“Yeah,” I said quickly. “This will work.” It has to work. She shook her head as she opened the car door, but I stopped her. “You’re pretty cool for helping me out, Crystal. I appreciate it and if it counts for anything, I think Will is a dumbass.”
I let go of her and we both got out of the car. It would look more real if I held her hand, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. In the mall it had been an automatic reaction. I hadn’t really thought about it and now that I could--it might be weird--but it made me feel like I was cheating or something. I browsed the room with my eyes, not seeing Pris and Aspen, or Jaden who was supposed to meet me here. He was always late. We sat down next to each other in a booth.
“Did you tell your friend what’s going on with me?” Crystal asked.
I shook my head. “Nah. I haven’t even told him about Aspen yet. It’s not a big deal. I can explain it to him when he gets here.”
We sat there for a few more minutes, neither of us saying a word. My eyes were still searching out Aspen, my attention drawn to Crystal when she excused herself to go to the bathroom. As soon as she was gone, someone plopped down across from me. I expected it to be Jaden, but it was Paul, this other guy we went to school with. “Who’s the hottie?” he asked.
Hottie? “Huh?”
“Um, the girl you’re sitting here with? She’s freaking gorgeous.”
It’s funny because I didn’t even notice. I mean, I knew she was pretty, but I was so distracted tonight, thinking about Aspen and wondering if Mattie would be with her, that I didn’t notice anything else. I felt a little stab of guilt. I’m sure she didn’t care if I noticed her that way. She still had feelings for her ex and she obviously knew I was wrapped up in Aspen, but I felt like a jerk because she was helping me. What if she did start getting the wrong idea? Holy, crap, what if there was more to the reason she’d agreed to this? I didn’t think so, but couldn’t be for sure. “She’s a friend,” I mumbled. Paul said something about me being lucky before leaving and Crystal sat back down.
“You look nice,” I told her, feeling obligated. I mean, she did look pretty, but again, it felt like I wasn’t being sincere because it wasn’t Aspen I was saying this to.
“Um…thanks?”
“I know I already thanked you, but I want to be sure you know I really do appreciate your help. And…” I felt like an idiot. “And Aspen, I do love her. I just didn’t want you to get--”
Her hysterical laughter cut me off.
“What’s so funny?” I was slightly annoyed.
Crystal held up her hand. “Believe me. You don’t have to do this, Sebastian. I’m not getting the wrong idea here. I’m really just trying to help. You’re cool, but I don’t see you like that.”
“Oh. Well, good.” I’m a jackass.
“Am I interrupting?” Jaden stood at the end of the table, his arms crossed over his chest, his jaw locked.
“Nah, just wondering where you were,” I said waiting for him to sit down, but he didn’t. What was his problem? I looked over at Crystal and it clicked. “This is Crystal, not Abby.”
If anything my words seemed to make him madder. “She’s also not Aspen.”
“Hey. Chill out.” I got that he was a little confused, since I’d been feeling too sorry for myself to tell him everything that went down lately, but it also wasn’t fair to take it out on Crystal. “It’s not what you think, Jay.”
“Dude, you even said yourself Aspen and Pris were different. I thought for sure you weren’t stupid enough to blow her off.”
Now that pissed me off. “Me, stupid? Look at you! You’ve been doing this little dance around Pris forever. Why don’t you grow a pair and go for her instead of hanging out with me so I can get you girls?” Jaden’s face paled and I immediately regretted my words. This was my boy. We always had each other’s back and what I’d just said to him was messed up. “Dude, just let me explain. We’re not really--”
“I hung out with you because you were my friend, not for girls. I can get those on my own and apparently, you can too. So many you don’t know how to handle them all.” Jaden put his hands flat on the table and leaned toward me. “As for Pris? Not all of us can live in your fantasy Sebastian-land where we all get what we want. I may not have gone for her, but that’s because I knew I would screw it up. Just like you thought you had it under control, but all you did was mess it up. I’m done. You’re lucky you’re my boy because you have no idea how much I want to knock you out right now.” Jaden turned to leave.
It took me a minute to find my tongue. I was in shock, confused and a little pissed off. Not thinking, I stood. “Did you ever think she didn’t want me? Why does it have to be my fault?” I fell back into the seat, holding my head with both hands. What was going on here? Why had Jaden just freaked out on me without giving me a chance to explain?
“Sebastian, are you sure you know what you’re doing?”
No. “Yeah. It’s under control. I just have to explain to Jaden what’s going on and he’ll understand. He’s probably just mad because I didn’t tell him.” I added that on the heaping pile of things that didn’t feel right. There was more to what Jaden said than I understood, but it wasn’t my fault. He was the one being all secretive and angry. It’s not like he wasn’t just as bad as me when it came to girls and this thing with Crystal wasn’t even real. “We’re sticking to the plan.”
I leaned back in the booth, my whole body wracked with tension. Crystal was quiet while I sat there with my eyes closed trying to figure everything out. I don’t know what made me open them when I did, but as they popped open I saw Aspen. She looked at Pris and smiled; man, I wished she was smiling at me like that. This weekend, when she’d looked at me, it felt like I was the king of the world, now when I pictured her, I only saw the look on her face when I told her it was over.
The anger in her eyes when she admitted she really wanted Mattie. I didn’t get it—why or how I’d somehow hurt her when she knew she was about to rip my heart out, but that smile—it almost made me forget it all. Everything inside me told me to stand up and go talk to her. That rush of adrenaline was back. Leaning over to Crystal, I started, “I’ll be.” The ‘right back’ died in my throat when Mattie walked up beside Aspen.
He put his hand on the small of her back and I tensed. I could have sworn she did at the same time. Was he touching her when she didn’t want to be touched? Aspen smiled again, but this one not as big as she put an arm around Pris. The movement pulled her away from Mattie, but then she crooked her finger for him to follow them.
“I’m sorry…” Crystal fidgeted in her seat.
“No biggie.” But it was. We both knew it. How did everything get so screwed up?
I watched them as they sat at a table. It was kind of perfect, like the crowds of people parted so I had them in perfect view. Pris and Aspen were talking all animated like they always did, their hands moving just as fast as their mouths. Mattie looked a little out of the loop, sitting across the table, but me, I just liked watching them. Sure, I was pretty much crossing the line between crush and creepy stalker, but no one knew that. Well, except Crystal.
I snickered when Aspen made a weird face, scrunching up her eyes and frowning when Mattie said something. Yeah, she didn’t like whatever he said. I could tell. So, I know this made me sound like a sap, but as I kept my eyes trained on them, watching that happiness and excitement, the heaviness in my chest eased up. I didn’t feel so weighed down. Crazy the power girls had over us and they didn’t even know it.
Leaning back in my seat, I slid my arm behind Crystal on the top of the seat. I wasn’t touching her, just stretching as I made myself comfortable, and it was at that exact moment that her eyes wandered to me. My arm jerked, like it automatically wanted to pull away, but I fought to keep it there. Suddenly, the idea of making her jealous made my gut churn, but I’d already started. Might as well see it through, right?
But she just looked away and finished her conversation.
No pause, no eyes looking at me like she wanted me the way I wanted her. Nothing. Ice pricked across my skin, making me uncomfortable. “I gotta go.” I was done. I couldn’t spend the whole night watching her with Mattie, sitting here with Crystal, when I really wanted to be with Aspen.
Once more, I glanced at their table, only to see it one person less.
“Outside. Now, Bastian.” I froze at the sound of Pris’s voice. She was pissed and a pissed off Pris scared even me.
Shaking my head, I followed her retreating figure with Crystal right behind me. My life was a mess. I lost my girl, and now I was about to get my ass kicked by another one. Great.
As soon as we stepped into the hot, black night Pris turned on me. “What the hell, Sebastian? You said she was different. You said you loved her. I should kick your ass right now. What were you thinking?! How could you have done this to her?” Her black hair was curly and swinging as she spoke erratically to me.
I rubbed my head, a little irritated she was acting like this was all my fault. I wasn’t the one who contacted me to hook-up with Mattie. I wasn’t the one sitting in there with him right now. Well, that’s because Crystal was with me, but that was different. “Um, I’m not really sure which one of those questions you expect me to answer first.”
Wrong. Thing. To. Say. I dodged her fist that flew at me. “What the hell, Pris?”
“You stupid jerk! Do you have any brains in that head of yours? Idiot.” She swung again, her words as wild as her fists. “Loser. Es stupido.”
“Stop.” I caught her hand. “Why is everyone so mad at me? She’s the one who moved on to Mattie in like two seconds.”
“What? Did you expect her to hang around and wait for you? You’re the one who dumped her, Bastian. One day you told her she was different and the next you kicked her to the curb. And I thought you were different.” Pris huffed and walked away, her last words hitting me in the chest. I was different. I didn’t go around playing girls. They all knew I didn’t do the relationship thing from the beginning and with Aspen, I thought I would. That didn’t make me like them, did it? The kind of guys who broke my mom’s heart all those times.
“You dumped her?”
I rolled my eyes. Here we went again.
“Why does it matter, Crystal? I told you she wanted someone else, anyway.”
She had that same look in her eyes Jaden had. The one Pris had. Disappointment.
“It matters, Sebastian. I never would have done this with you if I would have known you’re the one who broke her heart. I have to go.” She frowned like I’d let her down.
For the third time in one night, someone I considered a friend turned their back on me and walked away. “She didn’t want me! She was trying to get him the whole time! Why don’t you guys understand that?” I yelled at her, but she didn’t turn around. I leaned against the wall, elbows on my knees and my head in my hand. For the first time in my life, I was alone. This answered the question I’d asked Mom. No, love wasn’t worth it. And now it was pretty clear, I definitely didn’t know what I was doing.
Chapter Fifteen
I looked around my bedroom. It was official. I was depressed. Weird, considering I’d never dealt with it before. I had a pretty good life. Sure, I got upset about the crap with my mom, wondered about my dad and all that stuff like every other teenager, but I’d always been happy. I had my friends who I could always count on and girls when I wanted them. My pride was a big one. Knowledge because I’d been pretty sure I knew everything. Now…I wasn’t so sure. All these dinged my pride. I was confused as hell and I missed my friends.