I don’t know what to say. I’m partially pissed that she let me think he raped her. Part of me feels bad her.
“I was so embarrassed and hurt. He used me, but then it occurred to me that I used me too. I had sex to get a guy to like me. It’s so stupid now that I look back on it.” She straightens up and shakes off the memory. “Anyway, that’s what happened.”
“He still deserved the nut kicking,” I say.
She smiles and nods. “Yes. He did.” She sobers suddenly. “I know I can’t take back what I did, all those things I said, but I’m sorry. We’ve never been all that close…and now we’re miles apart, but I hope you can forgive me because I think of you as a sister.”
With a sigh I pull my knees to my chest. “I’m sorry too. I’ve said some shitty things to you. But I’m still pissed.”
She acknowledges that with a jerky nod. “We’ll work on it.”
“I thought you forgot about me,” Guy says when I push his door open. I dump the bag of goodies I got him on his bed and drop into the chair.
“Never.”
“What’s all this?” He pokes through the pile of books, magazines, candy (because it’s me), a notepad, and pens. “Are you moving in?”
“No. It’s provisions.”
“Staying awhile?”
“Yep.”
Guy tilts his head, studying me. “What’s going on?”
“Nothing is going on. I miss you. I want to visit you.”
“You’re missing your better half,” he says and I can almost see the little light bulb flip on above his head. He narrows his eyes. “Where’s Mason?”
I shrug and pick imaginary lint off my shirt until I can actually look at him without crying like a baby. I haven’t allowed myself to cry over this yet, and I don’t want to start now.
“Park came by earlier,” Guy says and I’m grateful for the subject change. “He didn’t wanna come when Dad would be here. He’s afraid to see him.”
“I would be too. What’d he have to say?”
“Not much. He apologized, which I told him he didn’t have to do. I knew what I was doing. We were both stupid. Now we move on with a little bit of wisdom.”
I snort. “You’re a miracle worker now?”
“Ha. Ha. Ha.”
“Everybody was asking about you today. And most of them seemed legitimately concerned. It was really annoying. This girl actually asked me to tell you to get better soon. While I was peeing.”
Guy laughs. “Who?”
“I don’t know. I got outta there as soon as I could. It was awkward enough without me getting her name.”
“At least you didn’t hit her with a book,” he says smirking.
I cringe. “You heard about that?”
“Chase,” we say at the same time.
“He’s such an old church lady gossiper,” I mumble.
“Thanks for defending my honor.”
I grin at him. “Anytime, sweetheart.”
“All right. You’ve avoided it long enough. You need to start talking. Where is Mason? Why isn’t he glued to your hip like usual? And why do you look like a kitten that’s lost her ball of yarn?”
I take a deep breath, staring at the white sheet covering his legs. “Mason is at his house, I think. Packing. Because he is moving. Back to Illinois. With his mom and brother.” Saying it out loud like this makes it all sink in. Mason’s leaving and I will probably never see him again.
“Why? What happened?”
“I don’t know. He didn’t love me enough, I guess.”
“You didn’t talk to him?” He rolls his eyes. “Of course you didn’t. You can be fruitier than me sometimes, honey.”
“I don’t even know what you mean by that.”
“Bitch, you know exactly what I mean. You didn’t bother to find out why he’s going. You just freaked out. And probably haven’t talked to him since.”
“Guy, he told me he wanted to go home. The look on his face when he talked about Illinois… He loves it there. It’s where he grew up. Where all his memories of his dad are. That’s why he’s going back. And even though it hurts, I want him to be where he’s happy.”
His lips pucker to the side in thought. “I know Mason loves you, Hope. There’s more to this. I’d bet my left nut on it.”
“The left one?” I say, raising my eyebrows. “Nobody cares about the left one.”
“I care about both my testicles, thank you very much.”
“What about testicles?” A familiar looking dude stands in the doorway with a single red rose in his hand and it takes me a second to place him. I look from him to Guy’s broad smile then back again.
“Samuel.” Guy and I say at the same time, only mine is a question and Guy’s is all day dreamy.
As much as I don’t want to sit home thinking about Mason, I know this is my cue to leave.
I stand up, gesturing to my chair. “Here,” I was just leaving. I lean in and kiss Guy’s forehead. “No hospital sex.”
He pouts his lip.
“Okay. Okay. Maybe a sensual sponge bath,” I suggest. I turn back to Samuel. “You look different with clothes on.”
His lips turn up on and his cheeks turn a bright shade of red. Guy snorts with laughter as I walk out the door.
Chapter 45
Mason
I have to stop myself from throwing my phone. Hope still won’t answer my calls. I’m going to school tomorrow and making her listen to me.
Chapter 46
Hope
Mason called me all night until I turned my phone off. When I turned it back on this morning I had four voicemails. I haven’t listened to them yet, but I haven’t deleted them, either, so I know I will. Just not yet.
I didn’t tell Jenny and Alec that I was suspended again. I don’t want to put any more on them right now. Maybe I’ll get out and job hunt. My birthday is around the corner and they’ll lose the money the state gives them for fostering me. With the added expense of Guy’s hospital bills, I really need to make sure I’m contributing instead of being a burden.
After my shower I dress in my blue sundress and try to pretend I don’t remember this was what I was wearing when Mason and I kissed for the first time.
I get hired at the first place I apply. A pizza parlor five minutes from home. I’m surprised, and happy, and annoyed I didn’t do this sooner. I guess it was my open schedule that sold them. I have no social life. No drums. So I told them I could work after school and any time on weekends. The fact I’ll be eighteen in less than two months means I’ll be able to close soon, as well. Another positive I had going for me.
A perk for me, all the free pineapple pizza I can eat during scheduled hours. Plus, they have candy machines in the front. I already know where my loose change tips will be going.
I’m so excited I practically run into Guy’s room. He’s watching TV and picking at his hospital provided lunch. It looks disgusting and from his less than thrilled appearance I assume it tastes that way as well.
“Oh, thank God. I’m bored outta my mind.”
“Guess what.” I bounce on my toes, unable to stay still.
“You talked to Mason?”
I feel like a shriveled up balloon, deflating onto the floor. “No,” I hiss. “I got a job.” All my enthusiasm gone, I plop heavily into the chair beside his bed.
“That’s awesome. Where at?”
“Nope. Nu-huh. You’ve already squashed my joy. Just forget it.” I prop my head on my fist and glare at him.
“Stop sulking and tell me.” He pushes the table on wheels away, ignoring his lunch, and picks up his can of Sprite.
“Newton’s Pizza. I start next week,” I tell him with not even half of my earlier elation. “Their uniforms aren’t bad. Black tee shirts, black pants, black baseball cap.”
“Because nothing says pizza like emo dress.”
“That’s right,” I agree. “Emotional people often eat their feelings away. It makes sense. Speaking of which—” I eye his discarded lunch. “Want me to go get us some food? Something not from the hospital?”
“God yes. Please.”
“All right. Any requests?”
“A cheeseburger from anywhere that isn’t here. And a strawberry milkshake.” Guy’s eyes take on that same dreamy look they did when he looked at Samuel. I stifle a laugh.
After lunch with Guy, where he found ways to bring up Mason in every other sentence, I decide to go home. I almost pull right back out of the driveway when I see Mason’s car. He’s sitting on the porch steps, his head in his hands. I don’t want my heart to beat faster or my breath to come quicker. I don’t want to want to rush into his arms.
I get out and he looks up when I shut the door. He stands quickly and meets me in the yard, holding out the biggest bag of Skittles I have ever seen.
I don’t want them.
I look away, but I don’t walk away. What does that say about me?
“I let you go last night because you were too raw. I didn’t want either of us to say or do anything we might regret.” By which he means me. And by me, I mean when I slapped him. “But I need you to listen to me now.”
“No. Don’t say anything. I don’t want to hear this right now. I can’t hear this. I get it, all right? Your Mom’s moving. You have to go. It’s perfectly logical. But it doesn’t make it hurt any less. It doesn’t change the fact that you’re leaving me.”
“Stop being mad and listen to me.”
“I’m not mad, Mason. I am crushed. Acting mad makes it easier to deal with than letting it rip me apart.”
“Have you cut? Done anything to hurt yourself?”
I scoff, but I know it’s a legitimate question. I’m still wearing the sundress, so I do a slow spin, lifting my arms. “No. I’m trying really hard not to do that anymore.” I take a step away. “I have to go.”
“You don’t have to go—”
I whirl on him. “No. You don’t have to go. You’re choosing to follow your mom like you always do. I get she’s your mom and if your mom moves, you follow, but you’re eighteen. You don’t have to leave. I mean, when will you stop trying to fill a hole that is impossible to fill? You’re not her husband. You’re not Kellin’s dad.” I cover my mouth. I cannot believe I just said that. I didn’t mean any of it.
It’s his home. I can’t blame him for wanting to go just because it hurts to lose him. I shouldn’t blame his mom. And I most definitely should never have said that about his dad.
“No, I’m not. Because he’s dead. Don’t worry, I didn’t forget that.” He jerks his fingers through his hair.
I hate that I could etch so much pain into his features with just a few sentences. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that.”
He nods tightly. “I know you didn’t.” He closes his eyes and inhales sharply. “I’m leaving tomorrow.”
My body goes cold. Tomorrow? I thought I had another day or two. Three if I was lucky.
“We’ll talk this out when I get back.”
What? “When you get back?” I want to move closer, but my legs aren’t responding, anchoring me to this spot in the yard.
“I’m driving the U-Haul so I can have the time with Kellin. I’ll spend the weekend with them, helping them get settled. Then I’ll be back. Kel’s taking it hard. Losing me and Misty both is shitty, but they’re young, and he can stay with me during school breaks and see her then. He’ll get used to me being here eventually.”