My pulse was drumming in my ears; I was barely able to breathe. Suddenly, my body felt like it exploded with pleasure, making me arch my back into him. I threw my head back and cried his name as my body vibrated and convulsed around his fingers. Wave after wave of pleasure washed over me, dragging me under, drowning me in it. I’d heard girls talk about seeing fireworks when they cl**axed, but I’d never actually believed them until now. Ashton’s body tensed against mine as he pressed his face into my neck. He made an incredibly sexy, little grunting sound as he came onto my hand.
I sighed and closed my eyes as my body slowly came down from the extreme high. I couldn’t keep the smile off my face. My body felt relaxed and satisfied. When he eased his fingers out of me, my body jerked from the after effects of my orgasm. Forcing my eyes open, I saw him grinning down at me before he dipped his head and kissed me softly.
I smiled against his lips as he settled down next to me on the sofa, propping himself up on his elbow. He looked just as I felt: happy, contented and tired.
Scooting closer to him, I closed my eyes and breathed in his delicious smell that always made me feel safe and protected. His lips pressed to my cheek softly before trailing little kisses down the side of my neck. I giggled and squirmed as he nibbled on my earlobe. Finally, he pulled away and laid his head down next to mine, just watching me silently. I had the distinct impression he was waiting for me to speak first.
The edge of sleep was already tugging at my eyelids making them heavy. “Thanks,” I mumbled.
He burst out laughing at my comment. “You’re welcome, ma’am,” he whispered, causing goosebumps to break out over my skin. His heavy arm was placed over me as he pulled me closer to him, stroking my back until I was asleep.
I woke up cuddled in his arms. My body was draped over his chest; we were both fully clothed. I raised my head and realised we were in bed. Silently, I wondered how on earth we got there. I definitely fell asleep on the sofa.
“Good morning, Baby Girl,” he said quietly.
I blushed as suddenly all of the memories from last night washed over me. I moved off him and rolled back onto my own pillows, leaving a bit of space between us. When he didn’t move to me, disappointment washed over me. Did he not enjoy last night? Is he not even going to try and kiss me this morning?
“Morning,” I replied sheepishly, unable to look into his eyes because I was a little embarrassed.
“You okay today?” he asked, watching me nervously.
I gulped. What was I supposed to say? Was I okay? I felt okay. Actually, I felt fantastic; my body was, for once, relaxed and satisfied. I had a feeling he was asking because of Jack. The last time something had happened between us, I’d freaked out and ran off to the cemetery. But this time my confusion and unease wasn’t just because of Jack and the fact that I felt disloyal to him for wanting someone else, there was something else this time too.
“Um, yeah, I’m fine. You want some breakfast?” I climbed out of bed quickly, wanting to avoid this conversation. I had no idea what I actually wanted or what I felt about last night, and I knew I wouldn’t be able to think about it while he was there. Whenever he was near me, all I could think of was him.
He sighed deeply. “Yeah sure.”
I couldn’t look at him. I left the room quickly and headed straight to the kitchen, pressing my forehead against the fridge to try and calm myself. Confusion was making my head swim. I’d enjoyed last night, really enjoyed it, in fact, and my body was begging for me to go back to the bed and do it again – and an awful lot more, too. But my head was telling me that I needed to keep him at a safe distance from my heart. I just couldn’t stand anymore heartache, and Ashton Taylor was not the commitment kind of guy. He’d be with me just long enough for me to really fall for him before he would run away screaming, taking my heart with him. I couldn’t feel heartbreak again; I wasn’t strong enough to lose someone again. I needed to tread extremely carefully here because I was in some real danger of being crushed beyond repair by him.
Absentmindedly, I scrambled some eggs and made some toast, deliberately taking my time so he could shower; that way I could go in and get dressed and hopefully avoid being alone with him until tonight at least. Maybe I would figure out what I was going to say to him by then. Last night was entirely my fault again. I was the one making all the moves. I was the one who touched him and gave him the green light. I’d instigated it all, and this confusion and awkwardness that I felt inside was all of my doing.
“Stupid, stupid idiot!” I scolded myself, shaking my head.
“Who’s a stupid idiot?”
I spun on the spot, gasping in shock as he emerged from the bedroom, dressed and ready to go, looking every inch the gorgeous man that he was. “Er, no one. I was just thinking about something,” I lied, shaking my head dismissively and quickly serving up two plates of food. I set one on the counter for him and picked up the other, deciding to eat in the bedroom today so that I could be alone.
As I walked past him, he held his arm up, blocking my path. “Why aren’t you eating out here with me, like normal?” He sounded so terribly sad that it made my eyes prickle with tears.
“No reason. I just want to finish some stuff for our class this afternoon, so I thought I’d make a start while I’m eating. It’ll save some time,” I lied.
He sighed deeply and let his arm drop down to his side. “Right.”
Clearly he knew I was lying, but neither of us said anything. I made my way to the bedroom quickly, sitting on the bed and stuffing my food down my throat even though I didn’t actually want to eat. I felt strange inside. Although I didn’t actually feel bad when I thought about what had happened between us last night – maybe that was the problem.
I showered and dressed in black leggings and a tank top, throwing an oversized blue and white checked shirt over the top, leaving it undone. I put on my bangles too. I didn’t bother with any other jewellery anymore, the only necklace I ever wore was the one that Ashton had given me on our first date; I hadn’t taken it off yet and had no plans to either. I pulled my hair into a pony tail for the day and pulled on some ballet flats. When I was dressed I didn’t want to go back to the kitchen, I wasn’t ready to see him again yet. So instead, I sat on the bed, watching the clock, waiting for the time we would need to leave.
At exactly eight thirty, I made my way to the kitchen, where he was standing reading the newspaper. “Hey, I’m ready to go,” I mumbled, grabbing my bag and turning for the door. I heard him walking behind me, and I knew that he was waiting for me to bring up the subject first. I silently wondered how long he’d wait before he cracked and said something; hopefully I’d at least have time to figure out what I want to say.
“Morning guys,” Dean greeted us happily, waiting outside the door for us as usual.
“Morning,” I grunted, going to the elevator and letting them lag behind me. Usually Ashton would be holding my hand by now and making me smile, but today there just seemed to be this colossal rift between us.
I dropped my eyes to the floor and stood there in silence. Ashton didn’t even glance at me, well, at least I didn’t think he did, but I didn’t dare raise my eyes to him in case he caught me looking. The car ride to school was silent too. When he came around my side of the car to open my door for me, he didn’t take my hand like he usually did.
I gulped, hating the change in routine. I was missing his contact, missing his presence at my side. Even though he was still there, it felt like he was too far away from me. He sat next to me in classes, not speaking to me apart from when he asked to borrow my pencil sharpener. My stomach was really hurting now. I felt incredibly rejected and lost without him being his usual self. Every time I looked at him, he would smile weakly at me, but it didn’t reach his eyes, it wasn’t a real smile. I hated those smiles with a passion.
At the end of our morning classes, I threw my stuff roughly into my bag, not caring if my sketches got ruined or my pencils spilled from their cases. I was getting angry; I hated this cold, distant guy. I needed the old Ashton back, the one that could make me feel better in an instant by smiling or saying something silly, or flirting his butt off with me. I’d ruined everything for a quick thrill, and I hated myself for it.
I followed him down to the cafeteria, buying a sandwich and plopping down at our table of friends, making sure to choose a seat that was a couple of spaces away from him, knowing he would hate it.
“Anna, why don’t you come sit next to me?” he suggested politely, but looking at me with a small warning gesture.
“I’m fine here, thank you, Ashton,” I replied, using his name as he’d done to me. He hardly ever used my name, and it hurt my insides that he was doing it now. I turned away from him to talk to Rosie.
She raised one eyebrow in question. “Trouble in paradise?”
I sighed. What was I supposed to say to that? ‘Yeah, he’s just pissed because I finally let him touch me last night, and then refused to speak to him this morning.’ I had a feeling that wouldn’t go down remarkably well.
I shrugged. “I guess.”
A frown lined her forehead. “You two are perfect for each other! What’s happened? He can’t have cheated on you; I’ve never even seen him look at another girl, not once,” she shook her head sternly.
I smiled sadly. “No, nothing like that. It’s just little things at home, that’s all.” I picked my sandwich apart, not hungry in the slightest.
Ashton leant over Rich so he could talk to me. “Anna, want to go for a walk before next class?”
I shook my head quickly. “No thanks. I really need to talk to Rosie about something,” I lied, looking at her pleadingly. She nodded in confirmation, helping me out, but looking a little uncomfortable because of it.
“Anna, please?” he asked.
I huffed angrily and dropped my ruined food into the carton. Why can’t he just let me have some time? “Ashton, for goodness’ sake, I said I need to talk to Rosie about something. Why don’t you go do something with the guys?” I snapped.