Finally, she choked, “Yes.”
“Don’t,” he commanded through gritted teeth.
Despair washed over her. Jesus, how could she possibly not? She bit her lip hard enough to taste blood, determined to obey him in spite of her doubts that she could. Determined to stave off the impending tsunami.
But damn did he make it hard. He worked her faster, resting her ankles on his shoulders so that his fingers could dig into her ass, grinding her hips forward to meet his controlled thrusts, pushing himself deeper with every plunge. In and out, the rhythmic slap of skin against skin filling the room.
His thumbs dug deeper into her hips and she could practically feel the bruises forming, but she didn’t care. The pleasure and pain were so connected, each intensifying the other, that it hardly mattered anymore. There was only one thing on her mind, and that was Rafe.
In the next moment, the blackness was gone, and cool air rushed over her face as she blinked, quickly adjusting to the dim light. She took in everything hungrily. Her ankles draped around Rafe’s neck, his big hand gripping her shoe, the way his biceps rippled with every plunge, and finally, his long, thick cock, gleaming with wetness, sliding in and out of her. His thrusts became wild, and her brief reunion with sight was gone as her vision went hazy.
Don’t come, she willed herself as the waves dragged her deeper and deeper. Do not come.
“Come,” he growled, his hips working like pistons now, fucking her so hard, her teeth clacked together. “Come for me now, love.”
And she did. It came on like a locomotive, tearing through her with an intensity that rocked her. “Oh my God,” she chanted over and over as the shock waves crashed over her again and again. Before her body had stopped convulsing, he followed behind, throwing his head back and letting out a groan.
His eyes were closed, his neck tense, tendons standing out in stark relief as his cock twitched and bucked inside her. The movement sent her flying again and she rode him restlessly to a second, soul-rocking climax.
It took a while before she could see again, and for the blood to stop rushing in her ears. When she managed to look up, she found him staring down at her.
“You’re so gorgeous, it hurts,” he said simply. He slid her ankles off his shoulders, pressing a kiss to one before settling them onto the bed. “I’m going to clean up. Give me two minutes.”
She watched him go, her satisfaction so complete, so all-encompassing, she almost forgot…
“Wait, I’m still tied up! Aren’t you going to let me go?”
He didn’t look back, his low, sexy laugh sending her senses humming. “Of course.”
She slouched back and resigned herself to waiting a couple more minutes to scratch the itch on her nose, when he stuck his head out of the bathroom.
“As soon as I’m done with you.”
She gaped at him incredulously. Surely, he was done…
He strode over to the safe against the far wall, supremely confident in his nakedness. Nudging the still-cracked door with a toe, he swung it open and then reached inside, retrieving a black briefcase.
He slung it onto the small dining table and flicked the catch with his thumb. “Surely you didn’t think you were going to get away that easily,” he murmured softly. Her jangling nerves started to get the better of her when she glanced down to see his cock already thickening and at the ready. He reached inside the case and pulled out what looked like a slim, leather-bound wand. A dozen long, thin strips of leather sprouted from the tip like a fountain.
Was that a—
“Flogger,” he said softly, padding toward the bed. “Time for your punishment, Ms. Mack.”
Chapter Nine
“Toy boat.”
The words were out before she could even think. Watching him prowl toward her looking lethal—sexy as hell, but lethal nonetheless—with the leather strips of the flogger slapping softly against his hand? The panic had taken over.
Rafe stopped mid-stride and nodded curtly. “Roger that.”
The shadow of regret passing over his face made Courtney’s stomach clench. She wasn’t afraid he would truly hurt her. Not really, it was just a knee-jerk reaction to being helpless and all the possibilities that had terrified her. She opened her mouth to take it back, tell him she’d changed her mind, but he was already in motion again, setting the flogger back into the case.
He tugged on his boxers and faced her again, a warm, patient smile on his face. “I’m going to come over there and untie you now, okay?” He waited for permission before approaching her, and her stomach went flippy again.
So strange how one second, he was in total control, dictating their every action, and now with the utterance of two silly words, he wouldn’t even touch her without her explicit agreement.
While the knowledge was incredibly empowering, she was coming to the stunning realization that she liked things better before. When he’d had the reins and she had trusted him enough to manage them properly. Now she felt unsure, wishing she could fix it but not knowing how.
“You okay?” His mouth was close to her ear as his fingers worked at the knots and his warm breath sent a shiver through her.
“Yes,” she said, trying to cover the quiver in her voice so he wouldn’t know she was on the brink of tears. This was it. He was going to untie her, and she was going to get dressed and then they would leave separately and this would all be nothing but a memory. When the tension binding her hands together released and the scrap of cloth fell away, she’d never felt less free. This time, there was no stopping the tears.
“What’s the matter?” Rafe asked, pulling the sheet up to cover her before taking her wrists gently in his hands. “Are you hurt?” The horror on his face only made her cry more.
“N-no.” She hiccuped and pulled her hands away so she could use them to cover her miserable face. “I just w-wish I didn’t say toy boat,” she admitted.
“Is that so?”
“Yeah.” She shrugged helplessly. “I don’t even know why I said it. Nerves, I guess. The fear of the unknown. I hate that because I like to think I’m tougher than that.”
“I think you’re pretty tough, but I do agree that it’s scary to try something you’ve never tried before, especially when you also feel helpless,” he said softly. “But do you think maybe another part of the reason was that you wanted to make sure it would work?” He motioned for her to move over and then sat down on the bed next to her.
She swiped the tears away and considered his words. Was that it? Had she subconsciously needed to test the system? To test him so she could be sure he was worthy of her trust?
If so, that was crappy of her, especially since he hadn’t done anything to make her distrust him so far. “I’m sorry. As you know, I had some…issues in the past with a guy.” She stopped short and let out a slow breath, debating how much she wanted to share.
Rafe laid a gentle hand on her hip and squeezed. “You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to.”
Oddly enough, after a few seconds of soul searching, she realized that wasn’t the case at all. “I want to. It’s just hard because it’s embarrassing. I was so dumb and naive.”
“I’m not going to judge you, Courtney. We all make mistakes.”
“His name was Wes,” she began slowly. “He was an assistant professor in the anatomy department of the grad school I went to. I crushed on him almost immediately, but he had a girlfriend and I was too busy with school to get seriously involved with a guy in any case. We met again at an alumni dinner a year after I graduated, and we clicked.”
The memory was a weird one, because she could still see the Wes she thought she knew through those rose-colored glasses, but hot on its heels was the image of real Wes. Controlling Wes. Sternly disapproving Wes.
She wriggled until she was seated, using the headboard as a back support, before she continued. “Anyway, I won’t bore you with the details but he was everything I could have wanted. Everything I’d ever dreamed of in a guy, until we moved in together. It was like night and day—”
“Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde,” he finished softly.
“Right. He started picking my friends and, after a while, I had none left. As archaic as it sounds, I had a curfew.” She blew a lock of hair from her face and shook her head, trying her damnedest to fight the waves of humiliation rolling over her. “A grown woman. With a curfew. It was never spoken out loud, so it didn’t seem so bad, but we both knew if I wasn’t home by nine p.m. there would be hell to pay.”
“Did he hit you?”
The cold, contained fury in Rafe’s voice almost made her feel sorry for the criminals he dealt with on a day-to-day basis. He could be terrifying. But not with her.
“No,” she assured him. The tension that had gripped his body relented some as he settled in closer to her, his hip a comforting weight against her bent knee. “I think that’s the part that makes me feel the stupidest. Maybe if he hit me, I’d have a better excuse for staying so long.”
“Sometimes emotional scars are worse than physical ones. I think you should focus on the strength it took to walk away. That’s not easy to do when you have a history with someone, and you’ve invested your life and time into a person. A lot of people never leave.”
She digested that and held it close, letting his kind words wrap around her like a blanket. “If things hadn’t escalated, who knows how long I would’ve stayed? But he crossed the line. I’d been working at a hospital for about a year and there was a doctor there who I became friendly with. He was a great guy, married with two sweet kids. He sent me a totally innocuous joke e-mail one day and Wes had taken to checking my accounts. He actually came into the hospital and created a huge scene, ranting at the guy in front of staff and patients.”
Her hands shook at the memory, but Rafe’s steady grip on her hip calmed her enough that she was able to continue.
“It was quite literally the last straw. I packed my stuff and was gone the next day but it obliterated my career at the hospital. Rumors started. It caused a rift between my doctor friend and his wife that I later found out took months to repair. Eventually, I had to quit. I decided I needed a fresh start, and you know the rest.”
He nodded and worked up a little smile. “You moved to Rhode Island and took our tiny state by storm.”
“I don’t know about that,” she said with a laugh. Maybe talking about her past hadn’t absolved her of her part in what had taken place, but she felt a hundred pounds lighter having shared it with Rafe.
“Well, for what it’s worth, I’m proud of you for getting out.”
“Thanks.”
The silence that followed was the most uncomfortable she’d ever experienced, but she couldn’t bring herself to break it. The elephant was still very much in the room and she didn’t know how to approach it. Rafe shifted, moving to stand, and her heart took a nosedive.
“Don’t go.”
She might not know exactly how this was all going to turn out, but the thought of letting him walk away was more than she could bear.
“I want a mulligan.”
…
Rafe pushed himself to his feet, trying to get a handle on his clamoring pulse and the raging need to climb back into bed with Courtney and forget those two words.
Toy boat.
So telling that she’d chosen them. Toy. Something to play with. A fun distraction. Boat. A getaway. A vehicle to transport a person out into the unknown. Toy boat. Her get-out-of-subbing-free card, and she’d played it. Now, as a dom, it was his job to accept it with grace and end the scene, which he had.
Only, fuck, now she wanted a mulligan. Would he be taking advantage if he allowed it? Technically, the scene had ended and beginning again would be a new experience for them both. Technically.