close to helping me. I nodded. “Me too.” I swallowed the lump in my throat. “If you need anyone to help with Anna’s safety at any time, please let me know,” I offered.
“Will do, son,” he replied as he disconnected the call.
The next few days were the worst of my life. On top of the painful, gaping hole that now resided where my heart used to be, the White House had put out a public statement stating that I was nothing more than Anna’s guard and that the relationship was fake. As soon as the statement was released, reporters were hounding me for interviews everywhere I went, taking photos and asking questions. I refused to answer any, and after about a week it died down slightly.
I could barely sleep, but when I did, I had nightmares about her calling for help and I couldn’t reach her or couldn’t find her. Each time I would wake up in a cold sweat and roll over to cuddle her, only to have my heart break all over again when I remembered she wasn’t there.
The only good thing going on in my life was my job. I had my dream job: Front Line. The Captain was extremely pleased to have me, and was majorly impressed with my letter from the President. I fitted straight into the team, and the job was everything I always thought it would be and more. But each day was like my own private nightmare. All I wanted to do was talk to her, hold her and keep her safe.
As the days dragged into weeks, it got worse and worse. I hardly wanted to get out of bed. Every night it would take me hours to fall asleep and I would have awful nightmares about her, then I would wake every single morning thinking she was there, only to remember and have to start all over again. My life was a steaming pile of shit. I didn’t want to go to work or even see my friends. Everything was just too much effort.
What made it worse was the date that approached. Anna’s birthday and the four year anniversary of Jack being murdered. She was going to be in pieces, I knew it, and I wasn’t there to help her or stop her from attempting to take her life, like she had done for the last two years.
While I waited for the phone to connect, I stared down at the FedEx box on my bed that I’d just finished wrapping. The address on the front was to Anna, care of the White House PO Box address that was for personal mail to the President. My heart sank. I wasn’t even sure she would open it, but I had to try.
When Maddy answered the call, I ran my hand through my hair. “Hi, ma’am, it’s Agent Taylor. Do you think it would be possible to speak to the President?” I asked glumly, flopping back and closing my eyes.
The click of her keyboard told me she was checking his schedule. “He has a couple of minutes before his next meeting, I’ll buzz you through.”
“Agent Taylor, you wanted to speak to me?” President Spencer asked politely when he came on the line a moment later.
“Yes, sir. Thank you for taking my call, I’m sure you’re busy,” I frowned up at the ceiling. I hadn’t spoken to him since the day I was reassigned, and I was surprised by how much resentment I felt towards him because he’d sent me away from her.
“That’s okay, son. What can I do for you?”
I ran my hand through my hair. “Well, I have a birthday gift for Anna, and I wondered if I would be able to send it over to you. I guessed that she’s going to be spending her school break there with you.” My frown turned into a scowl.
“Yes, she is. Of course you can send it here, Agent Taylor. I’ll make sure she gets it,” he replied kindly.
Now for the hard bit, that I wasn’t sure how to word. “Thank you, sir. One more thing. I just wanted to check that Anna won’t be left alone for her birthday. I’m worried that she’ll…” I stumbled over my words and took a deep breath. “I guess what I’m trying to say is that the day is going to be hard for her. She promised me she won’t do that again this year, but I’m still worried,” I admitted. I hadn’t been able to get the thought of her killing herself from my head. She’d promised me she wouldn’t, but did that still count, considering I wasn’t there anymore?
He sighed. “I’m worried too. We’re taking every precaution, and I have given her guards strict orders not to let her out of their sight for a moment. Annabelle’s stronger now, I don’t think she’ll try that again,” he answered, sounding like he was trying to convince himself at the same time as me.
I nodded. “Yes, sir. Thank you,” I mumbled gratefully. His reassurances did help a little; I trusted that he would do everything in his power to keep her safe. “Can I ask how Anna is? I’ve tried calling her, but she won’t even speak to me.”
He sighed deeply. “She’s been here for three days now already, and she seems to be coping alright. She’s a little quiet, but she always is around us,” he answered. There was a moment of awkward silence where he seemed to be choosing his words. “Look, I know you’re concerned about her and I appreciate that, but if she doesn’t want to speak to you, then maybe you should just stop trying to contact her,” he suggested.
I gritted my teeth. He was right; everyone had said the same thing – that I should forget her and move on because she wasn’t going to change her mind. But I just couldn’t. It wasn’t possible for me to move on while there was still that small element of hope in my mind. When she’d told me she didn’t love me, I didn’t believe her. Deep down, I knew she had feelings for me, deep rooted feelings that she was obviously terrified of and needed space and time to work out. This Carter stuff just made her panic and the first defence mechanism for her was to revert back to what she knew – the cold, hard Anna. At least, that’s what I told myself. In reality, there was just no getting over this girl, so hope was all I had.
“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have called you,” I muttered.
“I don’t mind you calling. It’s nice that you care about my daughter. How about I ask her to call you? I can’t promise anything, of course; Annabelle has always been incredibly strong minded.”
I smiled. Strong minded was an understatement when applied to that girl. “Thank you.”
“By the way, how’s the job going? I’ve heard some good things about you here, you know,” he questioned, probably to change the subject.
I smiled sadly. “It’s going good, thank you. It’s everything I thought it would be,” I admitted, but the thing was, it just wasn’t what I wanted anymore.
“That’s great. With all the things I’ve been hearing about you, you’ll be running the place soon,” he chuckled.
I smiled at his compliment. “Not quite yet, I don’t think they’re ready for my style of leadership quite yet,” I joked.
“I’ll bet. I’d better go. Good to speak to you again, Agent Taylor.”
“Good to speak to you again too, sir,” I replied, disconnecting the call.
A knock sounded on my door, and moments later, Nate stuck his head in without waiting for me to answer. “Alright? Want to go play a couple of games of air hockey?” he asked, smiling sympathetically.
Nate had been great for the last couple of weeks. I’d told him everything, glossing over the whole Carter stuff with very minor details. He really didn’t understand how I felt about Anna at all, but he was trying to. He stayed in with me if I didn’t want to go out, was understanding and sympathetic when I needed to talk about her, and gave me space if I asked for it. He truly was the best friend a guy could ask for. I nodded, standing up and picking up the FedEx package I would mail on the way.
~ Anna ~
Two weeks after Ashton left, it was school break. Before all of this happened, Ashton and I had been talking through options for the vacation – the one that seemed to be the winner was asking my parents if I could go to LA with him. So the fact that I was at the White House was now doubly hard for me. Dean and Peter both got the two weeks off, so they dropped me with my parents and then headed off in their separate directions to spend time with family.
My mom cooed how lovely it was to have me home and how much she’d missed me while she gave me a guided tour of the White House. I’d already been once before, on the day of my father’s inauguration, but my mother seemed content to show me around again – probably to pass the time. She didn’t once mention Carter or his disastrous retrial, or the fact that apparently my worst nightmare wanted me back again.
My bedroom was the blue one that I’d chosen on the first visit. As I stood at the window, looking out over the beautiful grounds at the back of the building, I couldn’t even bring myself to smile a real smile. During the last two weeks, I’d become pretty adept at faking being alright though. People didn’t realise how much pain I was feeling inside, which I was grateful for. I was pretty sure that Dean had an idea of my suffering, but thankfully he didn’t mention Ashton anymore.
Staying here for two weeks meant I would spend my twentieth birthday here too. When I woke in the morning on March 12, I couldn’t stop the silent tears that fell down my face. If there was ever a day that I regretted sending Ashton away, it was today. Memories of Jack and his death plagued me before I was even fully awake.
For the last two anniversaries, the sadness had consumed me. I’d gotten extremely intoxicated and I’d washed down a bottle of pills. This year would be different. I’d promised Ashton that I wouldn’t ever do that again, and, to be honest, I didn’t actually feel like that girl anymore. When I was in that dark, depressed state, I couldn’t see any point in living; I couldn’t see anything good in the world, but knowing that there was someone like Ashton out there just made the world a happier place for me. Yes, I was sad and lonely at the moment, but I just wasn’t in that dark and depressed place anymore. I knew that there was a point to life. Sure, my heart hurt for Ashton, but I knew that he would be happy soon. I believed in what I was doing. If I didn’t love him so much, I would’ve never been able to push him away and put myself through this.