“No.”
He’d tried to call her. Stalked her apartment. Bribed her roommate. None of it had worked. She’d cut him off, and for every second of every day he was feeling the withdrawal. The worst part was the fear that he’d never see her smile again. The last time he’d seen her, she’d looked so hurt. So betrayed. She’s put herself out there and he’d crushed her. Rubbing his chest where it ached, he grabbed a roll of tape and sealed the kitchen box. Closing up another piece of his civilian life.
“You going to tell me where they’re sending you?”
Nate popped open another box and raised a brow. “You know I’m not allowed to say.”
Jace pushed out a breath and braced his hands on the sofa. “Have you at least found someone to sublet the apartment?”
Nate shook his head. He knew he should just give in and get rid of the place. It wasn’t as if it had ever felt like a home.
“You know who needs a place? Lilly,” he said. “She’s got to be out of her apartment in a week and still hasn’t found anything.”
Just hearing Lilly’s name made Nate’s world implode all over again. He’d actually been lucky enough to find a woman who accepted him, flaws and all, and he couldn’t accept himself enough to be with her. He’d fucked up, and now he’d run out of time.
No. She was better off without him. Now she could be with someone normal, someone without all his damn baggage. Someone who could make her happy.
He shrugged, feigning nonchalance, when really the thought of Lilly not having a place to live made his protective instincts roar to the surface. He wanted to find her and drag her back here, caveman style, and convince her to stay forever.
But he knew he couldn’t. It may hurt now, but this way was for the best. She’d been right to shut him out.
“Why do you keep doing this?” Jace finally asked, hands on hips.
“Doing what?”
“Pushing people away.”
A fresh wave of pain rolled through Nate’s chest. He threw down the box in his hand and glared at his brother. “Because all I do is disappoint everyone! Why do you even want me around, Jace? I abandoned you when you needed me the most. You should have told me to go fuck myself a long time ago.”
Jace opened his mouth and closed it again, shock flashing across his face. “You think I see you as a disappointment?”
When Nate didn’t answer, his brother shook his head. “You’re the only one who believes that, Nate. How could I think of you as a disappointment? Do you have any idea how many times you’ve bailed my ass out over the past two years with the bar? Because I’ve lost count.”
Wordlessly, Nate picked up an empty box.
Jace knocked it out of his hand. “Listen to me for once.”
Nate gritted his teeth and took a step back to put some distance between them. Pain flared to life behind his temple, pulsing, clawing at his skull. “What the fuck do you want from me?”
“I want you to pull your head out of your ass and beat this thing!” he shouted. “I know you’re hurting. I know you’re going through a lot of shit. But you don’t have to do it alone.”
“You think I don’t want to beat it?” He pounded a fist on his chest. “You think I don’t want to get past this shit and be a good brother to you? Stop being such a fuck-up?”
“You are a good brother¸” Jace said, sounding suddenly tired. “You’re a good guy, Nate.” He grabbed his jacket from the back of the couch and headed for the door. “You want to know what will disappoint me?”
“What’s that?”
“Seeing you be an idiot and walk away from the best thing that’s ever happened to you.”
Jace stopped at the front door and picked up Nate’s apartment keys. He looked back at Nate and gave him a half smile.
“These might make one hell of a gesture…just saying.”
He dropped them on the table by the door and walked out, leaving Nate staring at the keys as though they were a lifeline. Hope sparked to life inside of him and a plan began to unravel in his mind. It was a long shot…but he had to believe that it would work. Because life without Lilly—
No. It had to work.
…
Lilly slipped her camera strap around her neck and stepped out of her car, taking in the beautiful Reynolds Gardens where she was supposed to meet her clients. She’d been a little afraid that the heat of July would have dimmed the beauty, but it hadn’t. Flowers of every color were in full bloom and the air smelled of orange blossoms and lavender and about a hundred other scents that she couldn’t place.
She walked along the lush, grassy path to the clearing where she was supposed to meet her new clients. Crumbling concrete cherubs and benches engraved with verses about love made the spot a perfect choice for engagement photos. Whoever these clients were had good taste.
She sat down on a bench and traced her fingers over the faded verse. She heard footsteps and looked up. Her heart raced before dropping to her stomach.
“Nate?” She froze in consternation.
“Hey.” He smiled, but something was different about him. Despite being in crisp jeans and a gray button-down shirt that made him look absolutely delicious, he appeared as though he hadn’t slept in days.
Also, he had a puppy on a leash trailing behind him.
His haunted blue gaze looked greedily over her.
Lilly rose on shaky legs. “What are you doing here?” Was that really her own breathy voice? She shook her self mentally. She needed to get it together. Be strong.
“I, um…” He seemed at a loss for words.
Suddenly, it hit her. He’d set this up. She fought the urge to throw her camera at his ridiculously handsome face. “You! You’re the client. You lured me out here under false pretenses, pretending to need photos.” She sputtered. “Are you kidding me, Nate?”
He stepped toward her, and she backed away. He frowned. “I wouldn’t have had to do any of this if you’d just answered one of my calls. Jesus, Lilly. I’ve been going out of my mind.”
Hell, no. She couldn’t hear any of this. Not now. She pressed a hand over her stomach and took a deep breath. “You lied to me. That’s all that matters. I don’t want or need whatever apology you’ve worked up, Nate.”
He halted his advance. He looked lost as he said, “I’m in love with you, Lil.”
Shock welded her in place. “What did you say?”
He stepped forward, backing her up against a large cherub statue. The concrete dug into her back. He planted his hand on the stone behind her. His eyes blazed, and she trembled beneath his stare, heat sparking a need so strong it took her breath away.
“I. Love. You,” he repeated, slowly. “I didn’t tell you I was leaving because…I didn’t know what I wanted. Not in the beginning. And by the time I figured it out, I was terrified you wouldn’t stay with me. That you would see my leaving as abandoning you.”
“Nate, I—”
“Shhh.” He pressed his forehead against hers and exhaled a shaky breath. “When you left after the wedding— My world fell apart, Lil. I didn’t think it was possible for something that was already in tatters to crumble like that. I’m sorry, baby. I want to do whatever it takes to make this right. I want to try to make it work.”
Lilly’s knees gave out and Nate caught her. Her heart was pounding against her ribs so hard it had to be doing internal damage. He…loved her? Tears burned her eyes as her mind replayed every moment with him over the past year. All of those moments had led to this? The guarded part of her mind screamed for her to run like hell. To lock herself back in the unfeeling tower she’d lived in for so long. The rest of her melted into his warmth, knowing without a doubt that he was home. How the hell was she supposed to walk away from him now? He grabbed her hand and laid her palm over his chest. He looked down where his heart was beating against her palm.
“Can’t you feel it?” he whispered. “Can’t you feel how much I love you, Lil?”
Her head fell forward to lie against his chest and a sob ripped free from her throat. “Nate…I don’t know—”
“I know I’m asking a lot,” he rushed on. “But I have a plan. Please, just hear me out.”
She sniffled and looked down at the tiny white dog with a brown spot around one eye licking her ankle. “Whose dog is this?” she asked.
“Yours,” he said.
Her gaze snapped up. He had to be kidding. “I can’t have a dog in my apartment. Hell, I won’t even have an apartment in a week.”
Nate pulled a key out of his pocket and folded it into her palm. “You do now.”
She frowned down at it. Oh, no. No, no, no. “Nate—”
“It doesn’t have to mean what you’re thinking,” he rushed to say. “You can pay rent if you feel more comfortable doing that. And you can keep the puppy there…if you want him. Then when I come home, we can see how you feel about things. About me.”
He’d said when he comes home. Her eyes watered as she peered down at the tiny scruffball between them. “Of course I want him.”
“What about me?” he asked. “Think you could want me, too?”
A roaring ache in her heart refused to be quieted. Her desire for this man refused to be extinguished. She felt alive from the heady mix of her emotions. She felt alive because he was touching her. Wanting her. Needing her, the way she needed him.
“Nate,” she whispered, feeling herself sway against him.
“Tell me you want this, too.” His lips brushed against her temple, her cheek, her mouth. “Say something, Princess. Anything.”
She swallowed heavily. “I—”
“Lilly, I fucked up big time. But you have to know I would never hurt you again, the way I did in the beginning. I couldn’t walk away from you now if I wanted to. I can’t do anything about the fact that I’m being deployed, but if you could just give us a chance. If you’d wait for me—”
“Nate, stop,” she cut him off before he could say any more. She smiled up at him. “I love you, too.”
…
“You love me?” Nate repeated, the words feeling foreign in his mouth. “Really?”
Lilly loved him.
He was being torn apart. He was being stitched back together. Shock and awe stole any words he might have produced. He hadn’t gone into this meeting with any expectations. He’d known it was a long shot, but…she fucking loved him. She still wanted him.
Her eyes glistened as she nodded, and his heart raced, overcome with joy.
He cupped her face with both hands and kissed her before she could take another breath. Or change her mind.
Like magic, she melted into him, the tension leaving her body at the touch of his mouth to hers. She parted her lips on a moan, and he took full advantage, his tongue sweeping inside to taste. To claim. She belonged to him. And he belonged to her. He’d go to hell and back for this woman. And he was going to make damn sure she knew it. Knew that he was never going to desert her.
He would never be the bastard her father was. He was going to give this woman everything he had. Everything he was.
The tender, healing kiss he’d meant to give her turned urgent. Necessary.
He gripped her hips and she arched into him, groaning breathily. He broke away to leave a trail of kisses down her throat.
“Nate. We should talk about this.”
“Later.” Right now his woman needed him. And he needed her just as badly.
He wanted to feel the connection that kept them tethered together. To feel the comfort of knowing she was with him, that he hadn’t lost her, after all.
He slid his hands up under her skirt, taking the fabric with him.