“I see, but I don’t know what I’m looking at.”
“These are areas of new damage to your brain,” she said grimly. “In layman’s terms, the healing you performed on Nix put too much strain on the weakened vessels, and some of them ruptured. They’re causing the horrible headache and dizziness you have now.”
“Is he in immediate danger?” Jax asked, glancing at Zan worriedly.
“Not if he rests and follows my advice.” Mac arched a brow and gazed at Zan pointedly. “If you were human, you’d be flat on your back in intensive care right now.”
“But I’m not human,” he muttered. “I’ll be fine.”
Mac shook her head. “You won’t be if you perform any more healing before you’re one hundred percent healed yourself. See these areas?” She pointed to five other spots. They didn’t look like anything to Zan, but her expression was as serious as he’d ever seen.
“These are vessels that are currently weakened so severely, the chances are high that you’ll wind up with serious brain damage if you use your healing ability again too soon. If the slow bleeding becomes outright hemorrhaging, you might not survive.”
“Jesus.” Hanging his head, he stared at his hands in his lap without really seeing them. Finally, he raised his eyes to hers and voiced his biggest concern. “If I do what you say, remain on the sidelines and refrain from using my gift, will I completely recover? Can you tell me with reasonable certainty that I’ll be back in the field eventually, able to fight and use my healing with no problems?”
Her pause was too long, and he knew the answer before she spoke. “I’m sorry. I can’t say that for sure. Only what will happen if you don’t do as we recommend.”
“That’s not good enough.”
“It’s all we’ve got for now.”
God. “I want to go back to my own quarters. Please.”
“Not tonight. You’re staying here overnight. If you’re better tomorrow, I’ll consider it.” Her stance held a certain finality and stubbornness that he knew meant, Don’t fuck with the doc.
“Fine.”
“I’ll check on you later.” Shooting Zan a look of sympathy, Mac left, closing the door quietly behind her. Jax hovered for a moment and then let out a deep breath.
“Give me your word you won’t leave just yet. Give yourself a chance. The team needs you. Shit, I need you.”
Damn his best friend for knowing exactly what to say. He knew once Zan gave his word on anything, it was gold. Tension hung in the air between them, Zan struggling with saying the words, until he knew it was pointless to refuse.
“You’ve got my word. And I’m not a quitter, just for the record.”
“Nobody thinks you are.”
“I just don’t want to endanger my brothers.”
“Understood. I felt the same way after my leg was injured and I couldn’t fight.”
“I know.” He paused. “And thanks.”
“No problem. I’ll let you get some sleep.” Giving him a pat on the shoulder, Jax left.
Settling in for the night, Zan tried to sleep, but his dreams were uneasy. Filled with blood and death. A battle. Carnage. Horrible sorrow. Zan, trying desperately to heal . . . someone. Who? Then his own screams rang in his ears as his brain finally detonated—
Zan sat bolt upright in bed, gasping, sweat pouring down his face. His heart thudded against his sternum, and his hands shook as he wiped the moisture from his brow.
Over and over, he told himself that he didn’t have the ability to see the future. That was Nick’s area. It was just a nightmare. Gradually, his pulse calmed and he lay down again.
But his eyes were still wide open as the sun broke over the horizon.
He had to go for a run.
Nick paced his office, then stopped and stared out the window, across the lawn to the forest at the edge of the compound. His wolf strained inside him, always eager for a good run, and he was usually happy to oblige.
But today felt different. The pull was more than just the desire for earth under his paws. There was a sense that he was supposed to go. Destiny was upon him, for good or ill, and today marked the beginning of serious changes in his life.
For however much longer his life might be.
Surrendering to the pull, Nick left his office and walked down the corridors, speaking to a few of the team along the way. Outside, he strode across the compound and into the woods a ways before stripping his clothes and allowing his wolf to take over.
For him, a born wolf with more than two centuries of experience, the change was effortless. In some ways, he’d always been more comfortable in his wolf skin, and there was a time long ago when he’d nearly traded in his human life in favor of his wolf, permanently. A time when the pain of tragic loss was too much to bear. He’d drifted for years, an immortal creature with no future—a great irony if ever there was one.
If it hadn’t been for his old friend Jarrod Grant pulling some strings to get him into the FBI, and eventually the position as commander of the Alpha Pack, there was no telling what might’ve become of him.
Still, each day was a struggle. To find meaning in life where there was none. To wake up one more day and honor his commitments to his men when the weight of all he’d lost was almost too much to bear.
As he stood on four paws surveying his surroundings, he let the memories go and ran. His paws dug into the earth, sending leaves and dirt flying as his long legs ate up the distance. His wolf didn’t care about destiny or death.
But as a white blur detached itself from the trees and raced to intercept him, he knew that one of those—possibly both—had found him all the same.
She heard the crashing sounds in the forest a minute or so before he actually came into view.
All of her careful planning, the months of waiting, had come to this moment. She’d make him pay for what he’d done. At last.
Taking off, she ran full-out to intercept the big white wolf streaking through the trees.
He was alone.
And that was the last mistake the bastard would ever make.
“You really shouldn’t be out running the same day the doc lets you go,” Micah said as he and Nix kept pace with Zan in the hallway leading to one of the exits. Micah kept bobbing in front of him to make sure Zan could see his lips.
Zan did his best to keep from punching either of his friends as he made his escape. “I don’t need a fucking nanny.”
“You need a keeper.”
Nix grasped his arm, urging Zan to stop and pay attention, then took the opportunity to double-team him. “Neither of the docs will be happy to find out you’re ignoring orders to rest.”
“And you’re going to tell them?” He shot them both a sour look.
“Of course not,” Nix said smoothly. “But they’ll find out anyway, and you’ll get benched.”
“Mac said rest, not crawl under a rock and hibernate. Besides, letting out my wolf is good for the healing process.”
They couldn’t argue that one, though he could see they wanted to.
“You wouldn’t just leave, right?” Micah asked, clearly anxious. “Jax said you promised.”
“Is that what’s really bothering you guys?” He shook his head. “If I decide to go, I’ll be up front about it. I’ll put in my notice and say good-bye like a man, not run like a coward.”
“That’s not much of a comfort,” Micah griped.
He sighed. “That’s all I can tell you for now. I’m still thinking things over.”
Nix shifted in place and looked him in the eye. “While you are, I want you to know how grateful I am for what you did for me. You took quite a risk to put me back together, and I won’t forget it.”
Zan gave him a half smile. “We all take risks every day. But in your case, I had extra incentive or a certain nurse would’ve been heartbroken to lose his mate.”
Nix gave a laugh, shaking his head. “I don’t know that he’s my mate, man. I’m not showing any symptoms of being sick like the other guys did before they Bonded.”
“Do you and your wolf feel a pull? Like you both need each other?”
“Yeah, but with none of the nasty side effects.”
“Interesting.”
“How’d you manage to turn the conversation away from yourself?” Nix gave him a playful shove. “We’ll let you go for your run, but don’t be gone too long or we’re coming after you.”
“Yeah, I hear you—well, not really, but you know what I mean.”
Both of them made faces at his bad joke and moved off, finally leaving him alone. He had no doubt they’d go straight to Jax, and soon Zan would have a trail of wolves behind him who just suddenly decided they needed to go for a run as well.
Idiots, all of them. But he was damned glad to have them in his corner.
Taking advantage of his brief period of alone time, he left the compound, walked into the forest, and undressed. He welcomed the change, and it flowed over him, though not without some discomfort this time. His fatigue and the pain in his head affected his speed and efficiency, but he managed. Once he was on four paws, he shook himself and started off at a leisurely trot.
He really needed some time in wolf form to relax. Enjoy nature, take himself out of his own head and away from the constant challenges for a while.
Gradually, it began working. The tension seeped from his body until he was relishing his time in the forest, taking in all the sights and wishing he could hear the calls of the birds, the breeze through the branches, the babbling creek nearby. Soon enough, he told himself, when he was healed. He’d hear all of those things and more.
He was so lost in his thoughts, it was a shock to come upon a break in the trees—and see two white wolves about forty yards away. The smaller of the two was streaking toward a large one he instantly recognized as Nick.
As the smaller wolf slammed into Nick and sent them both rolling, Zan took off in their direction. Mind going cold, he focused on his commander’s attacker.
He had a wolf to kill.
Three
Zan raced for the pair of wolves, heart thudding in his chest.
The smaller white wolf was snarling and snapping, trying to get Nick pinned. Going for his throat. But as he neared, he realized the commander was making only evasive maneuvers to protect himself. He wasn’t attacking in return. What the fuck?
Maybe Nick wasn’t counterattacking because, despite his opponent’s fierceness, the other wolf simply didn’t have the size and strength to best him. Unfair fight. Zan, however, had no such problem taking out the asshole.
Rushing in, he hit the wolf from the side and sent them both skidding across the ground. Immediately, he leaped on the intruder’s back before he could gain his footing, driving him into the dirt and leaves. The other wolf was no match for Zan’s weight and couldn’t throw him no matter how he struggled. Blood lust roared through his veins, and he lunged, sinking his fangs through thick fur into the wolf’s neck.
Female. The wonderful scent, like cinnamon spice, hit him like a truck at a hundred miles per hour, and he froze, some primal instinct cutting through his fury like a hot blade through wax. Suddenly, he couldn’t finish her off. Distantly, he heard Nick shouting, his voice much clearer than it should be, though he wasn’t sure how.
Then something strange began to happen. A warmth started in the center of his chest and spread outward, like ripples in a pond. It grew into an intense heat, searing his lungs and stealing his breath and, to his embarrassment, became the fire of arousal. He wanted to let go of her neck, but couldn’t.
A thread, bright and golden, seemed to spin from his heart to the other wolf, and he could swear he felt an answering thread from her twine with his. Solidifying and strengthening until there was an explosion of light that rocked him backward, finally breaking his hold.